Couples Weekend

[Anonymous]

Why don't you plan the first get away and he might have the incentive to plan the next.

[Anonymous]

What does it matter if you plan it instead of him? I can't wrap my brain around that. If you want a getaway and it's important to you, then you plan it.

[Anonymous]

Take a break from the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's sad you don't enjoy being near your children. If two young kids "has taken its toll" maybe you shouldn't have had them. We enjoy doing things as a family. We have a lock on the bedroom door so there is no pitter patter of feet at the wrong times. Sorry your family makes you so miserable.

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--You're probably in your mid-30's, yes? Take a lesson I've learned: You only get one time in this rodeo. If you want something to happen, MAKE IT HAPPEN. I used to want my spouse to plan a spectacular birthday for me. It just wasn't happening. So I let it go and started planning my own. Guess what--it's a win-win for everyone. I never question my spouse's love for me and see the lack of "effort" as a measure of his love. It's just that planning these things isn't his wheelhouse.

I'm turning 50 next week and have a fabulous trip planned to NYC for a few days. I was clear that I wanted spouse to take care of childcare arrangements and get train tickets. But everything else is planned by me because it's about what I want. He has stepped up on his end because he had clear tasks, and I'm really excited for this birthday trip. We're going to have lots of fun, crazy sex and time to ourselves. Again, it's a win-win for everyone.

Because my spouse isn't into planning, I also planned my 50th birthday trip for myself, but spouse didn't make the guest list.

So who did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of Rachel in "Friends": "I want you to WANT to do dishes!!!!"

Plan it yourself.

So what does he do?
Indecisiveness is not attractive, same for self centered priorities.
Go on a girls weekend beach trip, but first give him the option to pick one otherwise Larla will plan one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to get annoyed that every single one of our couples friends (about 10 different couples total) finds the time to get away without their kids at least once during the year. Most of us are in the same boat without local family, so they either fly in parents or pay their nanny to stay. For some reason my DH and I can't ever seem to pull it together. I am always the one nudging him about it - let's go away together, pick somewhere nice, sleep in, have some alone time, etc. Money isn't the issue here, so what gives? He asked what I wanted for my birthday in June and I said a night at a hotel and so I just never got a birthday present this year. I don't even think he looked into it.

Our marriage is fine - not great, but not bad. We have two young kids so that has taken its toll. But where I am trying to carve out some alone time for us, he just can't ever commit and puts zero effort into making something happen.

Is this just the way it is for some couples? I have tried having a dialog and he says he would love to go away and we walk away agreeing to plan something, but it just never materializes. DH is not a planner at all. We have an active social life and do go out on date nights, but it's always me planning.

I could just plan a trip and send him an itinerary and he could come, but that really takes the fun out of it for me. I want him to care.

My husband really doesn't want to go away without the kids, so I now just accept it. We did take a nice trip for our 10th anniversary. On the other hand, he doesn't mind me going away once a year or so with girlfriends, so that's good.

I am DW who prefers not to leave my kids overnight with anybody but my husband(maybe if we both had to work out of state at the same time, otherwise, no). Our parents will gladly help, but I just can't. So I can go or he can go, but we are not both going without them. I am open to taking a day trip and coming back in the evening. I am also open to bringing a grandparent with us so we can have some alone time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to get annoyed that every single one of our couples friends (about 10 different couples total) finds the time to get away without their kids at least once during the year. Most of us are in the same boat without local family, so they either fly in parents or pay their nanny to stay. For some reason my DH and I can't ever seem to pull it together. I am always the one nudging him about it - let's go away together, pick somewhere nice, sleep in, have some alone time, etc. Money isn't the issue here, so what gives? He asked what I wanted for my birthday in June and I said a night at a hotel and so I just never got a birthday present this year. I don't even think he looked into it.

Our marriage is fine - not great, but not bad. We have two young kids so that has taken its toll. But where I am trying to carve out some alone time for us, he just can't ever commit and puts zero effort into making something happen.

Is this just the way it is for some couples? I have tried having a dialog and he says he would love to go away and we walk away agreeing to plan something, but it just never materializes. DH is not a planner at all. We have an active social life and do go out on date nights, but it's always me planning.

I could just plan a trip and send him an itinerary and he could come, but that really takes the fun out of it for me. I want him to care.

My husband really doesn't want to go away without the kids, so I now just accept it. We did take a nice trip for our 10th anniversary. On the other hand, he doesn't mind me going away once a year or so with girlfriends, so that's good.

I am DW who prefers not to leave my kids overnight with anybody but my husband(maybe if we both had to work out of state at the same time, otherwise, no). Our parents will gladly help, but I just can't. So I can go or he can go, but we are not both going without them. I am open to taking a day trip and coming back in the evening. I am also open to bringing a grandparent with us so we can have some alone time.

Are you going to make them live at home for college too? Will you move in with them when they marry? The birds need to learn about leaving the nest. Separation anxiety should bebfun for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Do either travel for work? We found it easiest for one to plan a Thursday meeting in Chicago or NYC and then other can go up to meet. Kids over the age of five can go to friends for one night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to get annoyed that every single one of our couples friends (about 10 different couples total) finds the time to get away without their kids at least once during the year. Most of us are in the same boat without local family, so they either fly in parents or pay their nanny to stay. For some reason my DH and I can't ever seem to pull it together. I am always the one nudging him about it - let's go away together, pick somewhere nice, sleep in, have some alone time, etc. Money isn't the issue here, so what gives? He asked what I wanted for my birthday in June and I said a night at a hotel and so I just never got a birthday present this year. I don't even think he looked into it.

Our marriage is fine - not great, but not bad. We have two young kids so that has taken its toll. But where I am trying to carve out some alone time for us, he just can't ever commit and puts zero effort into making something happen.

Is this just the way it is for some couples? I have tried having a dialog and he says he would love to go away and we walk away agreeing to plan something, but it just never materializes. DH is not a planner at all. We have an active social life and do go out on date nights, but it's always me planning.

I could just plan a trip and send him an itinerary and he could come, but that really takes the fun out of it for me. I want him to care.

My husband really doesn't want to go away without the kids, so I now just accept it. We did take a nice trip for our 10th anniversary. On the other hand, he doesn't mind me going away once a year or so with girlfriends, so that's good.

I am DW who prefers not to leave my kids overnight with anybody but my husband(maybe if we both had to work out of state at the same time, otherwise, no). Our parents will gladly help, but I just can't. So I can go or he can go, but we are not both going without them. I am open to taking a day trip and coming back in the evening. I am also open to bringing a grandparent with us so we can have some alone time.

Are you going to make them live at home for college too? Will you move in with them when they marry? The birds need to learn about leaving the nest. Separation anxiety should bebfun for your kids.

I hope not, but we will see. The oldest is almost 4 so we have a long way to go before we find out. They do not seem to have separation anxiety with sitters and relatives right now, but we'll see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this just the way it is for some couples? I have tried having a dialog and he says he would love to go away and we walk away agreeing to plan something, but it just never materializes. DH is not a planner at all. We have an active social life and do go out on date nights, but it's always me planning.

I could just plan a trip and send him an itinerary and he could come, but that really takes the fun out of it for me. I want him to care.

Like others have said, this shouldn't be some sort of test of caring. Because he doesn't plan a trip, he doesn't really love me. Is he thoughtful and appreciative of you day in and day out in other ways? Is he involved in family life? If the answers to those questions are no, then you are focusing on the wrong thing. Working those things out, if they can be, is more important than a weekend away.

So if your DH is generally a good guy, let's break down the logistics of a getaway. First, who would likely be watching the children? For us, I was lucky my mom would offer for our anniversaries to watch the kids. Both DH and I had to feel comfortable that my mom could handle it on her own. We also picked places nearby so we could get back easily if needed. So I think Annapolis, B&B near Gettysburg, And Williamsburg were our first few. Here are some ideas http://vacationidea.com/getaways/3_Amazing_Weekend_Getaways_from_Washington_DC.html. My in-laws lived close enough to NYC for us to do overnights in NYC and we took advantage of that. The ones that involved my inlaws needed my DH to help get his parents on board and the help with the date. I would do the rest of the legwork. For the ones with my mom, I would take the lead all the way through and run several ideas by DH to get input on location and activities and date. DH was appreciative of the get away itself and was interested in weighing in on different options. For me, the appreciation and weighing in on options showed me he cared about the activity itself (not a test of our relationship). He might also get feedback from co-workers or friends once we decided on a location and were trying to figure out where to eat or some sights to see.

I would also add that there is something in between handing your DH an itinerary or waiting for him to hand you one. Also, you don't know what goes on in the relationships with your friends. For all you know they could have a system like we have. People see these get aways that I always credit our parents with being awesome and giving us this time to bond as a couple away from the kids. They also see how DH is very hands on with the kids. They don't know what division of labor is behind the scenes nor is it really importance that they do. It's important that DH and I have worked it out.

[Anonymous]

Sorry the getway list had a period at the end. The link is below. Seriously go thru it with DH to narrow down options of where.

http://vacationidea.com/getaways/3_Amazing_Weekend_Getaways_from_Washington_DC.html