If you live in an apartment/condo with tweens or teens

[Anonymous]

Are they embarrassed to have friends (especially ones that live in houses) come visit? I'm currently going through this with my 12 year old DD. I'm a single parent and we're living in a two bedroom condo (at the time of my divorce, it was all I could afford). Unless it's a kid that lives in a complex, she won't invite any of her friends to hang out or spend the night. Instead she'll invite them to her dad and stepmom's house since they now how a single family. Every time I suggest she invites friends to our house, she'll say no thanks, they'll come over to dad's house. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but it makes me feel like I've failed to provide my daughter with a home she can be proud of.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in apartments and a condo, had friends over all the time, and went on to attend a top Ivy.

[Anonymous]

My DS and I have lived in a 2 bedroom apt since he was born. He is 12 now and doesn't seem bothered by it. He has chores and he says that he is grateful we don't live in a bigger house b/c he'd have more to clean. Lol! Has your daughter specifically said she is embarrassed you live in a condo? Does she go to private school?

[Anonymous]

It may not be that it is an apartment but there is more space to be away from adults.

[Anonymous]

I would try not to take it personally. Growing up, I was always ashamed of our house and would never bring friends home. My brother didn't care about the things that bothered me and brought friends over all of the time. I've always been more sensitive and anxiety prone and I just worried more than my brother.

[Anonymous]

It's not about you, OP. You've done a great job in providing a safe home for her.

I think this is just an awkward time for her and she may fear that any perceived weakness will invite others to make fun of her. I recall being sensitive to that at that age (not about my house but about my grandparents, who dressed differently and spoke another language).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS and I have lived in a 2 bedroom apt since he was born. He is 12 now and doesn't seem bothered by it. He has chores and he says that he is grateful we don't live in a bigger house b/c he'd have more to clean. Lol! Has your daughter specifically said she is embarrassed you live in a condo? Does she go to private school?

She hasn't actually come out said that, but it comes off like she's embarrassed. She's in public school.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I have a one-bedroom. DD's mom also has a one-bedroom. She is so happy my place is clean and neat that she loves having friends over here (her mom is a hoarder and a smoker).

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old has friends over regularly, and we live in a 2 br condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS and I have lived in a 2 bedroom apt since he was born. He is 12 now and doesn't seem bothered by it. He has chores and he says that he is grateful we don't live in a bigger house b/c he'd have more to clean. Lol! Has your daughter specifically said she is embarrassed you live in a condo? Does she go to private school?

She hasn't actually come out said that, but it comes off like she's embarrassed. She's in public school.

Maybe it's time for a talk with her then. If you don't know why she acts like this, it is time to find out. Maybe she is embarrassed that you are a single mother. If she brings friends to her dad's house, it isn't as obvious since the stepmom is there too. Who knows? It's time for a talk.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the stepmom provides lots of snacks and candy. Who knows. I'd just talk to her about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the co-parent with the smaller, slightly crappier living situation in our arrangement, so I get you. (Not that it's crappy. It's clean, safe, appropriate, etc.) And yes, my son prefers to hang with his friends at his dad's house....land o' giant TV and gaming system, more room to spread with more privacy.

FWIW, IMO I don't think this is a thing you want to expend too much effort in overcompensating for. In my case, I know I can't win in this respect. I can't compete with a bangin' gaming system, space, and slightly more lax supervision.

BUT, DS knows his friends are welcome. His friends know they are welcome, and are welcome to come here in an emergency whether or not DS is even around. Keep providing a loving, safe place and keep making it clear friends are welcome. What I'm finding is that DS likes his self-imposed solitude a little over here. I didn't really get this until recently. He's now old enough to wander about and meet up with friends other places, so my jealousy is tempered a little (and it is jealousy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the co-parent with the smaller, slightly crappier living situation in our arrangement, so I get you. (Not that it's crappy. It's clean, safe, appropriate, etc.) And yes, my son prefers to hang with his friends at his dad's house....land o' giant TV and gaming system, more room to spread with more privacy.

FWIW, IMO I don't think this is a thing you want to expend too much effort in overcompensating for. In my case, I know I can't win in this respect. I can't compete with a bangin' gaming system, space, and slightly more lax supervision.

BUT, DS knows his friends are welcome. His friends know they are welcome, and are welcome to come here in an emergency whether or not DS is even around. Keep providing a loving, safe place and keep making it clear friends are welcome. What I'm finding is that DS likes his self-imposed solitude a little over here. I didn't really get this until recently. He's now old enough to wander about and meet up with friends other places, so my jealousy is tempered a little (and it is jealousy).

Thank you, I'll try to look at it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS and I have lived in a 2 bedroom apt since he was born. He is 12 now and doesn't seem bothered by it. He has chores and he says that he is grateful we don't live in a bigger house b/c he'd have more to clean. Lol! Has your daughter specifically said she is embarrassed you live in a condo? Does she go to private school?

She hasn't actually come out said that, but it comes off like she's embarrassed. She's in public school.

Maybe it's time for a talk with her then. If you don't know why she acts like this, it is time to find out. Maybe she is embarrassed that you are a single mother. If she brings friends to her dad's house, it isn't as obvious since the stepmom is there too. Who knows? It's time for a talk.

I never thought this could be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS and I have lived in a 2 bedroom apt since he was born. He is 12 now and doesn't seem bothered by it. He has chores and he says that he is grateful we don't live in a bigger house b/c he'd have more to clean. Lol! Has your daughter specifically said she is embarrassed you live in a condo? Does she go to private school?

She hasn't actually come out said that, but it comes off like she's embarrassed. She's in public school.

Maybe it's time for a talk with her then. If you don't know why she acts like this, it is time to find out. Maybe she is embarrassed that you are a single mother. If she brings friends to her dad's house, it isn't as obvious since the stepmom is there too. Who knows? It's time for a talk.

I never thought this could be an issue.

I wrote about this being a possibility b/c I was a bit embarrassed growing up that I had a single mother. Nobody I knew had divorced parents so we really stood out. Thankfully that is not the case anymore. I am a single parent now and it is only girls from our neighborhood that ask my son where his dad is. None of his friends who are boys even notice. Just something to consider.