There are days when I just don't want to be a mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you have for a week and then you get a week off? So you do get a good break every other week. With some time off, you can rest and get ready for the next week. Make simple meals, Prepare them ahead of time if they take time to prepare. Do the laundry, etc. Then you can have time to pay attention to him.

Having been there, it's not the break/lack thereof that's problematic - it's the constant routine changes the child is going through thats hard on the child, and in turn hard on mom.

OP, if you can I highly recommend spending 10 minutes a night (or morning, or whenever you have 10 or 15 minutes) doing an open ended activity with your kid and letting him choose it (but open ended - blocks, drawing, nothing with "rules" or preset expectations), and let him lead the activity. Don't ask questions, don't give commands. Comment by narrating what he's doing - it's cheesy but it works - "what a cool blue tower! I love the purple grass!" Etc.

I did this as part of a behavior modification plan with my child and it made a huge difference. It let me see DC in a positive way, doing something creative and fun, and in a leading role. It helped us make MAJOR progress in repairing our relationship when I was so fried by everything that was going on, and while it doesn't sounds like your relationship with your son is in bad shape, it could give you se solid time to connect during your weeks and give him something to look forward to. My child loved doing this, and it was some special time that we spent together, DC had no idea it was part of a behavior modification plan.

It will be ok. It is SO HARD and I've been there. My child is a few years older than yours and things are so much better now, but at 5 we were hardcore struggling. It was awful (I'm 21:29 from yesterday).

[Anonymous]

Pp, love that idea. Thanks. I appreciate everyone's input.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, send him to live with his daddy. It was great for my son and for me.

[Anonymous]

Hi! Being a single parent is super hard, and you definitely sound stressed. I imagine it is probably stressful for your son to switch from one home to the next each week also. Have you thought seeking counseling? Might be good for both of you to get your thoughts out there and find coping techniques to help with the stress. Praying things get better for you both quickly.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been separated from his father? Have you gotten him any counseling? Seems likely that his extreme (as described by you) clinginess is related to the divorce.

[Anonymous]

I'm feeling your pain. My DS was /is super demanding but its in check now because he is in high school. When he was young I would get him out of the house to distract him. We would be at a playground all day on Saturday and Sunday and every afternoon. After school he was in after school care and loved it. Is he super whiny at school? If not you just will have to SUCK it up and let him have your undivided attention.

Does he eat and sleep well?

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP, I feel for you. And your poor wee son. He's away from you for a whole week at a time!! No wonder he is so needy and clingy. He desperately misses his mom. And just as he's settling into his time with you, he is ripped away again and has to miss you for a whole week. No wonder he is separate and intense! He still just a small, small boy who needs his mom.

My suggestion would be first to bookend his time with you with big, big doses of attention and affection. On whatever night you switch, give him two full hours of undivided you, with as much hugging and snuggling as possible. Forget cooking; order pizza or whatever. Suspend laundry and chores. Just give him his mom.

On a related note, Google "I love you rituals". I totally thought these were hokey until I started using them with my 4 year old for transitions and mornings. He lights up with joy every time, and his general demeanor is so much more chilled out and content. It's like I'm just filing his love bucket without him asking rather than him chasing me and whining to get his needs met.

[Anonymous]

OP, i feel for you. But you need to adult. Your child has no control of what's happening (divorce, absentee dad, you not keeping cool). Take a parenting class or read up on child development. And to be brutally honest, you sound super whiny yourself - maybe that's where the child gets it from?

[Anonymous]

I don't think your current schedule works well for your son. He has two different set of expectations every week. He also probably misses you or his dad during that time. You would be amazed at the conclusions kids come to on their own.

I'm currently trying to figure out a more ideal schedule for DD myself with the ex. I totally understand losing your shit. I have wondered if I'm mentally abusive all night, only to apologize the next morning and she doesn't remember what I said or did.

[Anonymous]

Ex aside, sounds like typical 5 yo stuff. I have similar thoughts about mine from time to time, but when I see friends kids or ask about them, lots of similar challenges. We are getting closer to 6 now, and some of those behaviors are easing up while a new type of attitude is forming. Everything is just a phase. Be kind to yourself.

Put your foot down and be consistent, and this too shall pass.