default parent - can't handle it today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry I don't understand how life is so hard when taking care of a sick child means sending them off for someone else to take care of.

trust me, I'd much rather be able to stay home with sick kid, take a nap when he does, and catch up on some laundry. (not at all saying that SAH is easier than WOH; just in this instance, I'd much have preferred to stay home but could not due to work committments.)

[Anonymous]

OP, that's not what "default" parent means.

Default parent means it is assumed you will stay home from work today to take care of the sick child.

You're just another WOH parent whose child was up in the middle of the night, and now you're tired.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it sucks to be the one getting up all night when you have to work the next day too.

My only advice - don't wait until you melt down for real. When you feel yourself heading thay direction, wake DH up and tell him that is his turn NOW. In a perfect world, you wouldn't have to tell him, but the world isn't perfect. Do what is effective, not what you think is "right".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's not what "default" parent means.

Default parent means it is assumed you will stay home from work today to take care of the sick child.

You're just another WOH parent whose child was up in the middle of the night, and now you're tired.

Depends if they both have similar salaries and work hours, then a WOH mom can absolutely be the default parent if she is expected to handle ALL nighttime wakeups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's not what "default" parent means.

Default parent means it is assumed you will stay home from work today to take care of the sick child.

You're just another WOH parent whose child was up in the middle of the night, and now you're tired.

Ok, so what do you call it when one parent does 80% of the childcare, 80% of the housework, all the household finances, coordinates the household repairs & upkeep, all the details of the child's life (medical, school research and planning, etc), all the planning to see relatives (including inlaws to keep up relationship with grandchild), holidays, etc., PLUS works FT and brings in a bigger salary than the other parent? I'm perfectly happy to give is a new term other than "default parent."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's not what "default" parent means.

Default parent means it is assumed you will stay home from work today to take care of the sick child.

You're just another WOH parent whose child was up in the middle of the night, and now you're tired.

Ok, so what do you call it when one parent does 80% of the childcare, 80% of the housework, all the household finances, coordinates the household repairs & upkeep, all the details of the child's life (medical, school research and planning, etc), all the planning to see relatives (including inlaws to keep up relationship with grandchild), holidays, etc., PLUS works FT and brings in a bigger salary than the other parent? I'm perfectly happy to give is a new term other than "default parent."

Oh yeah, I forgot to add all the nighttime wakeups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's not what "default" parent means.

Default parent means it is assumed you will stay home from work today to take care of the sick child.

You're just another WOH parent whose child was up in the middle of the night, and now you're tired.

Ok, so what do you call it when one parent does 80% of the childcare, 80% of the housework, all the household finances, coordinates the household repairs & upkeep, all the details of the child's life (medical, school research and planning, etc), all the planning to see relatives (including inlaws to keep up relationship with grandchild), holidays, etc., PLUS works FT and brings in a bigger salary than the other parent? I'm perfectly happy to give is a new term other than "default parent."

Oh yeah, I forgot to add all the nighttime wakeups.

How about "doormat"? Be assertive with your husband and find balance.

[Anonymous]

You have to start delegating some of the responsibility to your husband. Right now, you are enabling him by being a martyr of doing most of the stuffs. But, once you delegate, do not micromanage.

I know it's hard, because somehow mom is wired that way, but you can start now before resentment get worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent him to camp for the am

I really dislike people like you. It is so incredibly irresponsible to send a sick child to where other kids are. You want a career and children - you are responsible for figuring out how to not expose other children to your child's diseases. You're barely better the non-vaxers (assuming you aren't one).

[Anonymous]

Why did you send your sick kid to camp?!?

I am at home over the summer, so if my kid gets sick from.someone at the one camp we picked this summer, we can roll with it. But most of the kids at camp are there because their parents work, so if your kid gets them sick it creates a hardship for all of those working parents.

That is really selfish of you to send a sick kid to camp. If you couldn't take off you shoukd have had your husband go in late until the sitter could get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you send your sick kid to camp?!?

I am at home over the summer, so if my kid gets sick from.someone at the one camp we picked this summer, we can roll with it. But most of the kids at camp are there because their parents work, so if your kid gets them sick it creates a hardship for all of those working parents.

That is really selfish of you to send a sick kid to camp. If you couldn't take off you shoukd have had your husband go in late until the sitter could get there.

what part of "I earn more, my husband refuses to do his share, and I absolutely could not miss work" do you not understand? If every kid were kept out of school because of run of the mill colds, no kids would go to school. (Mine would miss weeks and weeks a year.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to start delegating some of the responsibility to your husband. Right now, you are enabling him by being a martyr of doing most of the stuffs. But, once you delegate, do not micromanage.

I know it's hard, because somehow mom is wired that way, but you can start now before resentment get worse.

yeah, so, I have delegated the only things he can actually be counted upon to do. the other things, he literally won't do. e.g., will refuse to stay home with sick kid no matter how sick (see above me being chastised for being "selfish" for not being able to take sick leave that particular day). financial matters, no way can he be responsible for them. household, it would look like crazy people lived there (so I pay out of my greater earnings for weekly cleaners). on a day to day basis it's easier for me to do everything. until I boil over like yesterday AM.

[Anonymous]

Yeah op I'm the default parent even tho I have a full time job and we're equal earners. Thanks for nothing for sending your kid to camp cause now my kid's sick and I'm going to have to take the day(s) off. Keep your sick kid home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah op I'm the default parent even tho I have a full time job and we're equal earners. Thanks for nothing for sending your kid to camp cause now my kid's sick and I'm going to have to take the day(s) off. Keep your sick kid home!

So let me get this straight. Not only do I have to do everything at home AND earn more money at work, but I also have to keep my child home for the full duration of any cold (so that would be like 3 months out of the year for him) AND somehow keep my job. OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah op I'm the default parent even tho I have a full time job and we're equal earners. Thanks for nothing for sending your kid to camp cause now my kid's sick and I'm going to have to take the day(s) off. Keep your sick kid home!

So let me get this straight. Not only do I have to do everything at home AND earn more money at work, but I also have to keep my child home for the full duration of any cold (so that would be like 3 months out of the year for him) AND somehow keep my job. OK.

Kids wouldn't be getting sick so much if parents didn't send them to school/camp when they were sick. Viruses wouldn't be passed around classes for weeks at a time if parents just kept their kids home for the first day or two of the cold when they are sneezing/coughing everywhere.