There are days when I just don't want to be a mom
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Anonymous
| And today is one of them. I am divorced. I share custody. That really means that I do the parenting and he does the video games. Fine. But recently, I am starting to just not like my son's character. I am a bitch. I know it. But I cannot stand it. He is so whiny, no amount of tricks or discipline works. He is so needy. He needs me at all times for about everything. If I go to the bathroom he pounds on the door because he wants in. He refuses to sleep without me. He refuses to let me prepare dinner without being stuck to me unless I turn on the TV to distract him. The slightest scratch calls for his whining and demanding a bandaid. It is drama from morning to night. And he acts impossibily when with other kids. He literally flips on the crazy switch. I just don't want to do this anymore. I love him to pieces. But God, I just don't like this developing personality. He is a whiny wimp. I dunno how to fix it or if I ever have the patience to nother hi. Through this. Counting on dad is useless.i dunno what to do. I lost my shit today and told him to leave me alone. I don't want to damage the kid. But with a stressful job and no support, I just cannot mentally do this for longer. Help me. |
Anonymous
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Hang in there, OP.
Do you have any family or a family friend who could watch him and give you a break? Then you can work on him being more independent. How old is DS? |
Anonymous
| How old is he? I assume you work full time as well? Perhaps some play dates or a young babysitter/mothers helper who could take him to the park or just play with him so you can catch a break? |
Anonymous
He is 5. I seriously dunno what to do anymore. I am just sitting crying. I let him go to bed sad. 
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Anonymous
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My 5 tests my patience like this too. Got *jealous* and crying that she can't float yet, but that dad and mom and grandma and older cousins and aunts and uncles can. ?????? Random. Would not get over it with every way I directed the conversation. That's just a few minutes of my day.
I'm sorry because you have the added pressure of the divorce, and probably inconsistent parenting from ex-and out of your control. Hang in there. Kids are the worst!!! Sometimes. Sometimes they're the best. But a lot of times they're the worst. |
Anonymous
| I will be the dissent. You need to be the grown up OP. Put your ex out of your mind. He's playing video games and useless? Fine! More time for you to raise your child without interference. Your son obviously wants attention. I don't know if he's in k yet or doing preschool but work with his teachers. TALK to him and make him feel secure. He lost his father essentially. It's a raw deal but you as the parent need to step up and fill the void. Therapy is a good idea. Sports is too. But being a victim and complaining about your lot in life is a one way street to screwing up not only your sons like but your own as well. |
Anonymous
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OP, please ignore the PP. You could have been describing my 5yo so I get it. It's exhausting, then you beat yourself up for not liking your own kid.
I hope you can get a tiny break to recharge your batteries. |
Anonymous
I get it. I was there a few years ago. It is SO hard sometimes. I had so many nights where I would call my mom and say I didn't/couldn't be do it anymore. The good news is that it gets better. What is your parenting schedule? I may be able to offer some suggestions to help. (Or at least tell you what I did, because things are much better now). |
Anonymous
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20:58 you made me laugh.
We do week on week off. Thanks all for the support. It really made me feel less shitty. |
Anonymous
Glad I made you laugh. You've got this. Ooh ohh. Favorite quote I read a few weeks ago. Blew my mind. I posted here to someone who really needed it, and will share again. Haven't read the book, don't know what it's about but here: From "Present Over Perfect." "I'm reveling in the smallness of my capacity. This is it. This is who I am. This is all I have to give you. It's not a fire hose, unending gallons of water, knocking you over with force. It's a stream: tiny, clear, cool. That's what I have to give, and that small stream is mine to nurture, to tend, to offer first to the people I love most, my first honor and responsibility...This is what I'm finding, every day, every hour: there is a way of living that is so sweet, so full, so whole and beautiful you'll never want to go back once you've tasted it." |
Anonymous
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^And who your DS is...that's all he has to give. He might be as tired and broken as you are (plus annoying..ha ha)
Remember he's just him. He loves you. Tomorrow will be better. Maybe 
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Anonymous
| Maybe. And if tomorrow (today) isn't better and he isn't better, I will get to be better. It is all I can do. |
Anonymous
| So you have for a week and then you get a week off? So you do get a good break every other week. With some time off, you can rest and get ready for the next week. Make simple meals, Prepare them ahead of time if they take time to prepare. Do the laundry, etc. Then you can have time to pay attention to him. |
Anonymous
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Kids are frustrating! That's just a fact. It does sound like your ds needs attention and as a single mom I'm sure you don't have as much left as you want to give. While he's with dad, take care of yourself big time. Get enough sleep, take long hot baths, go out with girl friends, exercise. The more you can take care of yourself, the better you will feel about taking care of him.
If he's also starting K this year then he's going through a lot of changes. Try to be sympathetic instead of annoyed. Make sure he gets enough sleep and healthy foods. He needs you to parent him. You can be checked out and all that when he's with dad. You can do this, op! |
Anonymous
OP, a bad day does not a terrible parent make. When things are calmer, give him a hug and if you feel it's appropriate, apologize for handling big feelings badly. We all do it sometimes, and it's OK to teach a five year old, especially one in a joint custody situation, that feelings are OK. My son was also really needy at that age, wanted to sleep with me, too. He's in high school now. His dad and I have shared custody since he was two and a half, so I've totally been in your shoes. This shit is HARD, and often infuriating. It's OK to tell your son you need a time out. Then take one. |