Would you give your only sibling a kidney?

[Anonymous]

In your situation, I probably would not. Or at least, I don't think you should feel guilty for not doing it. For my siblings, I would in a heartbeat, but we have a much better relationship.

[Anonymous]

Op, did your sister ask you for a kidney? How do you know that she needs one? How would you feel that she could die without getting your kidney? No one can answer this but you. I have an estranged sister and I don't know what I would do. For my brother whom I am close I would do so without hesitation. But, I wouldn't say no right away to my sister ( but that's me)and she has a child so that's a consideration.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here, sister emailed me and said her doctor told her to get on the kidney list and asked if I could help. (Did I mention that we detest each other?) Her email was signed Sincerely .... (name)

I gave her advice about getting a friend to be a Power of Attorney for Healthcare and a friend to be Power of Attorney. That is the help I'm giving. I would rather not be put in this situation and don't even want to find out if I am a match, because I have no intention of giving her a kidney.

As for being "well" from mental illness. A miracle drug (Abilify) 10 years ago helped her so much that she can now function in an apartment on her own, whereas she could not before that miracle drug. I would say she is mostly recovered but more unlikeable than before she got the drug.

[Anonymous]

I would not be able to deny anyone a life saving kidney, even a sibling I was estranged from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be able to deny anyone a life saving kidney, even a sibling I was estranged from.

Have you already given one? Plenty of people waiting on the national registry.

[Anonymous]

Not in your situation. I would feel guilty though. I'd save it for my child, just in case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In order to donate a kidney, you must go through extensive medical and psychological review. In other words, a social worker will explain the emotional aspects of donation for YOU and will assess whether this is a good thing for YOU to do. You also need to be a really close match medically, which is more rare than frequent, with siblings and other relatives. Your kidney needs to match with hers on several markets, not just a couple. If you get going down this road, and decide NOT to donate during the testing phase, after you gather information, your sister will be told you are not a match. Case closed. Do not agonize over this at this stage because it is entirely possible you are not a match for donation anyway.

--- signed,
Someone who is from a family with two kidney recipients

This.

[Anonymous]

Do you have children? Are they biologically yours?

I have kidney disease in my family, although I have not been asked to donate. I would hesitate to donate to an older relative (my generation or older) if it wasn't clear whether my children and nieces or nephews were at risk for the same condition.

[Anonymous]

No, but my brother's an alcoholic so that factor's in.

I've specifically told him, "I'm not giving you ____ when yours fails."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your situation, I probably would not. Or at least, I don't think you should feel guilty for not doing it. For my siblings, I would in a heartbeat, but we have a much better relationship.

Same here. Sometimes I struggle with my relationships with my sisters but we're still close.

You can't sh*t on people their entire lives then expect them to literally give you an organ when you say so just because you're sick. Heck, no one owes ANYONE else their organs, wonderful relationship or not.

[Anonymous]

My brother is a jerk and no I wouldn't donate. He has kids, but really I don't like him so there's that. He abused me growing up so I wouldn't feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First off let me say that I am estranged from my sister. She was mentally ill for about0 25 years. She is better now. She has been a bully to me all my life and pretty mean to me. I have few good memories of her. She became mentally ill at age 20, I am a year younger.

We are both closer to 60 than 50, yet I have a child in elementary school. I do not feel guilty to not offering her a kidney. I became estranged from her last year when I read her self published book which disses me and my parents.

Would you give a kidney to your close relative whom you do not like and has treated you badly your whole life?

At your age and with a young child, I wouldn't. So she's on dialysis forever? Or, until she finds a(nother) match. So what? Sounds like you're giving her time to think through her life decisions.

I adore my sibling, but in your circumstance (age/child), I wouldn't give him one. I wouldn't do anything to undermine my ability to be there for my child(ren). Add to it your actual relationship and the answer's pretty simple. No.

[Anonymous]

In your case, NO.

Infact I would be so blunt as to say that for a person who is older and has no dependents, and is not in a position where his/her absence would impact others negatively - there is no reason to extend life through invasive and expensive medical treatments.

I think I would like to reserve such treatments for people who are young, or have dependents or are an asset to family and community (caregiver of elderly people, teachers, firefighter, drs, soldiers, cops etc), especially when there is a big waiting list for organs for transplants.

[Anonymous]

What kind of person your sister is or has been is irrelevant.

Nobody should ever donate an organ out of a sense of guilt or obligation. Period.

It should be done completely voluntarily.

And anyone making any moral judgment on your not donating to her can go register themselves.

[Anonymous]

You may not a be a match. Both of you would need to be evaluated and you would undergo and intense workup. If you have a history of high blood pressure, you will not be eligible.
The surgery for the donor is much more intense and difficult to recover from than the recipient.

You don't need two kidneys, but given the relationship that you describe, you will regret it.