If you live in an apartment/condo with tweens or teens

[Anonymous]

Did you previously live in a single family home and did her friends visit her there? If so, I think that might make a difference. I am single and my DD age 12 and live in a 2br condo but even before we lived in a small townhouse so the change wasn't very drastic and she has not minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you previously live in a single family home and did her friends visit her there? If so, I think that might make a difference. I am single and my DD age 12 and live in a 2br condo but even before we lived in a small townhouse so the change wasn't very drastic and she has not minded.

No we rented a condo previously. DD was only 5 when I bought my condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I have a one-bedroom. DD's mom also has a one-bedroom. She is so happy my place is clean and neat that she loves having friends over here (her mom is a hoarder and a smoker).

Where does your DD sleep if both parents have one bedroom homes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS and I have lived in a 2 bedroom apt since he was born. He is 12 now and doesn't seem bothered by it. He has chores and he says that he is grateful we don't live in a bigger house b/c he'd have more to clean. Lol! Has your daughter specifically said she is embarrassed you live in a condo? Does she go to private school?

She hasn't actually come out said that, but it comes off like she's embarrassed. She's in public school.

Maybe it's time for a talk with her then. If you don't know why she acts like this, it is time to find out. Maybe she is embarrassed that you are a single mother. If she brings friends to her dad's house, it isn't as obvious since the stepmom is there too. Who knows? It's time for a talk.

I never thought this could be an issue.

OP again, I spoke with her. She said all her friends live in big houses like her dad and stepmom and she doesn't want her friends to think she's poor because she lives in a condo. I didn't think kids associated condo living as being poor...

[Anonymous]

Well when you compare their big houses with a smaller condo (fewer bedrooms, no yard, etc), I could see why kids think that. And unless you live in a penthouse, a condo is usually cheaper than a SFH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well when you compare their big houses with a smaller condo (fewer bedrooms, no yard, etc), I could see why kids think that. And unless you live in a penthouse, a condo is usually cheaper than a SFH.

I know kids will be kids, but it hurt a little to hear my daughter say that. I'm doing the best I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well when you compare their big houses with a smaller condo (fewer bedrooms, no yard, etc), I could see why kids think that. And unless you live in a penthouse, a condo is usually cheaper than a SFH.

I know kids will be kids, but it hurt a little to hear my daughter say that. I'm doing the best I can.

Did you tell her that? I am also a single parent who posted before that we live in a 2 bedroom apartment. My DS is 12 and understands how expensive everything is and when you only have one income...

[Anonymous]

As a kid, it did sting a little that my family lived in a small duplex where furnishings were a little on the shabby side, while all of my friends lived in 4 bedroom single family homes. I didn't mind having friends over one at a time, but as we got into the middle school years, group hangouts became the norm and bigger houses were better. I hope it gives you at least a little reassurance that I don't harbor any resentment toward my parents, who were always well-regarded among my friends and their parents, and I'm a successful adult without a chip on my shoulder about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they embarrassed to have friends (especially ones that live in houses) come visit? I'm currently going through this with my 12 year old DD. I'm a single parent and we're living in a two bedroom condo (at the time of my divorce, it was all I could afford). Unless it's a kid that lives in a complex, she won't invite any of her friends to hang out or spend the night. Instead she'll invite them to her dad and stepmom's house since they now how a single family. Every time I suggest she invites friends to our house, she'll say no thanks, they'll come over to dad's house. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it makes me feel like I've failed to provide my daughter with a home she can be proud of.

Well, that is obviously true.

But you must have done something else she can be proud of, haven't you? Why don't you pay more attention to that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well when you compare their big houses with a smaller condo (fewer bedrooms, no yard, etc), I could see why kids think that. And unless you live in a penthouse, a condo is usually cheaper than a SFH.

I know kids will be kids, but it hurt a little to hear my daughter say that. I'm doing the best I can.

Did you tell her that? I am also a single parent who posted before that we live in a 2 bedroom apartment. My DS is 12 and understands how expensive everything is and when you only have one income...

I did and she compared me to her grandma and aunt (on her dad's side) that have bigger houses and it's only them. Maybe she'll understand when she's older.

[Anonymous]

OP, I grew up in a two bedroom condo with my divorced mom and older brother. Very tight; pretty poor. I wouldn't worry about it. Kids go through phases.

My DH and I have both done well for ourselves and now we've got 13 and 11 y.o. DDs and live in a ritzy neighborhood (on the west coast). At times my kids have grumbled because we seem to be the only ones without a pool. So there ya have it; same issue, just on a different level.

Also last year my 13 y.o. started at a school with a lot of very wealthy kids. She won't have them come over. However; I do recognize one thing about that that reminds me of me. I think my DD wants to keep her worlds separate--her school friends, and then her local home life/friends. In retrospect I enjoyed that as well, even though I was on the other end of the financial spectrum when I was my DD's age. So it might not be a financial situation or one of more space etc, like your ex-s house. It might be that she has her little separate life with you--untouchable by her friends.

Don't worry, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they embarrassed to have friends (especially ones that live in houses) come visit? I'm currently going through this with my 12 year old DD. I'm a single parent and we're living in a two bedroom condo (at the time of my divorce, it was all I could afford). Unless it's a kid that lives in a complex, she won't invite any of her friends to hang out or spend the night. Instead she'll invite them to her dad and stepmom's house since they now how a single family. Every time I suggest she invites friends to our house, she'll say no thanks, they'll come over to dad's house. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it makes me feel like I've failed to provide my daughter with a home she can be proud of.

Well, that is obviously true.

But you must have done something else she can be proud of, haven't you? Why don't you pay more attention to that?

PP, don't be a jerk. Her daughter is at a tough age and doesn't have a clue how hard it is to afford a home on a single parents salary. Her father and step mother supposedly have two incomes. She'll be plenty proud of her home with her mother when she grows up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS and I have lived in a 2 bedroom apt since he was born. He is 12 now and doesn't seem bothered by it. He has chores and he says that he is grateful we don't live in a bigger house b/c he'd have more to clean. Lol! Has your daughter specifically said she is embarrassed you live in a condo? Does she go to private school?

She hasn't actually come out said that, but it comes off like she's embarrassed. She's in public school.

Maybe it's time for a talk with her then. If you don't know why she acts like this, it is time to find out. Maybe she is embarrassed that you are a single mother. If she brings friends to her dad's house, it isn't as obvious since the stepmom is there too. Who knows? It's time for a talk.

I never thought this could be an issue.

OP again, I spoke with her. She said all her friends live in big houses like her dad and stepmom and she doesn't want her friends to think she's poor because she lives in a condo. I didn't think kids associated condo living as being poor...

OP, big ups to you and your daughter that you could have an honest conversation about this. If it were me (and it has been...I'm an earlier poster with smaller and slightly shabbier digs than dad), I'd take it as an opportunity to talk about perspective. I.e., no dear, we aren't poor. We have a stable home situation, food in the fridge, appropriate clothing, bills are paid, a working car that is paid off, we have a little extra to play with (if you do). It's also not inappropriate IMO to talk about how our area tends to have a warped view of what poor is and what average is, and present a bigger picture.

[Anonymous]

I've explained that to her, but my home is still an embarrassment to her. She prefers to entertain her friends at her dad and step mom's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've explained that to her, but my home is still an embarrassment to her. She prefers to entertain her friends at her dad and step mom's house.

So be the parent who takes the kids places like the movies, etc.