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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is this just the way it is for some couples? I have tried having a dialog and he says he would love to go away and we walk away agreeing to plan something, but it just never materializes. DH is not a planner at all. We have an active social life and do go out on date nights, but it's always me planning.

I could just plan a trip and send him an itinerary and he could come, but that really takes the fun out of it for me. I want him to care.[/quote]

Like others have said, this shouldn't be some sort of test of caring.  Because he doesn't plan a trip, he doesn't really love me.  Is he thoughtful and appreciative of you day in and day out in other ways?  Is he involved in family life?  If the answers to those questions are no, then you are focusing on the wrong thing.  Working those things out, if they can be, is more important than a weekend away.

So if your DH is generally a good guy, let's break down the logistics of a getaway.  First, who would likely be watching the children?  For us, I was lucky my mom would offer for our anniversaries to watch the kids.   Both DH and I had to feel comfortable that my mom could handle it on her own.  We also picked places nearby so we could get back easily if needed.  So I think Annapolis, B&B near Gettysburg, And Williamsburg were our first few.  Here are some ideas  http://vacationidea.com/getaways/3_Amazing_Weekend_Getaways_from_Washington_DC.html.  My in-laws lived close enough to NYC for us to do overnights in NYC and we took advantage of that.  The ones that involved my inlaws needed my DH to help get his parents on board and the help with the date.  I would do the rest of the legwork.  For the ones with my mom, I would take the lead all the way through and run several ideas by DH to get input on location and activities and date.  DH was appreciative of the get away itself and was interested in weighing in on different options.  For me, the appreciation and weighing in on options showed me he cared about the activity itself (not a test of our relationship).  He might also get feedback from co-workers or friends once we decided on a location and were trying to figure out where to eat or some sights to see.

I would also add that there is something in between handing your DH an itinerary or waiting for him to hand you one.   Also, you don't know what goes on in the relationships with your friends.  For all you know they could have a system like we have.  People see these get aways that I always credit our parents with being awesome and giving us this time to bond as a couple away from the kids.  They also see how DH is very hands on with the kids.  They don't know what division of labor is behind the scenes nor is it really importance that they do.  It's important  that DH and I have worked it out.[/quote]

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