I hate my mother!

[Anonymous]

I am 27 and can't stand my mom. She left my family when I was four years old for another man. My siblings and I had to move with her when my dad was sent to rehab ( alcohol and drugs issues). She left us with my dad who was abusive and addicted to drugs. She has favored my younger sister because she was my step-dad's child. She is always picking on me because I think she is jealous of me. She has bipolar disorder and refuses to be medicated. All she does is put us down and tell us she would have had an abortion if she knew we were going to be this stupid and worthless. I had to move back home after I lost my job ( I'm a student and pay for school). Everyday since she has threatened to kick me out. It's exhausting. If anyone tries to stick up for themselves she threatens to hit them and kick them out. She has done this since we were 16 years old. I hate her so much.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Some people are probably going to reply and blame you for moving back in and tell you that you're old enough to just walk away, but I can understand your situation. If your mom is like mine (and it sounds like she is), you probably weren't given all the tools you needed to sustain a successful launch/break from your family of origin. I wonder too if your mom is actually NPD as well- in that situation, even if you recognize that you need to get away from her it can be very difficult to break free and build your independence as an adult. Just in case, I recommend "will I ever be good enough" (I think the authors last name is McBride) and browsing the accompanying website. You will survive and find love and support. Look to friends, mentors, etc and build a family from them.

[Anonymous]

My family was not as disfinctional. But non the less I do not like my mother either. A great relief was I told her that her life was a waste - she could have done so much for her kids and grandkids - but did not want to make a decision and thus blew a fortune. I told her the only way her life has any significance is by showing future generations what not to do. Waste your life in anxious deprecission.

[Anonymous]

Why are you 27 and still in school? Lock it up, already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you 27 and still in school? Lock it up, already.

Shut up. I'm in med school.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people are in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Oh sweetie, I am so, so sorry. It is okay to completely detach from her right now and just focus on taking care of yourself. Her drama and addiction and guilt tripping and life choices and verbal abuse is guess what - hers. You cannot fix it or control it, so the best thing is to detach and keep steering the focus on taking care of your life and wellness.

To really, really learn how to do it and feel free, I recommend you go to Al-Anon meetings - for friends or family of an addict. You will wish you did it sooner it's amazing trust me. And you can meet people there who will be there for you whenever you need someone for support. Try a few places, you might like one more than another. There are some Al-Anon meetings specific to adult children of alcoholics ("adult child") too.

Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Heres the MD/DC Al-Anon meeting directory http://www.marylanddc-alanon.org/printable-meeting-directories

[Anonymous]

Heres northern VA http://www.alanonva.com/meetings/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and can't stand my mom. She left my family when I was four years old for another man. My siblings and I had to move with her when my dad was sent to rehab ( alcohol and drugs issues). She left us with my dad who was abusive and addicted to drugs. She has favored my younger sister because she was my step-dad's child. She is always picking on me because I think she is jealous of me. She has bipolar disorder and refuses to be medicated. All she does is put us down and tell us she would have had an abortion if she knew we were going to be this stupid and worthless. I had to move back home after I lost my job ( I'm a student and pay for school). Everyday since she has threatened to kick me out. It's exhausting. If anyone tries to stick up for themselves she threatens to hit them and kick them out. She has done this since we were 16 years old. I hate her so much.

PP again (Al Anon). I missed that you live with her. I pray you can find another place to live asap, even if it is just temporary. like with a friend. or reaching out to a local pastor who might find a church member to give you a free room or maybe offer one himself. Get food stamps and "temporary cash assistance" at social services asap. Meet with financial aid. Explain you are practically homeless as you are in an abusive environment. .Sometimes they have $3- $5,000 in quick grants they can give on the spot, which I'd guess would become available in cash to you if you paid the tuition bill already in cash or with a loan. . wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

Hon - she's a jerk. Do NOT live at home any longer. Even if you have to go to a homeless shelter that would be far far better for you.
Don't even call Mumsy for a good 10 years.

Pack your bags (but don't say anything - lest the abuse get worse. Just leave a note) and with someone from your school and/or a social worker to find alternative housing. You should be eligible for some kind of benefits as well - if not unemployment then food stamps?

I'd rather live under a bridge then live with this woman.

[Anonymous]

When I was in grad school there were a bunch of group houses, and often people who were taking a term off or in a weird housing limbo situation would crash at those houses. Do you know anyone in one of these situations and can you ask for space in a den/couch/basement? Even if you think it would be weird, your classmates will likely not care because everyone will be off studying anyway. My grad school also had dorms and there were frequently rooms open in the middle of the term of someone never showed up or left during the semester, but it wasn't a well-known thing. I remember our dean placing a few people who were in an abusive marriage and a house fire (separate incidents) in the dorms for free for the remainder of the term.

Reach out and ask. Your mom has probably trained you to believe that no one is on your side, but that isn't true- people will help you. If you hear a no, keep going and trust that there will be a yes.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you just need a break to make your way. I pray that you get it. Don't give up! Vent if you must, but don't devote any more energy that is necessary to this abusive relationship. You'll get there, don't give up

[Anonymous]

... and please let us know how things go for you. I hope things improve, I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Some people are really understanding and seem to care. Thank you and I am not the poster. It seems like everyone in life goes through struggles. As Budda says life is a struggle.