Tell me about your older ADHD kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is almost ten- for our family, the issues have changed. Tantrums are rare, but verbal disrespect and and opposition are becoming problematic. Homework is a big deal- there is more of it, and it requires concentration and diligence.
Social issues can be problematic starting about 2nd grade when kids become more judgmental- at least for DS. Now, in fourth, he struggles with friendships.
As DS gets older, I am turning more toward Ross Greene's collaborative parenting style. I have less control now and that will continue to be the trend.

pp here- I want to add that ADHD can be a roller coaster- there are some times when my DS is so mature that my worries seem unfounded- there are other times when I wonder how we're going to get through the school year, and can't bear to think about high school or college.
It helps a lot to be in the present- I know that sounds trite but I am a better parent when I can focus on the issue in front of me rather than letting worries about the future take hold. This is especially true when kids get older and the expectations are more complex-- and it happens very fast. I find that when I am anxious about the future, I have a hard time empathizing with what my child needs in that moment. I admit to outsourcing math to a tutor- we butt heads over math and I have to admit, I get very emotional over an entire page of missed problems and a frustrated child who refuses to correct his work. A tutor has saved us because DS won't throw a fit with a tutor. Don't be afraid to say "this is a job for a teacher, coach, tutor, etc." when your child is reacting negatively to your input.
None of this is intended to be lecturing- the path for us is one step forward and 3/4 of a step back- overall progress though the years with some dramatic regression at different developmental stages. I expect we're in for rough teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old is medicated and is doing pretty well. He can still be too sensitive, anxious about transitions and easily frustrated when things don't go his way, but behavioral issues like hitting/shoving are over. He is obsessed with electronics. He plays on a sports team, has many general friends with occasional playdates. He rushes through writing homework which holds him back and that takes some parental effort and tutoring.

This sounds EXACTLY, like my 11 year old.

[Anonymous]

I don't mind at all that the PP with the chess-playing, ASD/ADHD model child is bragging a bit. Like all of us on this board she's been through some rough times with her child and she deserves to be able to tell us about the good stuff, too.

I really hope for the day that the support in schools and other aspects of life for kids like ours is better so that their individual talents can come out and shine and that more of us could write about all the amazing things they are doing with the same pride as this mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old is medicated and is doing pretty well. He can still be too sensitive, anxious about transitions and easily frustrated when things don't go his way, but behavioral issues like hitting/shoving are over. He is obsessed with electronics. He plays on a sports team, has many general friends with occasional playdates. He rushes through writing homework which holds him back and that takes some parental effort and tutoring.

This sounds EXACTLY, like my 11 year old.

PP here - good luck in school this year. I'm crossing my fingers.

[Anonymous]

My ASD/ADHD child is also 9 (and unlike the other pp, the ASD is a much bigger problem than the ADHD. He is medicated at school; on days when we forget, the teachers report that he is chattier than appropriate and has a harder time finishing his work, but no significant behavior problems/impulsivity. At home, where he is not medicated, he cannot sit still; even when focusing on a preferred activity he is fidgeting or rocking back and forth. Emotional reactivity is a big problem, but I think that's more the ASD than ADHD. Has trouble following a group plan, and while that could be inattention, I think it's more the ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is almost ten- for our family, the issues have changed. Tantrums are rare, but verbal disrespect and and opposition are becoming problematic. Homework is a big deal- there is more of it, and it requires concentration and diligence.
Social issues can be problematic starting about 2nd grade when kids become more judgmental- at least for DS. Now, in fourth, he struggles with friendships.
As DS gets older, I am turning more toward Ross Greene's collaborative parenting style. I have less control now and that will continue to be the trend.

pp here- I want to add that ADHD can be a roller coaster- there are some times when my DS is so mature that my worries seem unfounded- there are other times when I wonder how we're going to get through the school year, and can't bear to think about high school or college.
It helps a lot to be in the present- I know that sounds trite but I am a better parent when I can focus on the issue in front of me rather than letting worries about the future take hold. This is especially true when kids get older and the expectations are more complex-- and it happens very fast. I find that when I am anxious about the future, I have a hard time empathizing with what my child needs in that moment. I admit to outsourcing math to a tutor- we butt heads over math and I have to admit, I get very emotional over an entire page of missed problems and a frustrated child who refuses to correct his work. A tutor has saved us because DS won't throw a fit with a tutor. Don't be afraid to say "this is a job for a teacher, coach, tutor, etc." when your child is reacting negatively to your input.
None of this is intended to be lecturing- the path for us is one step forward and 3/4 of a step back- overall progress though the years with some dramatic regression at different developmental stages. I expect we're in for rough teen years.

This is a very helpful post, thanks. A million times more helpful than chess mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind at all that the PP with the chess-playing, ASD/ADHD model child is bragging a bit. Like all of us on this board she's been through some rough times with her child and she deserves to be able to tell us about the good stuff, too.

I really hope for the day that the support in schools and other aspects of life for kids like ours is better so that their individual talents can come out and shine and that more of us could write about all the amazing things they are doing with the same pride as this mother.

I agree. I don't understand the annoyance, the hate, the disbelief and accusations that she has issues.

FWIW - I wasn't thinking the hobby was something like Legos or robotics. Chess didn't cross my mind! But kudos to her DS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind at all that the PP with the chess-playing, ASD/ADHD model child is bragging a bit. Like all of us on this board she's been through some rough times with her child and she deserves to be able to tell us about the good stuff, too.

I really hope for the day that the support in schools and other aspects of life for kids like ours is better so that their individual talents can come out and shine and that more of us could write about all the amazing things they are doing with the same pride as this mother.

I agree. I don't understand the annoyance, the hate, the disbelief and accusations that she has issues.

FWIW - I wasn't thinking the hobby was something like Legos or robotics. Chess didn't cross my mind! But kudos to her DS!

Np and Ditto. I'd like to think that this board is one of the few places I can go where other moms of SN kids can understand and help celebrate my son's small accomplishments and progress that wouldn't seem like a big deal to parents of NT kids, but are for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind at all that the PP with the chess-playing, ASD/ADHD model child is bragging a bit. Like all of us on this board she's been through some rough times with her child and she deserves to be able to tell us about the good stuff, too.

I really hope for the day that the support in schools and other aspects of life for kids like ours is better so that their individual talents can come out and shine and that more of us could write about all the amazing things they are doing with the same pride as this mother.

I agree. I don't understand the annoyance, the hate, the disbelief and accusations that she has issues.

FWIW - I wasn't thinking the hobby was something like Legos or robotics. Chess didn't cross my mind! But kudos to her DS!

Np and Ditto. I'd like to think that this board is one of the few places I can go where other moms of SN kids can understand and help celebrate my son's small accomplishments and progress that wouldn't seem like a big deal to parents of NT kids, but are for us.

Yes but you're missing the issue. That's not what chess mom does. She tells us constantly how her son is a prodigy and now he is also a model. These aren't small in spite of accomplishments. She is a massive braggart living through her child and ramming her child's accomplishments down the mouth of the parents of disabled children. She clearly has a problem.

[Anonymous]

^^ if she did this in general patenting or in real life - huge issue. She does it here because she can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind at all that the PP with the chess-playing, ASD/ADHD model child is bragging a bit. Like all of us on this board she's been through some rough times with her child and she deserves to be able to tell us about the good stuff, too.

I really hope for the day that the support in schools and other aspects of life for kids like ours is better so that their individual talents can come out and shine and that more of us could write about all the amazing things they are doing with the same pride as this mother.

I agree. I don't understand the annoyance, the hate, the disbelief and accusations that she has issues.

FWIW - I wasn't thinking the hobby was something like Legos or robotics. Chess didn't cross my mind! But kudos to her DS!

Np and Ditto. I'd like to think that this board is one of the few places I can go where other moms of SN kids can understand and help celebrate my son's small accomplishments and progress that wouldn't seem like a big deal to parents of NT kids, but are for us.

Yes but you're missing the issue. That's not what chess mom does. She tells us constantly how her son is a prodigy and now he is also a model. These aren't small in spite of accomplishments. She is a massive braggart living through her child and ramming her child's accomplishments down the mouth of the parents of disabled children. She clearly has a problem.

NP. Can you calm down? We all have massive problems. Leave this mother alone, and feel free to roll your eyes when you come across her posts, in the privacy of your own home.

[Anonymous]

My dh has ADHD and takes medication. It does not impact our personal lives, other than me sometimes giving him a shove to stop hyper focusing on a project.

At work, he delegates tasks that he knows will absorb him too much in the details, if it is not critical. He keeps an intensely detailed calender, so that he is sure he has not missed anything and creates early deadlines for himself, when possible. Most of the time, it's a benefit. The hyper focusing really allows him to achieve far more on projects than most people(because we stop after a reasonable time) and to really master subjects. When he knows about a topic he REALLY knows, which can be helpful at work. The flip side to that is the amount of time he will spend doing one thing can be a detriment, if he doesn't keep himself on task.

For him, the adhd has created no noticeable barriers in adulthood, as long as he take his medication. In childhood, he was untreated. He did poorly in HS (but there were additional factors at play) but had no issues in college or grad school, where he was also untreated. He has always been able to maintain friendships and is very social. He distance runs, which helps a great deal to relieve stress, allows him to regroup his thoughts if he is feeling overwhelmed, and let's gives him space to just think without distractions.

[Anonymous]

My child with significant special needs really is handsome and gorgeous enough to be a model. Doctors and professionals tell me this all the time, for which I'm very grateful, because he has so many other challenges, I think his gorgeous looks helps/saves him.