Bar and Bat Mitzvah Protocol -

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another question regarding protocol - if my DD receives a Bar/Bat Mitzvah invitation and is not close to the child, would it be okay to decline the invite? Or is this a social situation where you just have to go?

Yes. You can always decline an invitation. You should be sure to handle this appropriately and gracefully. If your daughter can't be trusted to keep her mouth shut about not really liking Larla, then send her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOT tacky to just attend the party. My kids would have been bummed if their friends didn't come to the party just because they had a conflict with the service. Neither they nor I can tell you who was at the service. Obviously go to the service if you can but if not then there is no reason to miss the party just because.

Very tacky to miss the service and not say something gracious to the kid. It can be a personal note I the rsvp, but it should be personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone's kid not get a ton of invites ? A lot of DC's friends and classmates are turning 13 this year. I try not to worry that my child will be left out of this - especially since it sounds as though everyone can expect to be invited to many bar and bat mitzvahs - but it's hard.

My kid was not an A lister. We don't live in a very Jewish community its, but he was fine about only being invited to some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another question regarding protocol - if my DD receives a Bar/Bat Mitzvah invitation and is not close to the child, would it be okay to decline the invite? Or is this a social situation where you just have to go?

It's not the gulag; you don't have to go, but at least in our case, my DCs sincerely chose every invitee. We didn't do courtesy invitations, so if you were invited, you were wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another question regarding protocol - if my DD receives a Bar/Bat Mitzvah invitation and is not close to the child, would it be okay to decline the invite? Or is this a social situation where you just have to go?

In many cases, the whole grade or class is invited, so by declining, your DC would be missing out on a fun party. If the celebrant didn't want your DC there, they would not be invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It'd be like going to the wedding reception and not attending the wedding. So yes, it's tacky to just go to the party.

Definitely NOT a universal sentiment. My kids in total have probably been to 50 of these. Many invites didn't even include the time and location of the service. We were often told that the kids weren't expected to attend. Having said that, if they ARE invited, they should go to a few just to appreciate it, especially for the non-Jews.

Wow, this is incredibly rude and disrespectful.

If your kid is invited and has a conflict, you or they should reach out to the host and explain the conflict and ask if it is ok to come to whatever of the service or party possible.

But to skip the service and just come to the party is total rude. Sorry, it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It'd be like going to the wedding reception and not attending the wedding. So yes, it's tacky to just go to the party.

Definitely NOT a universal sentiment. My kids in total have probably been to 50 of these. Many invites didn't even include the time and location of the service. We were often told that the kids weren't expected to attend. Having said that, if they ARE invited, they should go to a few just to appreciate it, especially for the non-Jews.

Wow, this is incredibly rude and disrespectful.

If your kid is invited and has a conflict, you or they should reach out to the host and explain the conflict and ask if it is ok to come to whatever of the service or party possible.

But to skip the service and just come to the party is total rude. Sorry, it is.

+1. PP is clearly thinking the party is the big deal, not realizing the child spends the better part of a year preparing for the Bnai Mitzvah. It is ok to go to the service without going to the party, but do not RSVP to the party. Oh, and if there is a conflict, just let the host know. They will probably tell you it is ok. But to assume it is ok is horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It'd be like going to the wedding reception and not attending the wedding. So yes, it's tacky to just go to the party.

Definitely NOT a universal sentiment. My kids in total have probably been to 50 of these. Many invites didn't even include the time and location of the service. We were often told that the kids weren't expected to attend. Having said that, if they ARE invited, they should go to a few just to appreciate it, especially for the non-Jews.

Wow, this is incredibly rude and disrespectful.

If your kid is invited and has a conflict, you or they should reach out to the host and explain the conflict and ask if it is ok to come to whatever of the service or party possible.

But to skip the service and just come to the party is total rude. Sorry, it is.

+1. PP is clearly thinking the party is the big deal, not realizing the child spends the better part of a year preparing for the Bnai Mitzvah. It is ok to go to the service without going to the party, but do not RSVP to the party. Oh, and if there is a conflict, just let the host know. They will probably tell you it is ok. But to assume it is ok is horrible.

The invite is for the service and the party. To RSVP saying you were just coming to the party is rude, inconsiderate, and wrong. If there is a conflict and your kid can't make the service but wants to come to the party then that's a totally different story ( and you need to explain that to the hosts). But you never RSVP saying You are not coming to the service, just coming to the party. If you intend to do that then your child doesn't come to either. This is not just some overdone birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone's kid not get a ton of invites ? A lot of DC's friends and classmates are turning 13 this year. I try not to worry that my child will be left out of this - especially since it sounds as though everyone can expect to be invited to many bar and bat mitzvahs - but it's hard.

DD didn't get many. Just a few really close friends. It was hard when all her friends went to some. We tried to make a big deal about the 2 that she was invited to. She wrote something special on the cards and I spent a little more on the gifts since these were close friends and it was very meaningful for her.

On the other side, DS got a ton -- sometimes 2 on the same weekend. Felt bad, but had to drop the $$ spent on the gift because he had so many.