wtf is wrong with me? Really want to have an affair

[Anonymous]

Is it the fantasy of an affair you are attracted to? Or having sex with someone whos not your husband? If it's the first, maybe share your fantasy with your husband and set up a little chance meeting role playing? Pretend you don't know each other outside of the house and let him try to pick you up! Share your desires with him, you might find he has some fantasies he wants to play out too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it the fantasy of an affair you are attracted to? Or having sex with someone whos not your husband? If it's the first, maybe share your fantasy with your husband and set up a little chance meeting role playing? Pretend you don't know each other outside of the house and let him try to pick you up! Share your desires with him, you might find he has some fantasies he wants to play out too!

OP. It's about wanting to feel desirable to others. There is something to the waning fertility theory.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. Welcome to how men feel 24/7.

Previous advice is good. Don't blame your marriage. Its hormones. If you must scratch the itch, don't do it with a Co worker.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just be careful.

[Anonymous]

Is there something in your marriage that may be causing you to feel this way? I felt that way for a while, but eventually realized that it was because I did not feel loved, desired, or appreciated by DH, and so I wanted someone else to fill in and provide me with that. I never acted on the desire, but once I knew what was causing it, I was able to talk to DH about how I felt and at least make things a bit better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there something in your marriage that may be causing you to feel this way? I felt that way for a while, but eventually realized that it was because I did not feel loved, desired, or appreciated by DH, and so I wanted someone else to fill in and provide me with that. I never acted on the desire, but once I knew what was causing it, I was able to talk to DH about how I felt and at least make things a bit better.

The issue is not a major problem: DH is low energy. He doesn't plan things or take much initiative. He doesn't have many friends or a close relationship with family. He is generally game if I suggest things but I always have to suggest. He has made me feel more desired since I recently improved my appearance--lost some baby weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there something in your marriage that may be causing you to feel this way? I felt that way for a while, but eventually realized that it was because I did not feel loved, desired, or appreciated by DH, and so I wanted someone else to fill in and provide me with that. I never acted on the desire, but once I knew what was causing it, I was able to talk to DH about how I felt and at least make things a bit better.

The issue is not a major problem: DH is low energy. He doesn't plan things or take much initiative. He doesn't have many friends or a close relationship with family. He is generally game if I suggest things but I always have to suggest. He has made me feel more desired since I recently improved my appearance--lost some baby weight.

Fascinating. Its always some emotional reason for women? Men cheat when the sex dries up, it's not complicated. This must be why women in here preach that affairs have nothing to do with sex life because for them it doesnt.

[Anonymous]

Is there something in your marriage that may be causing you to feel this way? I felt that way for a while, but eventually realized that it was because I did not feel loved, desired, or appreciated by DH, and so I wanted someone else to fill in and provide me with that. I never acted on the desire, but once I knew what was causing it, I was able to talk to DH about how I felt and at least make things a bit better.

The issue is not a major problem: DH is low energy. He doesn't plan things or take much initiative. He doesn't have many friends or a close relationship with family. He is generally game if I suggest things but I always have to suggest. He has made me feel more desired since I recently improved my appearance--lost some baby weight.

Fascinating. Its always some emotional reason for women? Men cheat when the sex dries up, it's not complicated. This must be why women in here preach that affairs have nothing to do with sex life because for them it doesnt.

I'm the PP - it's not that it has "nothing" to do with it. It's just not the main motivator, at least for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there something in your marriage that may be causing you to feel this way? I felt that way for a while, but eventually realized that it was because I did not feel loved, desired, or appreciated by DH, and so I wanted someone else to fill in and provide me with that. I never acted on the desire, but once I knew what was causing it, I was able to talk to DH about how I felt and at least make things a bit better.

The issue is not a major problem: DH is low energy. He doesn't plan things or take much initiative. He doesn't have many friends or a close relationship with family. He is generally game if I suggest things but I always have to suggest. He has made me feel more desired since I recently improved my appearance--lost some baby weight.

Fascinating. Its always some emotional reason for women? Men cheat when the sex dries up, it's not complicated. This must be why women in here preach that affairs have nothing to do with sex life because for them it doesnt.

Honestly, I'm so tired of the blame the victim mentality when it comes to cheating. Plenty of men cheat even when they have a completely willing partner; I know mine did. Men (and women) cheat when they prefer to indulge in fantasy rather than deal with their own real lives and doing what it takes to make real change in their lives. Cheaters prefer to construct facades rather than live authentically.

It's as simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Men cheat when the sex dries up, it's not complicated.

Actually, they don't always. DH and I did not have sex for 2 1/2 years because we were constantly fighting about issues arising out of DS's special needs. He didn't cheat. I wish I could say we solved our problems on our own, but what actually solved the problem was MIL retiring and moving nearby to help us. Less stress and more assistance led to less fighting, which got the relationship (mostly) back on track.

[Anonymous]

I agree that this is as simple as waning looks/fertility and wanting to feel desirable. Same boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is as simple as waning looks/fertility and wanting to feel desirable. Same boat.

Yes, in the same boat...and doesn't help that DH is lazy and has let himself go.... "sigh"

[Anonymous]

Watch the Showtime series The Affair.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for the screaming hormones cheering you on to reproduce. Tell your husband about how hormone crazed you are, and how you need to mix things up with him. Maybe he'll rise to the challenge. Chances are he's heading towards his own midlife restless phase. Keep doing things for yourself that make you feel good--work out, have new experiences and try to do new things of all kinds with your husband, enjoy your fantasies, masturbate and have sex a lot. In a few years it will calm down.

[Anonymous]

I don't get this. Women don't usually have a desire to sleep with men other than their husbands? Men constantly want affairs. Maybe this is why the ratio on Ashley Madison is 20:1 men to women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: What you are going through is the final throes of your fertility; as your reproductive system begins to shut down it is programmed to compel you to reproduce one last time.

As complicated as we may think we are we are really just hormone fueled robots. My advice to you would be to try and focus this sexual energy on your husband; no it won't be as thrilling as a coworker but a coworker isn't going to help you cut your toenails when you're too old to do so yourself.

This may be my favorite thing that I have read on DCUM.

+ 1
Hit the nail on the head with the hormone fueled robots descriptor. Its the chemistry within your own body. Look at the Explicit forum for all the insatiable women in their 40s. And each of them have this problem because they are actually quite healthy. The ones who are chronically low libido are those with underlying health problems.