Talk me out of being pissed at my husband about this

[Anonymous]

I think the lack of respect for you is a problem. It seems like passive aggressive behavior. You obviously went to a lot of trouble and he just decided to ignore you and do something diffirent (which seems not only lazy but defiant).

I see myself in you OP so I have to comment that you and your husband need to get on same page soon else the teenage years will be very difficult. Teens are natural exploiters on parental discord!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely get you, OP. I am so sick of providing simple directions only to have the goal of the entire project deemed unnecessary.

"Just pick up some boneless chicken breasts and green beans for dinner." For which I have already set aside the rest of the ingredients for a healthy meal.

"We got a pizza."

+1

I'm 20:22 and YES this is so annoying. But! Really, stuff like this between me and my DH has improved. Don't stew. At the very least, it's more cathartic to say you're pissed and why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, both work FT, and I'm the default parent to the max. All things kid-related fall on me, as well as shopping, cooking, laundry, yardwork. My husband does clean up nightly and pay for a weekly cleaner, but he is incredibly helpless with a lot of basic skills. I had enrolled our tween son in a sports camp this week - he's not into sports but this was something he was willing to try. And honestly he needs to find some outlet where he can get some kind of physical activity. Camp was pricey and it entailed an inconvenient dropoff/pickup route. I did it Mon-Wed but had a work event from dawn to dusk today and needed my husband to do the driving. He just got back from a short work trip and I coached him thru the location (he doesn't have a smart phone for navigation) repeatedly.

Midway thru the day my husband calls, telling me that they decided to skip camp and just hang out. Today was the final day of the camp and the last chance my kid will have to try this sport for some time to come. No one bothered to tell my son's best friend, who only enrolled in the camp because they were both going. I am beyond furious about this, and I know it's slightly irrational.

I know my son didn't love the camp, but he was willing to try it and seemed to like it more each day. If he was miserable, I wouldn't have made him go back. I'm mad at my husband because I know he was just being lazy - he was tired from his trip and didn't want to do the inconvenient drive to the camp. I feel like I literally have to do every damn thing or else he will just opt not to do it. This happens with so many things, and I've kind of adjusted to the point where I will do anything I have to do. But ultimately sometimes I just can't, and this is just one episode where my kids are the losers in the process. Am I overreacting?? Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Let it go! Here is the thing (and see someone else already touched on it) he should have checked in with you about his plans. It is a great opportunity to have an open conversation with him about how important it is that you both make decisions about your children. No blame game, no judgement calls, no name calling. Just "I really felt out of the loop when you decided to pull Johnny out of camp today. In the future I would appreciate it if you could let me in on your plans." He will probably say cool and that will be the end of it. If he does it again THEN I would get pissed.

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, both work FT, and I'm the default parent to the max. All things kid-related fall on me, as well as shopping, cooking, laundry, yardwork. My husband does clean up nightly and pay for a weekly cleaner, but he is incredibly helpless with a lot of basic skills. I had enrolled our tween son in a sports camp this week - he's not into sports but this was something he was willing to try. And honestly he needs to find some outlet where he can get some kind of physical activity. Camp was pricey and it entailed an inconvenient dropoff/pickup route. I did it Mon-Wed but had a work event from dawn to dusk today and needed my husband to do the driving. He just got back from a short work trip and I coached him thru the location (he doesn't have a smart phone for navigation) repeatedly.

Midway thru the day my husband calls, telling me that they decided to skip camp and just hang out. Today was the final day of the camp and the last chance my kid will have to try this sport for some time to come. No one bothered to tell my son's best friend, who only enrolled in the camp because they were both going. I am beyond furious about this, and I know it's slightly irrational.

I know my son didn't love the camp, but he was willing to try it and seemed to like it more each day. If he was miserable, I wouldn't have made him go back. I'm mad at my husband because I know he was just being lazy - he was tired from his trip and didn't want to do the inconvenient drive to the camp. I feel like I literally have to do every damn thing or else he will just opt not to do it. This happens with so many things, and I've kind of adjusted to the point where I will do anything I have to do. But ultimately sometimes I just can't, and this is just one episode where my kids are the losers in the process. Am I overreacting?? Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go! Here is the thing (and see someone else already touched on it) he should have checked in with you about his plans. It is a great opportunity to have an open conversation with him about how important it is that you both make decisions about your children. No blame game, no judgement calls, no name calling. Just "I really felt out of the loop when you decided to pull Johnny out of camp today. In the future I would appreciate it if you could let me in on your plans." He will probably say cool and that will be the end of it. If he does it again THEN I would get pissed.

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, both work FT, and I'm the default parent to the max. All things kid-related fall on me, as well as shopping, cooking, laundry, yardwork. My husband does clean up nightly and pay for a weekly cleaner, but he is incredibly helpless with a lot of basic skills. I had enrolled our tween son in a sports camp this week - he's not into sports but this was something he was willing to try. And honestly he needs to find some outlet where he can get some kind of physical activity. Camp was pricey and it entailed an inconvenient dropoff/pickup route. I did it Mon-Wed but had a work event from dawn to dusk today and needed my husband to do the driving. He just got back from a short work trip and I coached him thru the location (he doesn't have a smart phone for navigation) repeatedly.

Midway thru the day my husband calls, telling me that they decided to skip camp and just hang out. Today was the final day of the camp and the last chance my kid will have to try this sport for some time to come. No one bothered to tell my son's best friend, who only enrolled in the camp because they were both going. I am beyond furious about this, and I know it's slightly irrational.

I know my son didn't love the camp, but he was willing to try it and seemed to like it more each day. If he was miserable, I wouldn't have made him go back. I'm mad at my husband because I know he was just being lazy - he was tired from his trip and didn't want to do the inconvenient drive to the camp. I feel like I literally have to do every damn thing or else he will just opt not to do it. This happens with so many things, and I've kind of adjusted to the point where I will do anything I have to do. But ultimately sometimes I just can't, and this is just one episode where my kids are the losers in the process. Am I overreacting?? Any advice?

Why does he need to do this?

It's effing camp! It's not surgery, it's not school.

He's the dad not the babysitter. He should be able to do the day to day decisions like this without checking in or OP freaking out.

OP needs her husband to do more. That issue needs to be resolved, but in order for that to happen she has to be able to let go.

OP, you and your husband need counseling.


Whatever you do, don't gripe to your son about this and make him feel bad.

[Anonymous]

This would piss me off too, but there's nothing that can be done about it now. The anger is not helping you. What you need to do is wait until you can reflect and be calm and articulate in a productive way for the future why this was not okay, so that future opportunities are not missed. Or at least so that there can be a conversation/agreement/compromise.

[Anonymous]

Control freak Mama needs a chill pill. What she's really pissed about is that her life subordinate started acting like a life partner, damn him.

[Anonymous]

My ex was and is like that. I have to scream my head off to get him to go where they need to go. He has nearly missed camps and birthdays because he tells me at the last minute when it's too late for me to pick up DS and drive him.
Thank god he is my ex. He is lazy and doesn't do anything that requires leaving the house.
I'd be pissed too if I were you.

[Anonymous]

How does he go on a work trip but not have a smartphone? This is unfathomable to me.

[Anonymous]

I can understand why you are upset. If this was an isolated incident then you probably wouldn't care as much, but I'm sure he does stuff like this frequently. My DH is similar. When it comes to him doing something, it suddenly doesn't need to get done. For ex., it's his turn to give baby bath, oh he doesn't need it today; his turn to vaccuum, it's not dirty, etc. It can get annoying quickly. And if I push back, he complains that his opinion doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: I hear you. Glaringly obvious why you are pissed. Best to calm down, though, before you address or someone like your DH will just tune you out.

I am fascinated by all the DH defenders on this thread. They are really off base.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you sure that your DH didn't take your son to camp in part because your son didn't want to go? From your original post, it sounds like your son was tepid on the camp.

[Anonymous]

It does sound as if your son was not excited about the camp, and is not sports-oriented.

Maybe it would have been better to think of a less expensive, less inconvenient way to try to build more physical activity into his life. Is your husband physically active? Have the two of you brainstormed together about this issue regarding your son?

[Anonymous]

I had enrolled our tween son in a sports camp this week - he's not into sports but this was something he was willing to try. And honestly he needs to find some outlet where he can get some kind of physical activity. Camp was pricey and it entailed an inconvenient dropoff/pickup route. I did it Mon-Wed but had a work event from dawn to dusk today and needed my husband to do the driving. He just got back from a short work trip and I coached him thru the location (he doesn't have a smart phone for navigation) repeatedly.

Ok, it sounds like there are a lot of issues at play here. I don't disagree that it sounds like your husband was a bit lazy and undermined you, but why did you sign your son up for a camp that is (1) pricey (2) inconvenient and (3) focuses on something that he isn't into? There must be other, easier ways for him to get some physical activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. It's galling. He gets to use his parenting time to ne the "fun dad," which leaves you less time to be the "fun mom" plus does not actually help you with your burdens at all.

OP doesn't sound fun at all. About anything. She just sounds like a manic helicopter mom who gets upset whenever her DH or DS don't want to do exactly what she wants. She needs to be in therapy to figure out why she is so controlling before her DH dumps her and her DS doesn't tune her out entirely.

LOL You need therapy, PP. Your posts are the same on almost any subject.