There is a kid at my daughter's school who...
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Anonymous
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The background of the story is that my daughter, "Jamie" had a few play dates with "Susie." They are in 6th grade.
After play date #2 and me over hearing conversations between the two, I started to realize that "Susie" is a bit unstable. She is very pushy and demanding. For example, "Why didn't you call me back? I called you 8 times!" She once asked me for a ride home after school and I hadn't met her parents yet, so I was not comfortable doing so. She pouted away as if I was wrong or unreasonable. Susie asked Jamie several times to walk home with her after school, despite Jamie telling her that she was not allowed. I would hear her say over the phone in the background... "Just ask her!!!" over and over again. Susie had several outbursts aimed at Jaime last year and then would apologize minutes later and say "its my ADHD making me do it." At the beginning of summer, Jamie came to me and told me she thought Susie was weird. She said she was uncomfortable with the friendship and felt sad more than happy when they were together. She said she had never had so many fights with one person before. I advised her to distance herself kindly and to simply say that she would be very busy this summer and would have limited text/talk ability. Despite this conversation, Susie texted and called several times throughout the summer asking "are you mad at me?" Fast forward to now: Susie now comes up to Jamie daily saying that she's sorry for whatever she did and can they please just be friends again. Jamie is very uncomfortable with Susie and wants Susie to leave her alone, but she doesn't want to hurt or feelings or be mean to her. Jaime told Susie she wasn't mad at her for any reason, but she thinks it will be better if they just aren't close friends anymore. Susie's words are now "I'm sorry for whatever I did. I won't do it again." This was her behavior last year as well, and then she would scream at "Jamie" for something like not waiting for her after school. They are in the same social circle and now another girl is pressuring Jamie to resume this friendship with Susie. What would you tell Jaime to do? |
Anonymous
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To take things slow, be friendly and no exclude Susie (same social circle!) but that it is okay to be reserved.
It sounds like Susie is very insecure rather than "weird". Perhaps she has been burned by a friend in the past, is unsure about boundaries or simply is sensitive. Maturity happens during these years and everyone matures at a different pace. This is a good lesson for all involved, on many levels. |
Anonymous
| Since Susie doesn't take "I don't think we should be close friends anymore" very well, Jamie needs to block Susie's number and ask Susie to please leave her alone. Jamie can tell Larla (the other friend) that she doesn't want to resume the friendship. She doesn't need to give Larla a reason. |
Anonymous
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For mom to stay out of it and let kid handle it.
Jesus. |
Anonymous
| Tell Jamie to blame it on you. "I can't play after school - my mom is making me do something" and variations on that. |
Anonymous
If that were the case, this entire forum (and website, for that matter) wouldn't exist. Sheesh. Why are YOU on this thread, anyway? I'm sure you've never asked for help for anything when it comes to guiding your kids, RIGHT??? Go somewhere else. In the meantime OP, I second the previous helpful comments: tell Jaime to be nice and not mean, so as not to exclude Susie. And to stay out of Susie's relationships with other kids. If Susie persists, Jaime may have to be firm and tell Susie to please stop calling and texting. |
Anonymous
+1 My daughter is going through something similar right now, so I empathize, OP. She's about to start middle school, and I SO HOPE she meets some new friends to dilute the one who is so possessive/needy/insecure/bossy. GL to you! |
Anonymous
I think this is reasonable, balanced advice. But OP you would know the situation best. Maybe complement PP's suggestions quoted above with what another person said which is to tell your DD to use you as an out if she ever feels uncomfortable. |
Anonymous
I agree. Continue being the helpful parent for as long as you can! I still ask my parents for advice. I feel sorry for kids who are left to fend for themselves when they specifically ask for legitimate help. This is a tough situation. I would monitor this friendship closely and tell your child it is ok to respond to the other girl in a nice way, but to always say she is busy when asked to get together outside of school. If your daughter is willing, she can try and let the other girl know that her behavior makes her uncomfortable and it might make others feel the same way. Honestly, I would try to somehow let the guidance counselor know about this so she can reach out the girl and maybe help her because it sounds like she needs a confidence boost. I wouldn't turn away from her - she needs help but let an expert adult handle it. |
Anonymous
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Since they are in the same social circle, she may have to be a little blunt with her.
"Susie, I know you want to be close friends but you used to yell at me all the time. I know you are sorry but I can't just jump back into being close. Lets just spend time together in groups for now. Maybe in time we can be close again but not right now" Also see if she is working with anyone at the school on social skills. They might be able to help your daughter navigate this relationship. |
Anonymous
I don't know how right this is, but it's absolutely what I would do also. |
Anonymous
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Wow, this is a situation that my daughter was in as well. The way you described the other girl, I was positive it sounded like our old adhd 2nd grader friend who is beyond emotionally unstable.
We were always busy and had to distance ourself. It will fizzle soon I hope. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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I feel sorry for this CHILD, can't we muster a little compassion? I would tell my kid to be gentle but frank about why she doesn't want to be friends, for example, I don't like the way you speak to me when you don't get what you want. Kids need guidance, likely people have just been avoiding her.
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Anonymous
| OP, is this a private school with small classes? or public with big classes? |
Anonymous
| You can feel sorry for her without thinking that it is her friends' job to put up with her while she matures. |