the crazy expense of joining a synagogue!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no requirement of payment to pray in a synagogue. You can go in anytime and pray, go to services, etc. No one is turned away. The PPs are talking about membership -- i.e., the right to hold your wedding, bar mitzvah, etc. there.

OH, OK!! Now it makes sense And you don't have to pay for hte wedding and bar mitzvah right when the time comes right?

I know catholic churches have a fee for those kind of events - baptism, wedding, etc... and it varies according to how much in demand the church is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no requirement of payment to pray in a synagogue. You can go in anytime and pray, go to services, etc. No one is turned away. The PPs are talking about membership -- i.e., the right to hold your wedding, bar mitzvah, etc. there.

OH, OK!! Now it makes sense And you don't have to pay for hte wedding and bar mitzvah right when the time comes right?

I know catholic churches have a fee for those kind of events - baptism, wedding, etc... and it varies according to how much in demand the church is.

I think there may be a fee, but it's much less for members. My husband and I weren't members of a synagogue when we got married, and we had a heck of a time finding a place and a rabbi to get married. The fees are high. The problem is basically, one of supply and demand. There are a lot more "unaffiliated" Jews then there are temples and synagogues. So for special events -- weddings, funerals, holidays like Rosh Hoshanah and Yom Kippur, Jews want to go to synagogue. But we don't necessarily want to be year-round supporting synagogue members. The synagogues aren't going to turn away people who want to come inside and pray, but if you want to use their facilities for special events, their members come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no requirement of payment to pray in a synagogue. You can go in anytime and pray, go to services, etc. No one is turned away. The PPs are talking about membership -- i.e., the right to hold your wedding, bar mitzvah, etc. there.

I'm not sure that's how I'd define membership. For me, it's more about being an official part of the community who takes advantage of its many amenities and is responsible for a share of its support.

It may be that synagogues provide more and more expensive services (beyond the religious sense of "services") for their members than many churches. For example, our child's Conservative Hebrew school runs 1-3 days a week (more for older children), depends on professional, paid teachers, includes music, dance and art, provides trips and professional performances, and has frequent catered receptions for families. Our synagogue also has a very decent library and a professional librarian. It supports a home for mentally ill former homeless people (I think almost entirely). Then there are ritual obligations that reach into all facets of life. Some need dedicated facilities (like a mikveh) as well as human resources. It seems like the synagogue bureaucracy really runs at almost full staffing throughout the week, not just on Fridays and Saturdays. Then there's the large security staff...

On the other, hand, we have to be the only members who are parents living on one public sector salary! I believe the sliding scale is based on age rather than income. This helps us a bit. We can pay the membership/ religious school bill, but it hurts us more than it does most other families. There's always a procedure for reaching financial compromises, though we've been too proud to use it. This year, given the widespread financial situation, the religious school specifically invited parents to discuss financial concerns. Still, given the general affluence of the American Jewish community at the moment, I think we don't do a great job of effectively extending full membership to middle-income families. The consequences... the attrition that results is troubling.

Anyway, if OP is not interested in full-service membership, she and her family would probably be welcome to attend when they wish. Most Hebrew schools will allow you to enroll your kids as a non-member, but pay a higher tuition. Same with preschools and camps. They may give space preference to members.

[Anonymous]

Also, some readers may be unaware that Jewish congregations cannot accept money on Shabbat/the Sabbath, when the main weekly service is held. So having a collection plate is not an option . . .dues are the alternative.

[Anonymous]

I haven't seen dues structures in MD anywhere near that and I think that a lot of people pay less than the suggested amount.

Here's what I know from the reform temple in MD where my kids are in preschool. The basic dues (minimum) is $2100/year. BUT 55% of members pay less than the basic dues....In most cases, you just have to ask. And you can also get on a payment plan. For example, you can ask to pay $100/month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no requirement of payment to pray in a synagogue. You can go in anytime and pray, go to services, etc. No one is turned away. The PPs are talking about membership -- i.e., the right to hold your wedding, bar mitzvah, etc. there.

I'm not sure that's how I'd define membership. For me, it's more about being an official part of the community who takes advantage of its many amenities and is responsible for a share of its support.

I think you missed the point. The point is not to pick apart the definition of membership. Define it however you want. The previous poster was left with the impression that Jews must pay merely to enter a synagogue and pray. Do we want to leave gentiles with that impression?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no requirement of payment to pray in a synagogue. You can go in anytime and pray, go to services, etc. No one is turned away. The PPs are talking about membership -- i.e., the right to hold your wedding, bar mitzvah, etc. there.

I'm not sure that's how I'd define membership. For me, it's more about being an official part of the community who takes advantage of its many amenities and is responsible for a share of its support.

I think you missed the point. The point is not to pick apart the definition of membership. Define it however you want. The previous poster was left with the impression that Jews must pay merely to enter a synagogue and pray. Do we want to leave gentiles with that impression?

No, but do we want to leave unaffiliated Jews with the impression that community membership is strictly a fee-for-service transaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no requirement of payment to pray in a synagogue. You can go in anytime and pray, go to services, etc. No one is turned away. The PPs are talking about membership -- i.e., the right to hold your wedding, bar mitzvah, etc. there.

OH, OK!! Now it makes sense And you don't have to pay for hte wedding and bar mitzvah right when the time comes right?

I know catholic churches have a fee for those kind of events - baptism, wedding, etc... and it varies according to how much in demand the church is.

There is no fee in a Catholic Church for those events. Typically, you make a donation to the Church or priest for a wedding or baptism, and the amount is completely up to you.

[Anonymous]

We belong to an orthodox synagogue in DC and dues are $750 per year per family - there is a sliding scale for singles and young professionals. These dues are not obligatory, there are many people who attend weekly services and never pay anything, but the synagogue needs them to support its bills - salaries, electric, phone, maintenance, etc.

There are various programs throughout the year for which the synagogue charges a minimal fee ($25 and under) and seats for high holidays are around $150. There are also a variety of fundrising events -annual dinner, etc.

When you join a synagogue, you are not paying to attend services or have events there, you are supporting an institution and a community that you have chosen to be a part of.

[Anonymous]

I am a 30-something inter-married Jewess ( ) with a 1 year old and I have to say, while I understand the concept of having dues to join a synogogue, it has really kept me from joining. Even though my family makes pretty good money, several thousand dollars a year is a huge commitment. I don't particularly think we do a good job of reaching out to Jews who aren't members, and when i was even younger, i always felt like temples didnt care about me until I was married with kids and they could guilt me into joining because I want my kids to go to Sunday school. I know thats not how _they_ saw it, but thats how it felt/feels. And this is from someone who grew up reform but very observant...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no requirement of payment to pray in a synagogue. You can go in anytime and pray, go to services, etc. No one is turned away. The PPs are talking about membership -- i.e., the right to hold your wedding, bar mitzvah, etc. there.

You speak for them all?

[Anonymous]

OP here -- thanks so much for all of the responses; there's a lot of helpful stuff in here for me to dig through. I should also clarify that the $8000 isn't minimum for everyone. The synagogues that I've looked into have a sliding scale of contributions based on salary that's equivalent to approximately 2 percent of your combined gross income. It starts lower for those making, say, $100,000 per year combined income, and goes up from there at each $100,000.

I think my biggest problem with the whole thing is exactly what PP at 14:37 says -- that several thousand a year is a huge commitment, particularly if you want to be sort of a member of a community, but not a full-fledged active participant. While I recognize that we all need to contribute to support the synagogue and its activities, I'm not enthused about a model that's basically a wealth redistribution system. But I'm glad to hear from PPs that, at some places, (a) you can pay separately to attend high holy holiday services, (b) you can pay separately for kids to attend hebrew school, or (c) you can negotiate membership contributions (although I admit I'm not really comfortable with option (c)).

Thanks again for the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 30-something inter-married Jewess ( ) with a 1 year old and I have to say, while I understand the concept of having dues to join a synogogue, it has really kept me from joining. Even though my family makes pretty good money, several thousand dollars a year is a huge commitment. I don't particularly think we do a good job of reaching out to Jews who aren't members, and when i was even younger, i always felt like temples didnt care about me until I was married with kids and they could guilt me into joining because I want my kids to go to Sunday school. I know thats not how _they_ saw it, but thats how it felt/feels. And this is from someone who grew up reform but very observant...

I feel the same way. I grew up in a small Midwestern congregation and was very active. Now that I'm here in the big city, I feel that my husband is not welcome at most synagogues, that I will be scorned by most anyway, and that I must pay big money to even try to attend services. Plus, 7:00 at night (ie their normal bedtime) isn't when I want to bring my kids to a religious service where none of us know anyone and my kids will whine.

[Anonymous]

About (c)- negotiating. In my experience, it isn't a negotiation at all. Friends of ours just sent in what they could pay and no one said anything. And, for us, it was a brief phone call where we said we want to join but can't pay x. They asked what we could pay and that was the end of that.

Also, if it is a sliding scale, I imagine it is an honor system. You should just pay what you can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 30-something inter-married Jewess ( ) with a 1 year old and I have to say, while I understand the concept of having dues to join a synogogue, it has really kept me from joining. Even though my family makes pretty good money, several thousand dollars a year is a huge commitment. I don't particularly think we do a good job of reaching out to Jews who aren't members, and when i was even younger, i always felt like temples didnt care about me until I was married with kids and they could guilt me into joining because I want my kids to go to Sunday school. I know thats not how _they_ saw it, but thats how it felt/feels. And this is from someone who grew up reform but very observant...

I feel the same way. I grew up in a small Midwestern congregation and was very active. Now that I'm here in the big city, I feel that my husband is not welcome at most synagogues, that I will be scorned by most anyway, and that I must pay big money to even try to attend services. Plus, 7:00 at night (ie their normal bedtime) isn't when I want to bring my kids to a religious service where none of us know anyone and my kids will whine.

If it is feasible, I highly recommend sending your kids to a synagoguge based preschool. This often solves a lot of these problems (know parents/kids from preschool, more welcoming of families with little kids, reduced preschool tuition for members, etc.). Plus, you can try out a synagogue this way