I hate my mother!

[Anonymous]

I am just short of hating mine too. I cut her off and haven't seen her in almost four years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you 27 and still in school? Lock it up, already.

Shut up. I'm in med school.

So is my son, and he lives with two roommates. Move out.

[Anonymous]

Big hug, OP!

My mother loves me dearly and has taken good care of me many times, but she does have profound psychological issues that make her hurt people when they're down, and the problem is these moments are not predictable.

She actually did kick me out of her house when I was broke and helpless with two young children. My BIL took me in, bless him. She verbally abused all of us, accusing us of the wildest things - like changing the temperature of her fridge to deliberately rot her vegetables (!).

Please, as much as you possibly can, keep a laser focus on your own future success. You're young and strong and unattached without any dependents. If financially/materially it makes sense to stay, stay as long as you can! I know that your coping mechanism will keep changing with her moods, I've been there. There is no pride here. You need to shut up and keep you head down and your future self will thank you for it.

If it gets too much, then of course, get out, hopefully to a more welcoming environment. But unless there's one out there for you right now, she's got you well and good, and there's nothing you can do except take it like the strong woman you are.

You can do it!

[Anonymous]

Op can you just rent a bedroom near school? Try craigslist. Maybe talk to a student advisor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you 27 and still in school? Lock it up, already.

Shut up. I'm in med school.

So is my son, and he lives with two roommates. Move out.

Or check out emotionally. Use the situation to your advantage, then move on when you're ready.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry about your mom being abusive to you. She is clearly a mentally ill person. I am in my 40s and my mother is still verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, never my younger sister. Some pps might recognize me from my posts. It is absolutely terrible even now for me. My Dad was also abusive towards my mom, they are still together, but Dad is very old now and in very bad health, and she has blamed me for protecting her against him. No joke. I would literary stop him from physically abusing her and now she is saying that this only made it worse. Not only that, but she said that I killed her during my birth. New accusations keep popping up older and more senile she gets. She is now verbally abusive towards my DD so I stopped all contact between them, and now I am suffering criticism because of that, as she "loves her granddaughter and only corrects her for her own good!" I am lucky that mom lives far away. I know that if you could move out you would. I wish I could give you some advice, but I really don't have any. People will say cut out all contact, if you can that would really be the best, but as you are in school still, I don't know. Look forward to the day when you will be able to live on your own and try to make is a reality as soon as possible even if it means financial hardship. I am sending you hugs and lots of love. I am a mom to teens now, and trying to shower my kids with love and praise.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally understand your situation. I just want to tell you hang in there. I, like you, struggled through Med school...and a lot of people don't understand the stress we go through. Unlike you, I was married so my husband had to work his butt off...and yet was never enough in the eyes of my mother who expected her daughter to look stylish and relaxed while going through medical school. My drama was different from yours but stress is stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, I am so, so sorry. It is okay to completely detach from her right now and just focus on taking care of yourself. Her drama and addiction and guilt tripping and life choices and verbal abuse is guess what - hers. You cannot fix it or control it, so the best thing is to detach and keep steering the focus on taking care of your life and wellness.

To really, really learn how to do it and feel free, I recommend you go to Al-Anon meetings - for friends or family of an addict. You will wish you did it sooner it's amazing trust me. And you can meet people there who will be there for you whenever you need someone for support. Try a few places, you might like one more than another. There are some Al-Anon meetings specific to adult children of alcoholics ("adult child") too.

Hugs to you.

Agree with the pp, OP. Try attending Al-Anon meetings for adult children of alcoholics. I started doing that in grad school and it really helped me both with my relationship with my mother and with getting through grad school. Good luck, OP! You deserve better. Get some support to help you get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and can't stand my mom. She left my family when I was four years old for another man. My siblings and I had to move with her when my dad was sent to rehab ( alcohol and drugs issues). She left us with my dad who was abusive and addicted to drugs. She has favored my younger sister because she was my step-dad's child. She is always picking on me because I think she is jealous of me. She has bipolar disorder and refuses to be medicated. All she does is put us down and tell us she would have had an abortion if she knew we were going to be this stupid and worthless. I had to move back home after I lost my job ( I'm a student and pay for school). Everyday since she has threatened to kick me out. It's exhausting. If anyone tries to stick up for themselves she threatens to hit them and kick them out. She has done this since we were 16 years old. I hate her so much.

At 27 you are old enough to go it alone. Do it and stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you 27 and still in school? Lock it up, already.

Who the fuck cares even if she is 27 and still in undergrad school? You sound like a mean, petty, compassionless person.

[Anonymous]

OP -- I went through something similar to what you're going through. Take it from me -- it doesn't get better. Adding insult to injury, favored sister was also abusive. It was really tough dealing with insane mother and vicious sibling(s). Eventually I finally graduated from college. If I were to do it all over again, I would have walked away from my family back then and never looked back. They have been a source of never-ending toxicity well into my adult years. Decades later, I finally cut them out of my life, and it has been like removing a millstone from around my neck. You should definitely explore the excellent ideas other PP's have suggested. Consider grants, scholarships, student loans. I remember a lot of the folks who worked night security were graduate students and the night shift allowed them some study time. Front desk people in surrounding apartment buildings were often students, and again, the night shift allowed study time. Plenty of jobs out there give you college tuition benefits. Work hard to find alternatives to living with your mother. It's worth it! My very best wishes to you and to a wonderful future for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you 27 and still in school? Lock it up, already.

Shut up. I'm in med school.

You sound just as pleasant as your mother.
I'm sure you have 1001 reasons you can't move out.
You had a shit childhood, lots of people do.
You have crappy and abusive parents lots of people do.
You couldn't control the situation when you were a kid, but you aren't a kid anymore.
You aren't a kid anymore.
Figure out how to move out.
Maybe you split housing with some other students.
Maybe you rent a room.
Maybe you get a job people can and do work through med school.
Your mom isn't going to change.
You living with her isn't healthy.
Make the changes you need to. Get out and get therapy.

[Anonymous]

I think 02:15 is using tough love to tell it like it is. PP is saying feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to get you anywhere or solve the situation with your mom or do anything for your life. Staying will harm you. You've got to take care of yourself in a healthy way. When your support system (family) is shitty to you you tend to surround yourself with people like them outside of the family. That is maybe something that therapy can help you avoid. The best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you 27 and still in school? Lock it up, already.

Shut up. I'm in med school.

You need to take 100 hours of Bedside Manner. No wonder your mother threatens to kick you out with your attitude!

[Anonymous]

Please take out student loans and move out with roommates or a studio. I did it and lived cheap through med school. It's time to leave behind the drama and dysfunction.