Supporting my DD thru new school + friendships

[Anonymous]

aw sorry OP! I know it's hard to watch. New schools are really hard in the beginning. At the end of the year things are so different. It just takes time to find friends, it really does. Maybe the people she will become friends with are kids she doesn't even know well yet. Encourage her to get to know the other girls, and not the ones she already knows. good luck!

[Anonymous]

as hard as it is OP, I think you have to keep mum on this one with your friend, the mom of the CF. It's not going to work if she tells her daughter to "be nice" to your daughter. sorry about this, it is hard to watch I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know there will be ups and downs. My DD just called me very upset because now her former friends are no longer being sort of nice and are openly ignoring her. She went in with high hopes today, and its so hard to tell her to keep smiling through all this. I'm just crushed for her.

I'm so sorry. This happened to my DD last year, but it was on social media and it made me physically sick. It's good your dd is communicating with you. Encourage her to make an effort with a nicer group of girls who would welcome her. I'm sure there are others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Close friend's mom reachied out to ask how DD's first week went. Just said something neutral. It was hard not to jump in and let her know what;s been happening, but I figured that would just make everything worse.

My main worry about you saying something to Close Friend's mom is that CF's mom might say something to CF (even something mild like "I heard you didn't spend much time with Larla this week, is there anything going on?", and then CF, trying to ingratiate herself with Frenemy, might say something that your DD would find embarrassing.

Now might be the time to be super flexible about picking up school friends to take your DD and her friends to the mall, movies, etc.

Your DD's doing great. You're doing great.

I was your DD to an extent when I started high school. A former close/best friend left me for a different crowd. My mom happened to be close friend's with her mom, and is to this day. Had my mom intervened in some way that might have made things awkward for them. I made new friends, and my mom has kept a good friend. Perhaps enourage DD to join a club or sport to get to know some different people.

[Anonymous]

yes it is hard, been there. I am relieved to say that this year as an 8th grader, my child has landed into an amazing group of friends. New friends. Completely new. Took him all of 6th grade and some of 7th grade to find his people, but now that he has, he is sooooooooooooooooooo happy. Give it time but definitely encourage outside friendships, new interests, clubs etc.

[Anonymous]

We are right there with you OP. It hurts. The advice to get her involved in sports is good--it has helped with my DD. Also, she deleted Instagram from her phone. It was really making her feel worse. I have it on mine if she wants to look. In two weeks she hasn't asked once.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it is a hard but good lesson for her to learn. Do what you can to help her cultivate the new friendships. See if she wants to invite a group to a movie or offer to drive a bunch of them to a concert or to dinner or something.

[Anonymous]

This OP- thank you for the great advice and support. I like the idea of suggesting she delete Instagram. It causes more heartache anyway.

Today was crappy, but she sought out the school counselor (which will give her perspective), and I made her finish school plus her sports practice. Tonight she has a good freind visiting and they're smiling and have a great time. It's going to be tough for a while but hopefully getting better.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, op. Keep encouraing different peer groups. You may want to read Odd Girl Out to give you more perspective. As a woman, none of it surprised me as it was so similar to my high school years but it helped my husband better understand the dynamic. He was shocked that girls really treat each other like that.

[Anonymous]

The only other thing I can say is that the groups are likely to keep changing, especially as alcohol and boys enter the picture. Some girls will veer off in another direction and sometimes the group gets bigger. All usually for the better.

[Anonymous]

So great she sought out counselor. Kudos to her for being proactive. My DD had a tough first semester in high school. Sophomore now so much better . Hang in there

[Anonymous]

Pp here counselor helped alot

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP on this thread and am back with an update. Things are not going much better. She has started to experience anxiety about school. Her former friends + frenemy all hang out together with new friends while she tries to make her way. We are seeing the counselor, working with the school but they say there's not much they can do. I have not gotten involved but my former friend must know because I have not heard from her since the first week of school.

Wish I could just pull her out but DH says no. I just keep praying it will even out and get better. All she needs is one friend and I think it would start moving in a better direction.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. That is hard. My DD above wanted to be homeschooled first half of year. We changed her lunch and she joined a club. If your DD can find one new friend, two even better and join clubs and possibly different lunch might help? As hard as it is she needs to get busy and not ruminate on old friend. Will make it harder. Been there, heart goes out to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. That is hard. My DD above wanted to be homeschooled first half of year. We changed her lunch and she joined a club. If your DD can find one new friend, two even better and join clubs and possibly different lunch might help? As hard as it is she needs to get busy and not ruminate on old friend. Will make it harder. Been there, heart goes out to her.

Thanks for the advice and kind words. She is working on all fronts. It takes its toll on the whole family, even though I am doing my best to stay out of things and not focus on it. I wish more parents taught their children empathy. Or, maybe its just the age - hard to care about someone else's hard time when you're 14.