wtf is wrong with me? Really want to have an affair

[Anonymous]

43 yo woman. Good marriage, two kids. I've become obsessed with having an affair. Fixated on a coworker just to have someone to crush on. That crush fizzled because I wasn't really that attracted to him. I have channeled the energy into my marriage and working out and work but the feeling persists. Is therapy the answer? I haven't gotten much out of therapy in the past and don't feel depressed (used to struggle with depression). Time to find an all-consuming hobby? I am fortunate i have almost no opportunity to have an affair (straight from home to work to school pickup) or it would have happened by now.

[Anonymous]

I never been one to believe that straight-up monogamy for 5 decades is what any human being was built for. But good luck explaining that to your children if they find out what mommy did.

[Anonymous]

Before you have an affair, ask yourself why? Affairs are usually not an answer to whatever it is you are after or lacking in your life.

[Anonymous]

Hope this is mot too explicit: Masturbate. You have a fantasy. Give it a happy ending. Be careful not to incorporate anyone from real life. Orgasm hormones powerfully cloud reality. In your fanatsies, explore what it is that you really want and what it means about what uou are not getting in your current relationship. Someone expressing something verbally? Or expressing something thru actions? More leadership (from you or from him)? Leverage that to fix what you have.

i have plenty of fantasies that I would never act on.

[Anonymous]

Just be careful not to convince yourself that your marriage is worst than it is. That's happens a lot to validate the feelings.

[Anonymous]

This is why it's a bad idea to marry anyone who isn't your soulmate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why it's a bad idea to marry anyone who isn't your soulmate.

+1 My soulmate and I will never have affairs.

Since you don't have a soulmate now, have the affair. The affair partner may become a soulmate. If not, no harm done.

[Anonymous]

What you are going through is the final throes of your fertility; as your reproductive system begins to shut down it is programmed to compel you to reproduce one last time.

As complicated as we may think we are we are really just hormone fueled robots. My advice to you would be to try and focus this sexual energy on your husband; no it won't be as thrilling as a coworker but a coworker isn't going to help you cut your toenails when you're too old to do so yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be careful not to convince yourself that your marriage is worst than it is. That's happens a lot to validate the feelings.

This.

— the gaslighted wife who was dumped for the affair lady — who was totally just a fantasy and disappeared quickly. Naturally.

[Anonymous]

There's no such thing as soulmate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: What you are going through is the final throes of your fertility; as your reproductive system begins to shut down it is programmed to compel you to reproduce one last time.

As complicated as we may think we are we are really just hormone fueled robots. My advice to you would be to try and focus this sexual energy on your husband; no it won't be as thrilling as a coworker but a coworker isn't going to help you cut your toenails when you're too old to do so yourself.

This may be my favorite thing that I have read on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

There's something in yourself that you're lacking so you're looking to external things to fill it.

Seek therapy

[Anonymous]

Mid life crisis...this too shall pass

[Anonymous]

Wome here, coming off a long term affair with a co-worker and I can tell you it is the worst idea ever!! I thought it was great for a long time and then reality set in and now things are just awkward at least....I thought I would not regret, and now I seriously do. I get the temptation, but really think long and hard. If you really want a thrill, pick a non coworker and someone you will never have to see again. If I were to ever do it again, it has to be with a strange I won't see again. A coworker gets so complicated! I hope the feeling passes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: What you are going through is the final throes of your fertility; as your reproductive system begins to shut down it is programmed to compel you to reproduce one last time.

As complicated as we may think we are we are really just hormone fueled robots. My advice to you would be to try and focus this sexual energy on your husband; no it won't be as thrilling as a coworker but a coworker isn't going to help you cut your toenails when you're too old to do so yourself.

This may be my favorite thing that I have read on DCUM.

+2 for this surprisingly logical post.