DW is too invested in DD making the cheerleading squad

[Anonymous]

I don't like cheerleading because it's dangerous and a bit too "come-hither" for me, BUT I admit to being equally invested in my children attaining a certain standard of achievement and being recognized as such. I go crazy for academic subjects and music, and couldn't care less about sports. Different topic, same madness

So I can relate to both of you. My advice is:
1. To keep listening to your daughter and not push too hard in a direction she may not want or be fit for.
2. To check yourself and maintain a calm demeanour especially around other parents and coaches - you don't want to be *that* parent, because you'll lose credibility and they'll make fun of the whole family.
3. To accept failure when it comes. Because at some point, it WILL come.

[Anonymous]

Show your wife an episode of toddlers in tiaras and say this is what you turning into. Not that doesn't scare her straight morning will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't like cheerleading because it's dangerous and a bit too "come-hither" for me, BUT I admit to being equally invested in my children attaining a certain standard of achievement and being recognized as such. I go crazy for academic subjects and music, and couldn't care less about sports. Different topic, same madness

So I can relate to both of you. My advice is:
1. To keep listening to your daughter and not push too hard in a direction she may not want or be fit for.
2. To check yourself and maintain a calm demeanour especially around other parents and coaches - you don't want to be *that* parent, because you'll lose credibility and they'll make fun of the whole family.
3. To accept failure when it comes. Because at some point, it WILL come.

Me too PP...

[Anonymous]

I'm confused by many of the replies. If OP's post is accurate, he's talking about a middle school cheerleading squad (like the type that cheers next to football games). It may be that he's confused or that the end goal is competitive cheer, but middle school cheerleading in the school games context is not particularly athletic/certainly not anything like competitive cheer at any middle school I've heard of.

That said, if there's an actual coach involved, then I doubt making the team is a popularity contest and I don't think it's fair to equate cheerleaders with mean girls just because popular media presents things that way. FWIW, at my admittedly dorky/magnet public high school, drama kids were by far the most popular crowd/where the mean girls congregated.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a fan of cheerleading. Sure those women (and men) who tumble and do stunts are strong and tough, but if it's all about the athleticism, why the caked on makeup, short skirts and bare midriffs? I agree that I would rather have my children playing the sports versus cheering someone else on.

But you have to let your daughter decide. I wish your wife weren't so pushy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to clarify what "team" does she want to make? Are you talking high school cheer leading? Or and All Star Cheer leading team at a club that competes during their season? Two different things. If your wife is grooming your DD for High School, in 6th grade then it is obvious that she doesn't have a clue about cheer leading apart from High school. as for All Star clubs, all kids make some team, and by now your DD should have been on a team as try outs are in May and competition will be starting soon. You say travel sport's team, which sport is she now participating if it is not All Star Cheer leading? You both sound messed up.

I believe I have been very clear about this: It's the middle school's cheerleading squad. I have fewer concerns about a competitive cheer team since that doesn't exist to cheer on boys and involves more gymnastics so is actually an athletic endeavor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to clarify what "team" does she want to make? Are you talking high school cheer leading? Or and All Star Cheer leading team at a club that competes during their season? Two different things. If your wife is grooming your DD for High School, in 6th grade then it is obvious that she doesn't have a clue about cheer leading apart from High school. as for All Star clubs, all kids make some team, and by now your DD should have been on a team as try outs are in May and competition will be starting soon. You say travel sport's team, which sport is she now participating if it is not All Star Cheer leading? You both sound messed up.

I believe I have been very clear about this: It's the middle school's cheerleading squad. I have fewer concerns about a competitive cheer team since that doesn't exist to cheer on boys and involves more gymnastics so is actually an athletic endeavor.

NP. Regardless of your concerns and personal preferences, I think you need to let you daughter decide for herself what activities she wants to be involved in unless there is a logistical reason it won't work for your family or it is so against your values that it's just completely unacceptable and not an option. Then you need to talk to your wife and get her to back off with the pressure and the pushiness. Choice of extracurricular activities is really a very small, healthy, & appropriate way of letting kids exercise some low-risk autonomous choice over their own lives.

[Anonymous]

I had no idea that the cheer on the boys cheerleading squads still existed. But I absolutely would not let my daughter be on a squad with all the athletic opportunities for girls and I was a high school cheerleader. It's antiquated and demeaning. Not a big fan of cheer as a travel sport either, but that is slightly better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to clarify what "team" does she want to make? Are you talking high school cheer leading? Or and All Star Cheer leading team at a club that competes during their season? Two different things. If your wife is grooming your DD for High School, in 6th grade then it is obvious that she doesn't have a clue about cheer leading apart from High school. as for All Star clubs, all kids make some team, and by now your DD should have been on a team as try outs are in May and competition will be starting soon. You say travel sport's team, which sport is she now participating if it is not All Star Cheer leading? You both sound messed up.

I believe I have been very clear about this: It's the middle school's cheerleading squad. I have fewer concerns about a competitive cheer team since that doesn't exist to cheer on boys and involves more gymnastics so is actually an athletic endeavor.

I am sorry, I must have missed that part. I didn't even know middle schools had cheerleading squads. Ours didn't. I wouldn't think Middle School cheerleading would be that serious? I could understand if your wife was really into All Star Cheer team, and wanted your DD to make a high level team. I can't comprehend that much drama about Middle School. In this case you DW is a not quite there. I mean in MD we have the Twisters F5 who just won the worlds, if she was trying to get your DD into that, then that would be serious. This is some kind of overreaction from your wife. Please show her my post. Signed, mom of a serious high level All Star and High School cheerleader.

[Anonymous]

I think your wife's obsession is over social status. I am a female and share your belief that playing sports is better than cheering for sports, but you need to let your daughter make her own decisions. Hopefully she can balance both, but if not your biggest concern would be convincing your wife to back off enough to let your daughter decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a fan of cheerleading. Sure those women (and men) who tumble and do stunts are strong and tough, but if it's all about the athleticism, why the caked on makeup, short skirts and bare midriffs? I agree that I would rather have my children playing the sports versus cheering someone else on.

But you have to let your daughter decide. I wish your wife weren't so pushy about it.

This! Any "sport" where what you look like plays a part in your assessment is not a sport. It is nonsense. They are pretending to cheer and yet cheering for no one. It is literally one of the most ridiculous, laughable trends to sweep the nation. And yes, gymnastics is not a sport. It is subjective assessment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a fan of cheerleading. Sure those women (and men) who tumble and do stunts are strong and tough, but if it's all about the athleticism, why the caked on makeup, short skirts and bare midriffs? I agree that I would rather have my children playing the sports versus cheering someone else on.

But you have to let your daughter decide. I wish your wife weren't so pushy about it.

This! Any "sport" where what you look like plays a part in your assessment is not a sport. It is nonsense. They are pretending to cheer and yet cheering for no one. It is literally one of the most ridiculous, laughable trends to sweep the nation. And yes, gymnastics is not a sport. It is subjective assessment.

So figure skating is not a sport? You are telling me that I can show up in pajamas(not pajamas costume) and win Olympic gold in figure skating? So, gymnastics is a circus act? You are totally not all up there.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad everyone here has an opinion on competitive cheer, but that doesn't really have much to do with OP's question about his wife.

What would happen if you told you're wife she too invested, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a fan of cheerleading. Sure those women (and men) who tumble and do stunts are strong and tough, but if it's all about the athleticism, why the caked on makeup, short skirts and bare midriffs? I agree that I would rather have my children playing the sports versus cheering someone else on.

But you have to let your daughter decide. I wish your wife weren't so pushy about it.

This! Any "sport" where what you look like plays a part in your assessment is not a sport. It is nonsense. They are pretending to cheer and yet cheering for no one. It is literally one of the most ridiculous, laughable trends to sweep the nation. And yes, gymnastics is not a sport. It is subjective assessment.

So figure skating is not a sport? You are telling me that I can show up in pajamas(not pajamas costume) and win Olympic gold in figure skating? So, gymnastics is a circus act? You are totally not all up there.

I don't consider figure skating a sport. It's athletics, but it's not a sport. Same for gymnastics. I consider "sports" to be head-to-head competition, usually involving a ball (but not always -- see fencing or racing, e.g.). Contests where you have to perform athletic feats better than someone else are athletics, but not a sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad everyone here has an opinion on competitive cheer, but that doesn't really have much to do with OP's question about his wife.

What would happen if you told you're wife she too invested, OP?

OP here. She would probably bite my head off and storm out of the room.

To answer a few other things here: I stated my view on this once and exactly once, in an age-appropriate way. I've since encouraged my dd to try out, do her best, and decide what she wants to do after. It's 100% absolutely her decision. As for the travel sport, I was ready for her to be done with that already, so if she quits that I won't be crying (it takes a lot out of weekends, etc).

My queasiness with the whole thing has more to do with a fundamental objection to the concept of (only female in this case) cheering for boys and the association middle school cheerleaders conjure, which is admittedly based on stereotypes but reinforced by reports by my older child in the school and my own recollection about how middle school cheerleaders behaved.

If she eventually migrates to competitive cheer, so be it. I don't have as much of an issue with that. I probably wouldn't enjoy watching it as much as I watch her play the sport, but that's just a personal preference. I'd go, smile broadly, and give her a big hug after it was over. Heck, I'll do that, too, for MS cheer, although the thought of being forced to watch middle school boys play basketball doesn't exactly thrill me.