Absent Father- Now wants to take me to court for visitation

[Anonymous]

Yeah I don't see why he's asking for visitation now if you've always let him visit. Does hebhavebparents who want to see the kid? Has he mentioned anything about being behind in child support?

I'd take to a lawyer and mention your concerns and at least see if you can ban overnights for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I don't see why he's asking for visitation now if you've always let him visit. Does hebhavebparents who want to see the kid? Has he mentioned anything about being behind in child support?

I'd take to a lawyer and mention your concerns and at least see if you can ban overnights for awhile.

He doesn't have a relationship with his parents. They also live in Idaho. He has asked and received a reduction in child support in September. The judge granted the reduction only because my daughter is in Kindergarten so daycare fees are extremely lower. The judge said if she wasn't in school then the child support would stay the same since he couldn't provide a good enough reason as to why he petitioned to have it lowered in the 1st place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I don't see why he's asking for visitation now if you've always let him visit. Does hebhavebparents who want to see the kid? Has he mentioned anything about being behind in child support?

I'd take to a lawyer and mention your concerns and at least see if you can ban overnights for awhile.

He doesn't have a relationship with his parents. They also live in Idaho. He has asked and received a reduction in child support in September. The judge granted the reduction only because my daughter is in Kindergarten so daycare fees are extremely lower. The judge said if she wasn't in school then the child support would stay the same since he couldn't provide a good enough reason as to why he petitioned to have it lowered in the 1st place.

Lawyer here. A substantial reduction (or increase) in daycare expenses is a perfectly legitimate basis for requesting a modification of the child support order. I find it hard to believe a judge actually made the statement in your last sentence in light of the fact that the daycare expenses have significantly decreased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do have several concerns. He has battled alcoholism, depression, mental health issues, and suicidal thoughts for years. He's also a smoker and my child is severely asthmatic.

has he won those battles? He should not smoke around her, but it is almost always better for the kids to have a relationship with both parents.

NP. Not necessarily. My dad was an alcoholic and missed so many weekend visits. I didn't know this was the reason when I was a kid though, I thought there was something wrong with me or my brother. I would have been better off without him. He was pissed at my mom for getting remarried so he started insisting on visits that he regularly never showed up for.

My "almost always" is the same as your "not necessarily". At any rate, If I were your mom, once I knew he was unreliable, I would not even have mentioned any visits until he showed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I don't see why he's asking for visitation now if you've always let him visit. Does hebhavebparents who want to see the kid? Has he mentioned anything about being behind in child support?

I'd take to a lawyer and mention your concerns and at least see if you can ban overnights for awhile.

I don't know whether she has let him see his kids, but I would always advise getting visitation and usually alimony set by the court so you aren't at the other parents whim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I don't see why he's asking for visitation now if you've always let him visit. Does hebhavebparents who want to see the kid? Has he mentioned anything about being behind in child support?

I'd take to a lawyer and mention your concerns and at least see if you can ban overnights for awhile.

I don't know whether she has let him see his kids, but I would always advise getting visitation and usually alimony set by the court so you aren't at the other parents whim.

meant to say child support, not alimony!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I don't see why he's asking for visitation now if you've always let him visit. Does hebhavebparents who want to see the kid? Has he mentioned anything about being behind in child support?

I'd take to a lawyer and mention your concerns and at least see if you can ban overnights for awhile.

He doesn't have a relationship with his parents. They also live in Idaho. He has asked and received a reduction in child support in September. The judge granted the reduction only because my daughter is in Kindergarten so daycare fees are extremely lower. The judge said if she wasn't in school then the child support would stay the same since he couldn't provide a good enough reason as to why he petitioned to have it lowered in the 1st place.

Lawyer here. A substantial reduction (or increase) in daycare expenses is a perfectly legitimate basis for requesting a modification of the child support order. I find it hard to believe a judge actually made the statement in your last sentence in light of the fact that the daycare expenses have significantly decreased.

I was surprised myself when the judge said that. I think the judge said it out of frustration because my ex did not give any valid reasons for wanting a reduction. The judge was made aware of the reduction of daycare fees by me not my ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I don't see why he's asking for visitation now if you've always let him visit. Does hebhavebparents who want to see the kid? Has he mentioned anything about being behind in child support?

I'd take to a lawyer and mention your concerns and at least see if you can ban overnights for awhile.

I don't know whether she has let him see his kids, but I would always advise getting visitation and usually alimony set by the court so you aren't at the other parents whim.

I went to court for child support only because I have never denied him from seeing her. In fact I always said he can see her whenever he wants however he would never show or make up some excuse as to why he couldn't visit.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like he could be toxic for your daughter. I say this kindly but depending on how bad he is, any father is better than none. Your daughter will struggle because of her lack of a relationship with a father.
Can you encourage them to have an online relationship? Emailing or texting or calls? Then short visits that are very spelled out. I can see your concerns, but honestly if a dad is actually reaching out even if he just wants money, I think you give in a little. A daughter needs a father in some capacity or it will screw her up, additionally she may run to him later. You are better off being in control of it and letting him in on your terms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like he could be toxic for your daughter. I say this kindly but depending on how bad he is, any father is better than none. Your daughter will struggle because of her lack of a relationship with a father.
Can you encourage them to have an online relationship? Emailing or texting or calls? Then short visits that are very spelled out. I can see your concerns, but honestly if a dad is actually reaching out even if he just wants money, I think you give in a little. A daughter needs a father in some capacity or it will screw her up, additionally she may run to him later. You are better off being in control of it and letting him in on your terms

Thank you for the advice. I somewhat wondering why you said she would struggle because of her lack of relationship with her father. What do you mean by that?
You did mention another concern of mine. We have done the online relationship thing which started out very consistent but as time wore on he had excuses as to why he couldn't video chat or text anymore. I am not against the court being involved in visitation rights. Might actually be a good thing to have something set in stone. My fear is inconsistency. This has been his pattern in the past 5 years. My daughter is very smart and is now starting to pick up on her dad's inconsistency. Meaning she wonders why he doesn't want to talk to her or visit her all the time.

[Anonymous]

Is this a step toward 50/50 custody so he doesn't have to pay child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a step toward 50/50 custody so he doesn't have to pay child support?

I don't think so. But I'm not sure.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask him why he's doing this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do have several concerns. He has battled alcoholism, depression, mental health issues, and suicidal thoughts for years. He's also a smoker and my child is severely asthmatic.

has he won those battles? He should not smoke around her, but it is almost always better for the kids to have a relationship with both parents.

NP. Not necessarily. My dad was an alcoholic and missed so many weekend visits. I didn't know this was the reason when I was a kid though, I thought there was something wrong with me or my brother. I would have been better off without him. He was pissed at my mom for getting remarried so he started insisting on visits that he regularly never showed up for.

My "almost always" is the same as your "not necessarily". At any rate, If I were your mom, once I knew he was unreliable, I would not even have mentioned any visits until he showed up.

She didn't but we were old enough to know when Friday night was. When he didn't show up, she didn't need to say anything. It was hard to get over the fact that my dad would rather spend his time in a bar than with his kids.

[Anonymous]

New girlfriend? He'll forget about this. Mine gives me a little run around every Year or two but never follows through on what he says (heh)