Did anyone build an in law suite or move to bigger house to move in MIL?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I just turned our first floor half hath into a handicap accessible 3/4 bath with the expectation that my surviving parent will eventually move in. We have a first floor bedroom that is adjacent to the bath.

My parents are 77 and still active, but this is our plan.

Fwiw, my sister lives three streets away and has the same setup in her house. I expect they will split the time between the two homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, thanks for the thoughtful reply. I hadn't thought of many of these hings. She is financially irresponsible, so that gives me pause. I figure we'll be supporting her financially eventually. I don't think zoning will allow for a full kitchen setup, unfortunately.

You can probably have everything but the oven and still be within code. Then, she can have a counter top small oven and be able to do almost everything.

[Anonymous]

My neighbours have grandma living with them. They are from another country, I don't know who's mom, but things seem to be well, she walks the dog, and used to take grandkid to bus stop while he was younger. It seems to work for them. I would never have my own mom move in, she is abusive towards me and DD, but I think it is fine otherwise. Is your MIL also from your culture or is she American born and raised? Unless you know her to be a nightmare, why not? My SIL has her mom living with them, and they are generations US white people. It gets to be a lot of work if grandma's health starts failing, but that is why her mom moved in, she needed help. I was raised by my grandma and I loved it. Mom and Dad were there, but working, but grandma was there all the time. I learned to cook from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering this for MIL, age 70. She is healthy now but lives in an isolated cold-weather area and DHs only sibling is very unstable. She is not wealthy enough to live on her own here We have two children who love her and could benefit from her care (ages 4 and 6) after school. This is my idea, not DHs. Is it crazy to consider? I come from a culture where this is not uncommon.

This the kind of mistake you will look back on with tears in your eyes. Americans don't know how to behave themselves and contribute to a family the way people from traditional cultures do. This kind of arrangement will not work with an American MIL. She will move in and be ungrateful.

Go away troll. I have a WASP friend whose mother lives with them on a floor of their house and they get along very well. It's particularly great for the grandchild who is receiving excellent care from a loving family member.

I must have hit a nerve. Your WASP friend is irrelevant. OP is from a traditional culture and merging households with an American MIL will be a nightmare. Come back and let us know how it works out, OP.

NP. You must be clueless.

Also, "traditional cultures" are pretty much the rest of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering this for MIL, age 70. She is healthy now but lives in an isolated cold-weather area and DHs only sibling is very unstable. She is not wealthy enough to live on her own here We have two children who love her and could benefit from her care (ages 4 and 6) after school. This is my idea, not DHs. Is it crazy to consider? I come from a culture where this is not uncommon.

This the kind of mistake you will look back on with tears in your eyes. Americans don't know how to behave themselves and contribute to a family the way people from traditional cultures do. This kind of arrangement will not work with an American MIL. She will move in and be ungrateful.

What a dumb thing to say. My grandmother lived with us when she got older. She had her own bedroom/sitting room/tv area. The hardest thing was that she really wanted to help, and she worried that she wasn't useful, and sometimes her efforts to be helpful actually made things harder for my mom, but she certainly wasn't ungrateful, and my brother and I appreciated her presence. We were older, so we didn't really need babysitting, but it was nice to have someone home when we got home from school, etc. I'd say the key things are to make sure that she has her own space and privacy, and some regular part of the family chores/routine. Eventually, she had to move to an assisted living facility because she required more care than we could give, but it was a wonderful time while it lasted.

[Anonymous]

We moved to a bigger place so we could move my aging parents in. We had to make sure it was a walkout basement... You have to consider that stairs could be a problem at some point. They basically have a whole level of our house to themselves, but we share the laundry room. They initially planned to put in a full kitchen, but did a smaller kitchenette instead.

My parents have limited income.. Basically just social security each month. We don't charge rent or utilities or anything. For now, my mom helps out by babysitting for date nights (and when kids have to miss school for mild illness) and cooking dinner each day. I feel like a 1950s breadwinner coming home from work each day to a fresh homemade meal!!! My husband loves it too. This is getting more and more common in America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have done the same thing for the past seven years. Sounds like a simliar situation, my mom was divorced, retired, and lived in a snowy area alone. She helped considerably when I first returned to work after DH was born. She is older now and stays with him an hour after school a few days a week until I can get home. Just a few things to note:

1. Look into the health care implications of moving. If your MIL has Medicare with a supplement plan she should just be able to transfer this over to the new state. Consider whether you will pay for this. For my mother is costs us about $250 a month plus we pay her prescription copays. Also, look into her medical needs and think about where she can be seen.

2. Finances. My mom is down to just her social security now so my DH and I contribute significantly. Also, my sister contributes as well. Both you and your DH need to be on the same page about this.

3. Emotions/Conflict-If at all possible give your MIL a large enough space including a bathroom and small kitchen. Being in a small house, together, especially during the cold months can be challenging. My mother has her own small apartment in our house and if I could give her more space I would.

I will tell you it is not always ideal, and there are days I wish I had not done this. On the other hand she provided exceptional care for my DS when he was little and we can now help her with her care.

Just on a light side, PP said after DH was born.