Reality check -- 5th grade girls

[Anonymous]

I'm in SF and it's not true out here. In fifth grade and sixth, DD was playing at recess. Now in 8th, phones are not used during school hours even during recess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in SF and it's not true out here. In fifth grade and sixth, DD was playing at recess. Now in 8th, phones are not used during school hours even during recess.

And?

[Anonymous]

First, no it is not true that "all the other kids are doing it" or that all of the so-called "popular kids" have advanced-for-age tech. Not even in middle school. Some do, for sure, but if they are mocking kids who don't have iphones -- ask yourself what you think of those kids.

Just keep in mind that the kids know which parents "allow" things that other parents don't. And your kids are getting a message when you cave in to their peer pressure pleas. This is where it starts folks.

Do you want to essentially say to your daughter "Even though I am against this, I want you to be popular, so I'm going to encourage you to follow the crowd and do this thing I really don't want you to be doing."

If you decide to give you child a phone, do not act like you are caving into peer pressure, for crying out loud. Have your own reasons for allowing it or not, and reinforce your own values.

[Anonymous]

I have kids from 4th to 12th grades. I think there is some truth to what she is saying. Kids group themselves by their interests. Sounds like she hasn't developed any interest in boys or sports. That leaves the kids who play with technology and it sounds like that's where she thinks she could fit in.

FWIW, we are on the eastern side of MCPS and in fourth grade most kids have iPhones and so end tons of time talking about apps. But kids can't have phones in school so they are not playing on them. They just FaceTime for hours on end in the evening. Musiclly is now "out".

So from what I see, your daughter is right. But that doesn't mean that's the only option for friends - she just has to figure somewhere else to fit in if you're going to say no. Personally, I'm pretty indifferent to it and my kids all have iPhones. We just have limits on what they can do on them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is not particularly sporty -- I think there's another group of girls that is off playing basketball. There may also be a third group of girls that is off talking about boys, but she's not interested in that yet.

FWIW, at DD's school, there was lots of overlap between the girls focused on their phones and the girls interested in boys--and much of that was playing out online. Based on my DD and her friends, I know there have got to be more groups out there, available to your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is not particularly sporty -- I think there's another group of girls that is off playing basketball. There may also be a third group of girls that is off talking about boys, but she's not interested in that yet.

FWIW, at DD's school, there was lots of overlap between the girls focused on their phones and the girls interested in boys--and much of that was playing out online. Based on my DD and her friends, I know there have got to be more groups out there, available to your DD.

I agree.

The elementary girls who are engaging in social media are usually the ones who are more advanced and "teenage" in their social relationships too.

[Anonymous]

I found that the biase for having and iPhone was because many kids don't have other messaging apps or many apps at that age or don't actually have actual cell service just wifi so they needed the iPhone or idevice for use of iMessaging.

In 5th grade, girls had finstagram accounts as well as real instagram accounts. I have found that now in 6th grade, most girls have moved on to snap chat (which we won't allow)

[Anonymous]

Oy. My fifth grade DD has music.ly, but I wouldn't allow snapchat. I may have to rethink this...

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but if you allow your child apps and accounts were the minimum age is 13, but your daughter isn't, what type of message are you sending to them as they become teens?

Rules don't apply if you don't believe it.

I am allowed to act older than I am

My mom doesn't follow rules so why should I

My mom knows popularity and socialization is more important than tech rules

My parents truly allow things when I say "but everyone else is" and that will work to my advantage.

My parents are more concerned with how I fit in rather than how I feel about myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is not particularly sporty -- I think there's another group of girls that is off playing basketball. There may also be a third group of girls that is off talking about boys, but she's not interested in that yet.

FWIW, at DD's school, there was lots of overlap between the girls focused on their phones and the girls interested in boys--and much of that was playing out online. Based on my DD and her friends, I know there have got to be more groups out there, available to your DD.

I agree.

The elementary girls who are engaging in social media are usually the ones who are more advanced and "teenage" in their social relationships too.

Yup. And the ones sexting by middle school

You give your kids phones so early and they will tech savvy themselves before their brains are even mature enough to understand long term consequences. At least by high school, some of their frontal lobe is working. 4-8th grade? Those kids are clueless. And as soon as they make an error, they ca. Figure out how to hide it from Mom and Dad but not their social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in SF and it's not true out here. In fifth grade and sixth, DD was playing at recess. Now in 8th, phones are not used during school hours even during recess.

My daughter goes to a local private here and it is the same way. No cell phones allowed until 7th grade and they have to be in lockers from the time school starts until the last bell. You have a 10 minute window to use them after lunch but only by your locker. This is to update parents on plans mainly. Need to use the phone otherwise? You go to the office. Between this rule and uniforms, it really changes the dynamic of school - for the better.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly why a group of a dozen friends of mine are making a pact not to give smartphones to our kids until high school (at the earliest). And our group is growing. So we at least know that our kids have these other close friends to pal around with at recess and talk about plenty of other stuff besides technology. They don't feel ostracized and we don't feel guilty in any way for "depriving" them of technology. When we got together as parents and first discussed this we were all so relieved to have a group to back each other up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly why a group of a dozen friends of mine are making a pact not to give smartphones to our kids until high school (at the earliest). And our group is growing. So we at least know that our kids have these other close friends to pal around with at recess and talk about plenty of other stuff besides technology. They don't feel ostracized and we don't feel guilty in any way for "depriving" them of technology. When we got together as parents and first discussed this we were all so relieved to have a group to back each other up.

I hope it lasts but some of those moms will cave. Wait and see...

[Anonymous]

We ended up letting our children get phones in middle school because social activities were planned through texting and facetime. When we noticed our oldest was being left out, not intentionally just because she didn't have the tools the kids were using to communicate, we adjusted our rules. It's been fine. Our kids don't have the same access as other kids, but we're also not pretending they live in a different reality than they actually live in.

I'd check with other parents and see what's really going on. It's possible your kid is giving you an accurate picture. It's also possible she really wants a phone and is seeing them everywhere because she's looking for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly why a group of a dozen friends of mine are making a pact not to give smartphones to our kids until high school (at the earliest). And our group is growing. So we at least know that our kids have these other close friends to pal around with at recess and talk about plenty of other stuff besides technology. They don't feel ostracized and we don't feel guilty in any way for "depriving" them of technology. When we got together as parents and first discussed this we were all so relieved to have a group to back each other up.

I hope it lasts but some of those moms will cave. Wait and see...

Agree. There was one mom who was a hold out, she made pronouncements about it on FB for over a year, she quietly bought her DD a phone the second month of 6th grade.

Musicaly, I ruined that one for my kid. She showed me some of her friends and I doubled over with laughter and told her they looked like idiots. She never asked for musicaly again. The videos do make them look like idiots.