There is a kid at my daughter's school who...
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Anonymous
I don't have compassion for other kids at my kid's expense. When a girl poked my DD in the butt I was not going to say "We must have compassion for Butt-Poker; let's be nice to her and invite her for a sleepover." No. I said, "That's completely inappropriate of her and I'm glad you told the teacher and your friends were witnesses. Let's give BP some space and take a break from her. Maybe she's going through a phase." And then I did NOT encourage DD to reach out to her at ALL. |
Anonymous
This reminds me of a little girl from preschool, she was tiny and the youngest of 4 kids. She was a bully, she got shat on at home by siblings and came to preschool to practice those skills. The teacher's tact was to "keep her so busy, that she wouldn't have time to bully anyone." Ignoring unacceptable behavior doesn't help the child, but then you don't believe it takes a village. |
Anonymous
Many times I actually agree with this sentiment, but not in this case. Social interaction is one area that we need to teach our children. There are many, many people who are poor at social interaction because their parents never taught them good manners, and social interaction skills. The parents should not interfere, but can definitely instruct their child how to handle such situations. I would not do anything myself, but I would definitely tell my child how I would handle the situation so as to be considerate of the other girl's feelings while still being strong about maintaining my own comfort level. What she chose to do about it then would be up to her. She could follow my example or experiment herself and learn from her own experience. There are some areas where there are social constructs that children have no way of really knowing or understanding without someone to guide them. There is no book or internet web page on how to handle awkward friendships. I'm sorry that you let your child become that socially awkward person because she has to guess and fend for herself without any guidance in situations she's never encountered before. |
Anonymous
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The examples you gave don't seem that out of the ordinary for girls that age, actually. They often do stuff like the "Just ask her!!" or the "I texted you five times -- why didn't you answer?" They are still learning social skills and don't have much perspective.
That said, if your daughter is saying she's sad about being around her, that seems like something bigger is going on. I agree with the PP that said the daughter should (nicely) be honest with her. Say something like "It makes me uncomfortable when you pressure me to do things my mom doesn't allow. I'd rather not have playdates with you for a while." I think the whole avoidance and lying thing is just likely to make things worse, and it feeds the big problem in this age group -- the girls are all a little paranoid that they are being frozen out or dissed (I know that's not the current word, but I can't think of a better one) by the other girls, which exacerbates the problem of them being clingly, or snubbing other girls. My daughter has definitely had friends that sort of just stopped responding to her without giving her a reason why, and it is incredibly frustrating as a parent to try to figure out what the root cause is, so we can try to address it. It's particularly frustrating when the other girl keep saying that she wants to be friends, but then always has some excuse for why she's not available. We had that happen and it was really unclear whether the girl's mother just had her way over-scheduled, or whether the girl didn't like my daughter anymore, or whether there was something else going on. I finally insisted my daughter move on, but it was confusing for her because, from her perspective, the other girl kept saying that she wanted to be friends and wanted to hang out. |
Anonymous
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I'm the mom of a kid that could probably annoy others. She so desperately wants friends but doesn't always pick up social cues. Your DD would be doing her a favor if she explained in a kind way what the issue was (you come on too strong or whatever). The freezing out doesn't work because kids like mine don't get it.
Who knows? If your daughter is kind and compassionate, she might be able to help the child core to the annoying behaviors and find a good, loyal friend. It really does have to be done in a kid way, though. |
Anonymous
| I feel sad for Susie. It is clear that she has social interaction difficulties, other behavior problems as well. She is lonely, and that is why she is apologizing but she doesn't know how to be appropriate in social interactions. She fits the bully and the lonely kid profile at the same time. They are usually connected ,imo. That doesn't mean that your kid should be her crutch and a therapist. It is too much for a 6th grader to be a social life line for another child with problems. However, maybe trying to figure out once in a while get together and see if the girl really isn't pushy and bossy anymore might be an option. I don't think you should feel bad about posting about this, as others say to stay out of kid's business, that is my stance almost 100% of the time, but in this case it doesn't seem to be so clear cut and it is tough to balance protecting your own child and doing a kind thing for another child. |