Being the Side Chick

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. It was totally crazy. I was in a LDR while I was away at law school. I talked to my "boyfriend" all the time--texting and calling every day, at various hours of the day. He was never unavailable! Then he told me one day that his ex was pregnant but that it happened before we got together. So I kept talking to him. One of my friends was like, "I just don't feel like there's a baby" after he had told me she had it. Well, then the baby mama emailed me and told me everything and it turns out they'd never really broken up and he lied about when she got pregnant so there WAS a baby, it just came later than he said. I felt like such an idiot. I couldn't believe it. He had to have been on the phone ALL day long. He came to visit me several states away. We hung out when I would come home, even on holidays. I really can't point to anything that was suspicious. I'd note that this was before the days of Facebook and even MySpace so I couldn't do any social media sleuthing. My takeaway is that you just have to trust people and what happens, happens.

[Anonymous]

I would have to take his word for exclusive;

"Take my word for it" almost always means they do not and have no intention of doing the thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I also think the excessive "shoot him in the head" was a clue. Overeager, exaggerating sounds more desperate than he should to please.

Agree with these two posters. Liars are likely to give more information than needed. And over promise. I would NEVER! I couldn't EVER! of course I'm monogamous, how could you even think I wouldn't be?

Simple, genuine language is better.

Sorry about the asshole.

^^^ Agree with all these posters. OP, you did the right thing. Sometimes there's just no way to control the outcome. Good luck in the future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I would have to take his word for exclusive;

"Take my word for it" almost always means they do not and have no intention of doing the thing.

It's like when guys say, "Honestly, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

I always feel like saying, "Are you normally speaking dishonestly?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. It was totally crazy. I was in a LDR while I was away at law school. I talked to my "boyfriend" all the time--texting and calling every day, at various hours of the day. He was never unavailable! Then he told me one day that his ex was pregnant but that it happened before we got together. So I kept talking to him. One of my friends was like, "I just don't feel like there's a baby" after he had told me she had it. Well, then the baby mama emailed me and told me everything and it turns out they'd never really broken up and he lied about when she got pregnant so there WAS a baby, it just came later than he said. I felt like such an idiot. I couldn't believe it. He had to have been on the phone ALL day long. He came to visit me several states away. We hung out when I would come home, even on holidays. I really can't point to anything that was suspicious. I'd note that this was before the days of Facebook and even MySpace so I couldn't do any social media sleuthing. My takeaway is that you just have to trust people and what happens, happens.

I think your story is so interesting because you still CHOOSE to trust people. I admire that.

I do the same, though I'm more discerning now than when I started to date last year. But I always try to keep my heart open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. It was totally crazy. I was in a LDR while I was away at law school. I talked to my "boyfriend" all the time--texting and calling every day, at various hours of the day. He was never unavailable! Then he told me one day that his ex was pregnant but that it happened before we got together. So I kept talking to him. One of my friends was like, "I just don't feel like there's a baby" after he had told me she had it. Well, then the baby mama emailed me and told me everything and it turns out they'd never really broken up and he lied about when she got pregnant so there WAS a baby, it just came later than he said. I felt like such an idiot. I couldn't believe it. He had to have been on the phone ALL day long. He came to visit me several states away. We hung out when I would come home, even on holidays. I really can't point to anything that was suspicious. I'd note that this was before the days of Facebook and even MySpace so I couldn't do any social media sleuthing. My takeaway is that you just have to trust people and what happens, happens.

I think your story is so interesting because you still CHOOSE to trust people. I admire that.

I do the same, though I'm more discerning now than when I started to date last year. But I always try to keep my heart open.

I haven't had an LDR since, I'd probably be more apprehensive about that now. Nowadays with cell phones and social media I think it's a lot easier to look for clues that indicate lies and infidelity so that's one reason it hasn't affected me. I don't snoop in my fiancé's phone or anything but you know, he doesn't hide his phone screen from me or anything that might indicate him being secretive. Plus...what are the odds another guy would do me so wrong? LOL!

[Anonymous]

Did you meet his friends and family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. It was totally crazy. I was in a LDR while I was away at law school. I talked to my "boyfriend" all the time--texting and calling every day, at various hours of the day. He was never unavailable! Then he told me one day that his ex was pregnant but that it happened before we got together. So I kept talking to him. One of my friends was like, "I just don't feel like there's a baby" after he had told me she had it. Well, then the baby mama emailed me and told me everything and it turns out they'd never really broken up and he lied about when she got pregnant so there WAS a baby, it just came later than he said. I felt like such an idiot. I couldn't believe it. He had to have been on the phone ALL day long. He came to visit me several states away. We hung out when I would come home, even on holidays. I really can't point to anything that was suspicious. I'd note that this was before the days of Facebook and even MySpace so I couldn't do any social media sleuthing. My takeaway is that you just have to trust people and what happens, happens.

You should have replied, "Oh how wonderful! I had his baby, too!"

Then totally cut all communication with both of them and leave them slowly, slowly twisting in the wind...

[Anonymous]

I think when a guy is really eager and comes on very strong, very quickly in the first few weeks somethings off. I think men get excited and enthusiastic when they are cheating and it's new. Happened to me with a guy I met through work who lived in another state. Guy was living with someone. Looking back he came on very strong. I thought it was just going to be casual, but he pushed to be exclusive quickly. I liked him so I jumped in.
Just take your time getting to know someone going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing at first and he lied.

Only way to fix it is show him the door and never speak to him again, and go on with your life.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And, I also think the excessive "shoot him in the head" was a clue. Overeager, exaggerating sounds more desperate than he should to please.

Good idea to stay away from hysterical, overdramatic men in general. AVOID.

[Anonymous]

OP, how long after meeting this guy did you state your expectations? It sounds like you expected commitment and monogamy really early on and barely knew the guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how long after meeting this guy did you state your expectations? It sounds like you expected commitment and monogamy really early on and barely knew the guy.

I read what OP said differently. That she was getting to know him and vice versa. She wasn't going to have sex unless they had decided to be exclusive and monogamous. But if he wanted to cut bait after a few dates, no harm no foul - she wasn't saying she wanted to be exclusive with him after 2 dates.

To OP, happy you found out early on and dumped him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Two months in, it turns out I am the side chick to the out of town girlfriend.

Then stop dating him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me. It was totally crazy. I was in a LDR while I was away at law school. I talked to my "boyfriend" all the time--texting and calling every day, at various hours of the day. He was never unavailable! Then he told me one day that his ex was pregnant but that it happened before we got together. So I kept talking to him. One of my friends was like, "I just don't feel like there's a baby" after he had told me she had it. Well, then the baby mama emailed me and told me everything and it turns out they'd never really broken up and he lied about when she got pregnant so there WAS a baby, it just came later than he said. I felt like such an idiot. I couldn't believe it. He had to have been on the phone ALL day long. He came to visit me several states away. We hung out when I would come home, even on holidays. I really can't point to anything that was suspicious. I'd note that this was before the days of Facebook and even MySpace so I couldn't do any social media sleuthing. My takeaway is that you just have to trust people and what happens, happens.

You should have replied, "Oh how wonderful! I had his baby, too!"

Then totally cut all communication with both of them and leave them slowly, slowly twisting in the wind...

Why would she do that? The other woman was lied to, also.