huge age gap between the 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

There's a gap of 14 years between my first and second, and I was about your age when the second came along. They've always been surprisingly close, and I did things to nurture their bond, because I think the oldest one had always wanted a little brother. One thing I told him was that the little one would look up to him like nobody else and think he was the coolest guy on the planet. The oldest one was more of a super fun uncle in some ways. He had the younger one be his best man when he got married recently.

[Anonymous]

Well, Obama is a lot older than his half sister Maya, and they get along great. They were raised mostly by their mother's parents. In my case, I didn't have a child until I was 49. My son is now 9 and I would have been a much better father if I were younger. I don't what I'll do when he's a teen.

[Anonymous]

Can't respond to some aspects of your question, but my sisters are 11 and 14 years older than I am. They were more like fun babysitters when I was a kid, but we're all really close as adults, when the age gap is not a big deal at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see anything in your post about DH wanting a baby.
He has to be on board as well.

Also consider you will be in your 50s parenting a teenager.

In the short term do you want to be dealing with teaching a teen to drive and getting into college on top of caring for a newborn and toddler?

This is just your hormones and fear of change ( your child getting older) Tell them to shut up.



Ugh- So what? You don't think people in their 50s can deal with teenagers? How about Barack and Michelle or just about all of my friends. I would challenge whoever you are in an energy contest any day of the week. Such stupid ageism. I had two babies in my 30s and the last when I was 41; not as large an age gap as OP but there is nothing wrong with it as long as OP feels positive about the decision. There are lots and lots of women who have babies in their 40s with no issues! In fact, I was just telling some friends last night that my pregnancy at 40 was my best. I was in great shape throughout. I know this is individual but I hate when people come on with doom and gloom about what life is like in your 40s and 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure which topic to post this in. I am posting it here and sorry if its posted in the wrong topic.

I have a 15 year old DD. my age: 40 and dh: 44
miss having a second child and want to plan for a second baby.

Anyone else go through similar situation?
What are some of the issues or surprising or rude aspects in life with a second baby with such huge age gap?
what is it like to be pregnant in 40's?
what will be the impact on the teen?

When I was 18 my parents announced they were having a 2nd kid. There were zero problems for them or for me. It was like two generations of single child families in a way because I soon left home. However I formed a strong bond with my sibling which lasts to this day (I am now nearly 50). Go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my neighbor had her second child at your age and died in an accident at 43. Her siblings are in the mid-fifties and her parents are in their 80's since she was also the youngest in her family. Her DH has gone into a downward spiral of depression followed by unemployment and cannot care for the children. There is no family member or friend who are willing/able to take on a toddler and elementary-aged child at this point in their lives and the elderly grandparents are unable to. You should be sure before you have children that there will be guardians willing and able to care for both your children.

I mean, this doesn't seem to have much to do with OP's age. An accident is just as likely at 33 as 43 and plenty of people with no siblings/no or physically unfit parents have kids. Everyone should make sure they have guardians sorted out for their children should something happen. (I do understand that older parents are somewhat more likely to die from non-accident causes than younger parents, so this is something they especially need to consider in that regard... But this anecdote is a particularly bad example of why and this is really something that all parents need to consider.)

[Anonymous]

11 year gap between DC1 an DC2. For the kids, for the most part it has been great. DC1 had always wanted a sibling and they love playing together. Both DC1 and DC2 have had lots of parental attention as children. Downsides are I feel we are less involved in DC1s life simply because a teen's schedule and activities don't mesh with a toddler's schedule and activities. When DC1 has an evening event, DH or I have to be home with the toddler. When DC needs a ride to a practice, DC2 is napping. We miss recitals, games and school events that we never would have missed before. When we take the toddler to the museum or zoo, we have to leave early, and the teen wants to sleep in. Family vacations are stressful because we are all pretty much just chasing the toddler the whole time and can't really relax together.

The other thing I've found is that we are somewhat alienated from our friends with older children (which is a big chunk of our social group). These friends are at a point when they have much more freedom than we do, and it is hard to relate or schedule a night out with them. I feel like I'm going to have to make a whole new set of friends with young children, but don't really have the time or energy to do so. I am also not sure I completely thought through that I'd be parenting a child for 30+ years.

[Anonymous]

I'm 20 years older than my youngest brother. He is five weeks older than my oldest son. It was an interesting experience.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. 56 year old with a 15 yo DS who only by sheer will of God I have not strangled as yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see anything in your post about DH wanting a baby.
He has to be on board as well.

Also consider you will be in your 50s parenting a teenager.

In the short term do you want to be dealing with teaching a teen to drive and getting into college on top of caring for a newborn and toddler?

This is just your hormones and fear of change ( your child getting older) Tell them to shut up.



Ugh- So what? You don't think people in their 50s can deal with teenagers? How about Barack and Michelle or just about all of my friends. I would challenge whoever you are in an energy contest any day of the week. Such stupid ageism. I had two babies in my 30s and the last when I was 41; not as large an age gap as OP but there is nothing wrong with it as long as OP feels positive about the decision. There are lots and lots of women who have babies in their 40s with no issues! In fact, I was just telling some friends last night that my pregnancy at 40 was my best. I was in great shape throughout. I know this is individual but I hate when people come on with doom and gloom about what life is like in your 40s and 50s.

Did I say she shouldn't do it? I said it's something for her to strongly consider.
I speak as someone who has done/is doing it. I had kids in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. I'm a hell of a lot more tire in my late 50s approaching my 60s parenting the youngest.
Improve your comprehension before you spout off.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has a sister 17 years younger. They are very close, and very supportive of one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my neighbor had her second child at your age and died in an accident at 43. Her siblings are in the mid-fifties and her parents are in their 80's since she was also the youngest in her family. Her DH has gone into a downward spiral of depression followed by unemployment and cannot care for the children. There is no family member or friend who are willing/able to take on a toddler and elementary-aged child at this point in their lives and the elderly grandparents are unable to. You should be sure before you have children that there will be guardians willing and able to care for both your children.

I mean, this doesn't seem to have much to do with OP's age. An accident is just as likely at 33 as 43 and plenty of people with no siblings/no or physically unfit parents have kids. Everyone should make sure they have guardians sorted out for their children should something happen. (I do understand that older parents are somewhat more likely to die from non-accident causes than younger parents, so this is something they especially need to consider in that regard... But this anecdote is a particularly bad example of why and this is really something that all parents need to consider.)

I think you missed pp's point. A person having a child in their forties has older parents and friends who are less likely to be able to accommodate a small child into their lives should something happen to them later.

[Anonymous]

44 years old with 14yo. I'm single but have pondered for a few years about having another child, but then the reality of parenting a teen well into my 60's, sets in. I look youthful, but my body has aches and pains I didn't experience in my 30's. Good luck to you, whatever you decide in the end.

[Anonymous]

I started my family very late in life. I had DD at age 41 and then adopted a second child at age 49. So I am now 56 with a 15 year old and a 9 year old. I am glad the kids have each other (even though they taunt each other regularly). I am exhausted all the time though, and I am old enough to be the parent of most of my youngest child's friends. Luckily nobody has assumed I am grandma yet...well at least not to my face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started my family very late in life. I had DD at age 41 and then adopted a second child at age 49. So I am now 56 with a 15 year old and a 9 year old. I am glad the kids have each other (even though they taunt each other regularly). I am exhausted all the time though, and I am old enough to be the parent of most of my youngest child's friends. Luckily nobody has assumed I am grandma yet...well at least not to my face.

Meant to say old enough to be the parent of most of my youngest child's friends' parents.