Mother won't stop offering to take me shopping

[Anonymous]

I think you should take her up on the offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I watched my mom die of cancer when I was 9 years old. What I wouldn't give for this "problem," OP.

I agree, and eff you to others saying this is a real problem. It isn't. If you don't want to go shopping, tell her you'd prefer to shop on your own.

I assume neither of you have any problems in life, then?

Congratulations, you win!

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, the thing that jumped out at me is that you aren't fighting over your new baby. Seems like so many family arguments are over the best way to feed, clothe, nap, etc. the baby. So congrats!

And I would absolutely try to think of something fun to do with your Mom that isn't clothes shopping. Or think of one clothing item that you want to shop for together - new shoes, tunic sweater, watch - whatever, and then stay focused on that item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I watched my mom die of cancer when I was 9 years old. What I wouldn't give for this "problem," OP.

I agree, and eff you to others saying this is a real problem. It isn't. If you don't want to go shopping, tell her you'd prefer to shop on your own.

I assume neither of you have any problems in life, then?

Congratulations, you win!

Uh... that response makes zero sense in context. Get back to your soaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I watched my mom die of cancer when I was 9 years old. What I wouldn't give for this "problem," OP.

I agree, and eff you to others saying this is a real problem. It isn't. If you don't want to go shopping, tell her you'd prefer to shop on your own.

I assume neither of you have any problems in life, then?

Congratulations, you win!

Uh... that response makes zero sense in context. Get back to your soaps.

That is a pretty lame attempt at an insult. You need to up your game.

[Anonymous]

OP here. There is, of course, more to this story. My mom is very, very touchy. She likes to gossip. She uses events like this to pump me for personal information that she can then talk about ad nauseum for months. If I deflect for very long, she gets her feelings hurt. So, even an hour or two of one-on-one time is unpleasant, because she gets angry that I'm not telling her about my deepest hopes and fears, or my husband's problems, or gossiping about my in-laws, or saying catty things about people.

We spend most of our time together with my children, and I would like to keep it that way. We do occasionally have lunch together or something, but that's as much as I'm willing to do.

I suspect she knows as much, and keeps bringing up the shopping to eventually force me to either go or to say something that will hurt her feelings. I just want to make her drop it.

Over the years (I'm 44, she's 71), we have had plenty of conversations about why we aren't close. She doesn't agree with my version of things, or, I guess, feels that the past is the past (even if it was just last week), and we should act like we're Lorelai and Rory.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I am very sorry for those of you who lost a parent you loved deeply. But you know what, it's easy to romanticize a relationship with a parent who doesn't exist. Maybe yours would have been wonderful and nurturing, or maybe it would have been as fraught as the ones many of us have with our living parents.

My relationship with my mother is poor in part because my father is mentally ill, and she decided long ago that keeping her home intact and as peaceful as possible, regardless of the crazy that required all of us to suffer, was her primary goal. I often wonder whether we all would have been better off if he had died when I was young. I used to dream about the whole family dying in a big fire ...

[Anonymous]

She's thinking that the two of you might bond during shopping.

[Anonymous]

Wow Op, you sound horrible. You resent your mom but have you ever thought about what it was like for her? No. You're selfish. But I'm sure you'll be a perfect mother and give your kid a perfect life.

Or more likely you'll somehow screw up your kid too because you sound like a selfish bitch. I feel bad for your mom, it sounds like she's had a difficult life.

[Anonymous]

Op, schedule something else with her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I am very sorry for those of you who lost a parent you loved deeply. But you know what, it's easy to romanticize a relationship with a parent who doesn't exist. Maybe yours would have been wonderful and nurturing, or maybe it would have been as fraught as the ones many of us have with our living parents.

My relationship with my mother is poor in part because my father is mentally ill, and she decided long ago that keeping her home intact and as peaceful as possible, regardless of the crazy that required all of us to suffer, was her primary goal. I often wonder whether we all would have been better off if he had died when I was young. I used to dream about the whole family dying in a big fire ...

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow Op, you sound horrible. You resent your mom but have you ever thought about what it was like for her? No. You're selfish. But I'm sure you'll be a perfect mother and give your kid a perfect life.

Or more likely you'll somehow screw up your kid too because you sound like a selfish bitch. I feel bad for your mom, it sounds like she's had a difficult life.

Agree 100%. May your kids treat you like you treat your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I am very sorry for those of you who lost a parent you loved deeply. But you know what, it's easy to romanticize a relationship with a parent who doesn't exist. Maybe yours would have been wonderful and nurturing, or maybe it would have been as fraught as the ones many of us have with our living parents.

My relationship with my mother is poor in part because my father is mentally ill, and she decided long ago that keeping her home intact and as peaceful as possible, regardless of the crazy that required all of us to suffer, was her primary goal. I often wonder whether we all would have been better off if he had died when I was young. I used to dream about the whole family dying in a big fire ...

Wow.

OP, our lives seem very similar. I totally understand where you are coming from. Stay strong.

[Anonymous]

I'd go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow Op, you sound horrible. You resent your mom but have you ever thought about what it was like for her? No. You're selfish. But I'm sure you'll be a perfect mother and give your kid a perfect life.

Or more likely you'll somehow screw up your kid too because you sound like a selfish bitch. I feel bad for your mom, it sounds like she's had a difficult life.

Agree 100%. May your kids treat you like you treat your mother.

This. Stop being an ungrateful bitch and suck it up for one day. God, the "me me me" of DC is sickening.