huge age gap between the 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure which topic to post this in. I am posting it here and sorry if its posted in the wrong topic.

I have a 15 year old DD. my age: 40 and dh: 44
miss having a second child and want to plan for a second baby.

Anyone else go through similar situation?
What are some of the issues or surprising or rude aspects in life with a second baby with such huge age gap?
what is it like to be pregnant in 40's?
what will be the impact on the teen?

[Anonymous]

I surprised at that your age you feel like you have the energy to do it all again.

I know some men who did it a second time and did it half assed. Although some half ass the first robe as well ?

[Anonymous]

I'm 41, and I have a 2 year old. I don't know why I didn't consider this before, but my dad died at 67. It's not uncommon. I probably won't live long enough to really know my grandkids. It's sad.

[Anonymous]

Hi, Op

With that large a gap you will be basically raising two only children. It will impact the 15 year old until they are old enough for college or leave home. However, once the second is old enough than they can have a relationship and won't be alone in the world. But, the question is will you and your husband have enough energy?

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids. 24, 21, 12, and 9. I can't speak to being pregnant in 40's, but one thing I hadn't realized ahead of time was that the older kids really needed me after school. So parenting was my full time job - the little kids during the day while the older ones were in school then the nanny came in and watched the babies while I drove the older kids around after school.

Also, because there's a big age gap the kids will automatically not be as close as if they were going through the same stages at the same time. So on one hand you're trying to create this bond and on the short-term you're trying to keep the little ones out of the hair of the big ones while they're doing homework or have friends over. Because the friends will think the little kids are adorable but the actual siblings will not. So finding that balance is really tough.

[Anonymous]

I am 14 years older than my brother. I also have a sister 4 years younger than me. My mom was 41 when she had my brother. He did basically grow up like an only child but I don't think that's a bad thing. We are very close siblings. I do talk to my sister more often (2-4 times each week), but I talk to my brother at least twice a month and we group text often--maybe once a week.

My parents have grandchildren ranging in age from 15 to 10 months, and they are close to them. They just drove 3.5 hours to eat Grandparents' Breakfast with my son, spent the night and drove back home to eat Grandparents' Breakfast with my sister's son.

[Anonymous]

I don't see anything in your post about DH wanting a baby.
He has to be on board as well.

Also consider you will be in your 50s parenting a teenager.

In the short term do you want to be dealing with teaching a teen to drive and getting into college on top of caring for a newborn and toddler?

This is just your hormones and fear of change ( your child getting older) Tell them to shut up.

[Anonymous]

In just 3 years time you and your husband are free. Why would you want to go backwards?

Are you worried about divorce when your daughter leaves and you have an empty nest? Do you think a baby will keep your husband?

Babies don't fix problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 41, and I have a 2 year old. I don't know why I didn't consider this before, but my dad died at 67. It's not uncommon. I probably won't live long enough to really know my grandkids. It's sad.

At least half of dcum moms have a preschooler or younger at your age.

[Anonymous]

My friend has this gap. Her middle.child has severe add, and they weren't ready for another until he was 13. They love it. She is actually home schooling child #3, who is 6 now (she's 44), and her two young adults still live at home, too.

[Anonymous]

I can't speak to the age gap, but I had my first at 42 and second at 46. My pregnancies were great -- sort of textbook really. I had some prior surgeries and the OB demanded a c-section, but prob not necessary. I had a quick recovery with both. Being an older, more established mom, I did have to be in my office for a meeting with my client about two weeks after birth of the second, but I survived. I was very tired the first few years for both, but have survived with career and family intact so far. Everyone is different but if you are generally healthy, pregnancy after 40 is not that tough.

[Anonymous]

OP, my neighbor had her second child at your age and died in an accident at 43. Her siblings are in the mid-fifties and her parents are in their 80's since she was also the youngest in her family. Her DH has gone into a downward spiral of depression followed by unemployment and cannot care for the children. There is no family member or friend who are willing/able to take on a toddler and elementary-aged child at this point in their lives and the elderly grandparents are unable to. You should be sure before you have children that there will be guardians willing and able to care for both your children.

[Anonymous]

My brother, my coworker and my room mate from collage did this. They had a child when their youngest was in HS.

I think it is great, they are more laid back since they have BTDT. They have more $$$$$. They are more self confident the 2nd time around.

Go for it!

[Anonymous]

I have four, but the age gap between the oldest and youngest is about 16 years. They pretty much ignore each other. I agree with PP that it is like raising two only children.

[Anonymous]

There's a 12 year age gap between me and my big brother. He's awesome, and we're very close. Part of the reason for that is that my mom was sick for a long time, and died, when I was a very young adult, which brought us both together more when we were of ages to relate to each other. I think we both have benefited from having each other in the world