Too early for shower?

[Anonymous]

Not to be a downer but I think it is too soon...

I lost a baby girl at 19 wks and before that had a stillborn girl baby at 29 weeks and have a trunk full of stuff for my babies that I really don't know what to with. Obviously this can happen at anytime but 15 weeks is still awfully early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be a downer but I think it is too soon...

I lost a baby girl at 19 wks and before that had a stillborn girl baby at 29 weeks and have a trunk full of stuff for my babies that I really don't know what to with. Obviously this can happen at anytime but 15 weeks is still awfully early.

Okay, come on now. I'm very, VERY sorry that this happened to you, but you shouldn't do this to somebody else. What happened to you was tragic and you have my extreme sympathies, but quite rare and the way you're telling this story makes it seem like you want to scare OP because something bad happened to you. I am sorry if I'm hurting your feelings because I'm sure you are heartbroken already but I don't think this was right to say in this venue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it at 15 weeks, as I think it's pretty early. I still consider that barely pregnant.

agreed.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you want this and feel comfortable with it, and your husband's family is excited for a shower, then go for it. It really doesn't matter what any of us think and whether we would do this ourselves or not. Everyone is different, do what makes you happy! There is no etiquette rule here.

[Anonymous]

Can you do something after the baby is born?

Doesn't the Jewish faith have a naming ceremony - so can you maybe incorporate a welcome-baby-luncheon the day before?

You may also get baby gifts when you send out birth announcements.

[Anonymous]

I never understood the logic of walking on eggshells through a pregnancy. (For women who have never miscarried, I mean.) My mother was very much of the mindset that you don't even really acknowledge it until the very end so as to "avoid additional emotional strain." But really is it that much easier if you miscarry and haven't told anyone, or haven't had a shower? I doubt it. Heartbreak is heartbreak. I've tried to enjoy my pregnancy as much as possible and not be afraid of what *might* happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the logic of walking on eggshells through a pregnancy. (For women who have never miscarried, I mean.) My mother was very much of the mindset that you don't even really acknowledge it until the very end so as to "avoid additional emotional strain." But really is it that much easier if you miscarry and haven't told anyone, or haven't had a shower? I doubt it. Heartbreak is heartbreak. I've tried to enjoy my pregnancy as much as possible and not be afraid of what *might* happen.

I agree with you exactly. We shared news of our pregnancy to our very good friends in my first trimester and were shocked at how many people admonished us for this and said things like "you need to be careful about who you tell (insert horror story similar to the one posted above, usually told about a friend of a friend)." I tried very, very hard not to let my own fears of miscarriage be fueled by other folks' fearmongering. Guess what, stress and worry aren't good things during pregnancy! Joy, however, is. You're so right, PP, heartbreak is heartbreak. One friend criticized me very sharply for "blabbing" so soon and went on and on about all the people she knew who had miscarriages and had to then tell everyone. By the end of her story, which I tried hard to interrupt and stop several times but she bulldozed on, I felt tired and almost as if she were wishing misfortune on me. I told her that, had we had a miscarriage, we would have most certainly told our closest friends about that anyway but that I was having second thoughts about whether or not I should have included her in that group. Things haven't been thes same between us ever since.

OP, don't get led down a path of worry from these idiotic posts. You're going to be fine. Have your early shower if you want.

[Anonymous]

From a practical standpoint, it is too early b/c if what you get at your shower ends up not working for your baby, it will be too late to return it to the store since store return policies usually allow you to return a product only within the first 90 days of the purchase.
From an emotional point of view, I also think it is too early since, despite what some PPs said, I do think if you were to miscarry (which although very rare could happen, I also know someone who lost her baby at 20 weeks like one of the PPs), it would be even harder to get over it if you already have full of baby stuff in your house. That's just my personal opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a practical standpoint, it is too early b/c if what you get at your shower ends up not working for your baby, it will be too late to return it to the store since store return policies usually allow you to return a product only within the first 90 days of the purchase.
From an emotional point of view, I also think it is too early since, despite what some PPs said, I do think if you were to miscarry (which although very rare could happen, I also know someone who lost her baby at 20 weeks like one of the PPs), it would be even harder to get over it if you already have full of baby stuff in your house. That's just my personal opinion.[/quote

These posts are starting to make me so mad. OP did not ask you what her miscarriage chances are, so why are you going there? Your personal opinion makes you a screaming asshole when you couple it with horror stories that nobody asked for. Exactly what are you trying to accomplish, except bring somebody else down?

Guess what? I had a friend have a stillborn baby at 39 weeks so even YOU and me and every other pregnant person are not out of the woods yet, so gee, PP, I hope YOU didn't have a shower before baby was born because you could have a stillborn, "although very rare" it "could happen," as you say. Had your baby already? Don't celebrate just yet! Instead, worry about SIDS because your child could basically die at any moment, don't you know? Sure, it happens only rarely, but you should dwell on it and plan your life as if it's going to happen, because, you know, sometimes it does. Think you're out of the weeds b/c your child is a year old? Well then let's not forget developmental problems. Your child can show those at any time after birth, so don't breathe that sigh of relief yet even if you have had your babies already, autism or other developmental disabilities may be lurking round the corner, so don't celebrate! Through with the terrible twos and have a schoolaged kid? Well, better hope your boy or girl doesn't get involved with drugs and alcohol as a teenager, get killed by a drunk driver, or get kidnapped. Rare and all, but it happens...so might as well plan for it.

Yes, some people lose babies later on in pregnancy but it's RARE. Unfortunately, what is not rare? Jackasses foaming at the mouth with their enthusiasm for telling horror stories and scaring the joy out of a new mother. I had a shower at 30 weeks despite my friend who lost a child in childbirth because I realize that tragedies happen but they're rare, rare, rare. PP and others like her, STOP pissing on other people's happiness. There is something wrong with you to want to do that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a practical standpoint, it is too early b/c if what you get at your shower ends up not working for your baby, it will be too late to return it to the store since store return policies usually allow you to return a product only within the first 90 days of the purchase.
From an emotional point of view, I also think it is too early since, despite what some PPs said, I do think if you were to miscarry (which although very rare could happen, I also know someone who lost her baby at 20 weeks like one of the PPs), it would be even harder to get over it if you already have full of baby stuff in your house. That's just my personal opinion.[/quote

These posts are starting to make me so mad. OP did not ask you what her miscarriage chances are, so why are you going there? Your personal opinion makes you a screaming asshole when you couple it with horror stories that nobody asked for. Exactly what are you trying to accomplish, except bring somebody else down?

Guess what? I had a friend have a stillborn baby at 39 weeks so even YOU and me and every other pregnant person are not out of the woods yet, so gee, PP, I hope YOU didn't have a shower before baby was born because you could have a stillborn, "although very rare" it "could happen," as you say. Had your baby already? Don't celebrate just yet! Instead, worry about SIDS because your child could basically die at any moment, don't you know? Sure, it happens only rarely, but you should dwell on it and plan your life as if it's going to happen, because, you know, sometimes it does. Think you're out of the weeds b/c your child is a year old? Well then let's not forget developmental problems. Your child can show those at any time after birth, so don't breathe that sigh of relief yet even if you have had your babies already, autism or other developmental disabilities may be lurking round the corner, so don't celebrate! Through with the terrible twos and have a schoolaged kid? Well, better hope your boy or girl doesn't get involved with drugs and alcohol as a teenager, get killed by a drunk driver, or get kidnapped. Rare and all, but it happens...so might as well plan for it.

Yes, some people lose babies later on in pregnancy but it's RARE. Unfortunately, what is not rare? Jackasses foaming at the mouth with their enthusiasm for telling horror stories and scaring the joy out of a new mother. I had a shower at 30 weeks despite my friend who lost a child in childbirth because I realize that tragedies happen but they're rare, rare, rare. PP and others like her, STOP pissing on other people's happiness. There is something wrong with you to want to do that!

And this would be all fine and dandy except the OP posted a topic ASKING for peoples opinions and thoughts. And that's exactly what she got. Had she not asked what anyone thought that would be a different story. Not to mention the fact that she obviously is having some reservations which is why she's posting in the first place. So calm down and use all that anger for something more productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jackasses foaming at the mouth with their enthusiasm for telling horror stories and scaring the joy out of a new mother. I had a shower at 30 weeks despite my friend who lost a child in childbirth because I realize that tragedies happen but they're rare, rare, rare. PP and others like her, STOP pissing on other people's happiness. There is something wrong with you to want to do that!

NP here, and I disagree with you that there's something wrong with the PP. I thought that the two posters who pointed out the concern of a potential tragedy did so in a kind and empathetic way, not like "Jackasses foaming at the mouth." The OP asked if it was weird to hold the shower so early. To me that begs the question of, why is it considered early? What would make her think it was weird? Why are showers typically held somewhere in the 6-8th month of pregnancy rather than in the 1st or early 2nd trimester?

It appears to at least some respondents, that the "weirdness" might be more about evaluating the potential for risk/heartache since the chance of a m/c is much higher earlier in a pregnancy. Yes, horrible things can happen at any time during pregnancy or throughout your child's life. That doesn't mean you should lock yourself in a closet. But, she was asking for feedback and others' perspectives and that's what she received. I don't think it was horrible or mean at all, just another viewpoint to help her evaluate.

[Anonymous]

I tend to agree with the poster who said bad things can happen at any time - at 20 weeks, 39 weeks, or when the child is a teen.

I am the poster who worried throughout her whole pregnancy for no good reason and I've had these same thoughts - as soon as I had my perfect baby girl in my arms, I decided then I needed to let go of the worry, as like you said, there is always something to worry about once your a parent. I don't think I'll ever be stress free, but having a child has taught me you have to savior every moment. This kind of shower the OP is asking about almost sounds like more for her family, who are probably desperate to celebrate her pregnancy.

Like I said in my previous post, I would go for it. If you have the shower you will always have that memory of celebrating with your family. It would be horrible if you lost your baby later in the pregnancy, but come on, would it be all that much better if you didn't have a shower? I mean, your thoughts will be on other things, not your shower. And someone else can deal with the logistics of the gifts, which could probably be donated to a woman's shelter or something.

There are so few moments when people are happy for us and we are truly happy - celebrating a baby is one of those moments. Have the shower.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely have the shower! Its not like there isn't a reason that you're having it 'early', and regardless, odds are that you are excited and do feel pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I did. Its about celebrating w/friends and family and if thats what works, I can't imagine that being a problem. Most people don't do showers after the 1st baby either, so take the opportunity to celebrate!

As far as 'jinxing' things goes, you could look at it both ways....yes, its a bit early (although most people consider you pretty safe after 12 weeks) BUT you could be like me and get put on bed rest at 24 weeks and have to do your '7 1/2 month standard' shower via skype! So I would have much rather had it at 15 weeks had I known! Pregnancy is different for everyone and you never know what will be thrown at you. Have the shower and enjoy it!

[Anonymous]

Have the shower and have a great time! I didn't have my showers until my eighth month because of family timing, and I was panicking because of all the returning/shopping that would have to be done afterwards. You'll have so much time to prepare! Go for it, girl!

[Anonymous]

In my humble opinion, it is too early. Good luck with your decision.