Working mom with more than 3 kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do they do it? I work for a non profit and one of the directors has 5 kids ages 4 to 16. Another woman program manager has 5 kids under 12th grade. They don't have nannies. I am a 46 year old single woman, and no kids, no husband. I don't see how these women have the time for their family or their professional life.

Why don't you ask either of them how they do it? I think some women find motherhood easy and are naturally good at it. I am a mother of 3 and wouldn't put myself in that category. I get stressed out managing it all while several of my friends seem to thrive with all the chaos and juggling. Why the judgment, OP because it sounds like you are making one. Women with 4 kids shouldn't work? Women with 4 kids cannot be effective managers or directors? Women can't do it all? Should I also assume that because you are single and have no kids that you probably have way to much time on your hands and spend a lot of it poking your nose in other people's business?

Hi. I have two. Personally I would ask the same question--not because I'm judgemental of women I see with four who are making it work, but because I genuinely feel like I am at my limit and I sometimes wonder what I'm doing wrong and how other people manage.

In my case the complicating factors are that my two kids are close together, I don't have local family, and my husband is in medical residency which is extremely inflexible and has BigLaw style hours, with a very low salary. Also, I'm an introvert and not good at chaos.

Two women at my office have four children each. Both are very successful professionally.

One has a SAH husband. Her career is flying but it sounds like her kids are not doing well--at least twice recently I remember her saying that one of them went to the hospital after some accident happened at home. She mostly seems very stressed out and unhappy.

The other woman started having kids very young, so her kids are spaced quite far apart, which probably makes it all more manageable.

I don't think there is a magic solution. There are only so many hours in the day. Either you have outside help

[Anonymous]

Oops, my last post got cut off.

Either you have outside help, or you have a spouse who can handle the bulk of work at home, I guess. I don't know of any other way.

I forgot to mention I know one other lady with three kids who is professionally and has a spouse in an intense career as well. They have no local family, but the kids are in daycare/school. The wife is able to work full time from home, plus they have a live in au pair.

[Anonymous]

Also, some kids are easier than others. It would be really hard to parent "just" one kid if s/he had severe special needs and you couldn't afford all the help and therapies required, compared to having two or more kids who are healthy, compliant, and good sleepers.

[Anonymous]

I am in a senior legal position with a full time working spouse (health care administration). We have three kids, one of whom has special needs, and have also had foster children. We have no family in the area and don't have a nanny - we use/used regular daycare and before/aftercare plus camps in the summer. For about two years we had a house cleaner, but don't anymore, and for the past two years, we've had a lawn person.

I just don't find it that hard to make things work. When I'm on the job, I am very organized and I don't spend time socializing or going out to lunch - occasionally get on DCUM though. So, I don't have to work more than 8-9 hours a day. At home, I am organized about shopping, meal planning, and keeping the house going and from a young age, we've had all of the kids pitching in to do their share. We never argue over who is going to do what chores - both of us are good about just doing what needs to be done and we both know what we're good at and what the other is better at.

Two of my kids are really active in activities, so that's a pain to coordinate. The worst thing I can say about my life is that sometimes I find a layer of dust on my furniture and my bathrooms could use to be cleaned a little more often. I will say that I am a pretty laid back parent, except when it comes to dealing with special needs issues. I don't stress about the small things and I don't typically get riled up about the stages they go through. I'm a caretaker by nature, so the physical aspect of caring for little kids and babies was very enjoyable to me.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids 5, 7, 9 and work as a senior (C-level) marketing executive. My husband is an ER doctor. I worked through all three kids' baby, toddler, and preschool years and continue to do so. During that window, my career exploded and I went through several levels at my company (director, to senior director, to product VP, to VP, to CMO). How did I do it?

First, I am a very, very organized person. I was very organized prior to having kids and was the default manager of our lives, due to my husband's residency (we had kids once he finished training). Second, I know when to fold 'em. I am not going to do things 100 percent perfectly. I view getting things 80 percent done sufficient for my own sanity. So, I didn't push myself on things. I nursed until it was too inconvenient or my supply didn't keep up with demand. My kids were sleep trained around 6 months or so. I didn't get bogged down on the baby stuff. The kids were fed, clean, and loved. Whether or not I made food from scratch or from a pouch wasn't a hill I was willing to die on.

Third, we had a nanny. My oldest went to daycare, but with costs, it became cheaper just to bring her on. It costs the equivalent to our mortgage, but it was absolutely worth it and I was able to work through two levels of promotions due to her support. We even kept the nanny on board as a house manager/nanny now that the kids are in elementary school. She's just an amazing, amazing person.

Fourth, my husband and I both handle meal planning, logistics, etc. Sometimes when things are hectic, he will work overnights or two doubles on the weekend so we can drive the kids to sports, etc.

Finally, I simplified my own life. I have a capsule wardrobe so I don't spend more than a few minutes determining what to wear (my sister who I love dearly admitted to spending 30 minutes trying clothes on. I ain't got time for that. I have a cute chin length bob that is easy to style. I have a fairly simple makeup routine. And I exercise pretty much daily at the gym at my office during lunch, opting to eat at my desk (where I eat pretty much the same salad from the restaurant below for the past 10 years). So, I'm boring in ways, but get things done.

I thought long and hard about being home, but I realized I enjoyed working and have seen a dramatic increase in what I make. I actually outearn my husband by 3 times. So, for me, it worked out.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids and I work an 80% schedule (4 8hr days). My kids are 8, 7, 3, and 15m. I have a nanny share for the baby (nanny splits her time between 2 houses) and the older 3 are in school 8:15-3:30.

I work 6:30-4. DH does mornings and I am home when they get home from school. DH also works full time, often long hours but he has flexibility.

I schedule as many appts as possible for Fridays (my day off) and that's also when I do my errands and other stuff. Nanny works until 12 on Fridays so I am kid-free until then. I even make it to the gym sometimes!

I have a lot of friends who work with 3+ kids. Its hectic but we all seem to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids and I work an 80% schedule (4 8hr days). My kids are 8, 7, 3, and 15m. I have a nanny share for the baby (nanny splits her time between 2 houses) and the older 3 are in school 8:15-3:30.

I work 6:30-4. DH does mornings and I am home when they get home from school. DH also works full time, often long hours but he has flexibility.

I schedule as many appts as possible for Fridays (my day off) and that's also when I do my errands and other stuff. Nanny works until 12 on Fridays so I am kid-free until then. I even make it to the gym sometimes!

I have a lot of friends who work with 3+ kids. Its hectic but we all seem to manage.

FWIW - I am a federal atty and my DH works in the private sector. I am also able to work from home often which really helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids and I work an 80% schedule (4 8hr days). My kids are 8, 7, 3, and 15m. I have a nanny share for the baby (nanny splits her time between 2 houses) and the older 3 are in school 8:15-3:30.

I work 6:30-4. DH does mornings and I am home when they get home from school. DH also works full time, often long hours but he has flexibility.

I schedule as many appts as possible for Fridays (my day off) and that's also when I do my errands and other stuff. Nanny works until 12 on Fridays so I am kid-free until then. I even make it to the gym sometimes!

I have a lot of friends who work with 3+ kids. Its hectic but we all seem to manage.

FWIW - I am a federal atty and my DH works in the private sector. I am also able to work from home often which really helps.

How long is your and DH's commute to work? Is your job relatively relaxed or you have a lot of deadlines to meet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids and I work an 80% schedule (4 8hr days). My kids are 8, 7, 3, and 15m. I have a nanny share for the baby (nanny splits her time between 2 houses) and the older 3 are in school 8:15-3:30.

I work 6:30-4. DH does mornings and I am home when they get home from school. DH also works full time, often long hours but he has flexibility.

I schedule as many appts as possible for Fridays (my day off) and that's also when I do my errands and other stuff. Nanny works until 12 on Fridays so I am kid-free until then. I even make it to the gym sometimes!

I have a lot of friends who work with 3+ kids. Its hectic but we all seem to manage.

FWIW - I am a federal atty and my DH works in the private sector. I am also able to work from home often which really helps.

How long is your and DH's commute to work? Is your job relatively relaxed or you have a lot of deadlines to meet?

I work from home a lot but my office commute is 30 mins in the AM and close to an hr in the PM. DH works all over but when he goes to the office its 45-60 mins away (MD to VA)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids 5, 7, 9 and work as a senior (C-level) marketing executive. My husband is an ER doctor. I worked through all three kids' baby, toddler, and preschool years and continue to do so. During that window, my career exploded and I went through several levels at my company (director, to senior director, to product VP, to VP, to CMO). How did I do it?

First, I am a very, very organized person. I was very organized prior to having kids and was the default manager of our lives, due to my husband's residency (we had kids once he finished training). Second, I know when to fold 'em. I am not going to do things 100 percent perfectly. I view getting things 80 percent done sufficient for my own sanity. So, I didn't push myself on things. I nursed until it was too inconvenient or my supply didn't keep up with demand. My kids were sleep trained around 6 months or so. I didn't get bogged down on the baby stuff. The kids were fed, clean, and loved. Whether or not I made food from scratch or from a pouch wasn't a hill I was willing to die on.

Third, we had a nanny. My oldest went to daycare, but with costs, it became cheaper just to bring her on. It costs the equivalent to our mortgage, but it was absolutely worth it and I was able to work through two levels of promotions due to her support. We even kept the nanny on board as a house manager/nanny now that the kids are in elementary school. She's just an amazing, amazing person.

Fourth, my husband and I both handle meal planning, logistics, etc. Sometimes when things are hectic, he will work overnights or two doubles on the weekend so we can drive the kids to sports, etc.

Finally, I simplified my own life. I have a capsule wardrobe so I don't spend more than a few minutes determining what to wear (my sister who I love dearly admitted to spending 30 minutes trying clothes on. I ain't got time for that. I have a cute chin length bob that is easy to style. I have a fairly simple makeup routine. And I exercise pretty much daily at the gym at my office during lunch, opting to eat at my desk (where I eat pretty much the same salad from the restaurant below for the past 10 years). So, I'm boring in ways, but get things done.

I thought long and hard about being home, but I realized I enjoyed working and have seen a dramatic increase in what I make. I actually outearn my husband by 3 times. So, for me, it worked out.

PP here. Forgot one big thing. We added a laundry bonus for the nanny. For 100 bucks extra a week, she would wash and fold everyone's clothes. I made that decision after my second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids 5, 7, 9 and work as a senior (C-level) marketing executive. My husband is an ER doctor. I worked through all three kids' baby, toddler, and preschool years and continue to do so. During that window, my career exploded and I went through several levels at my company (director, to senior director, to product VP, to VP, to CMO). How did I do it?

First, I am a very, very organized person. I was very organized prior to having kids and was the default manager of our lives, due to my husband's residency (we had kids once he finished training). Second, I know when to fold 'em. I am not going to do things 100 percent perfectly. I view getting things 80 percent done sufficient for my own sanity. So, I didn't push myself on things. I nursed until it was too inconvenient or my supply didn't keep up with demand. My kids were sleep trained around 6 months or so. I didn't get bogged down on the baby stuff. The kids were fed, clean, and loved. Whether or not I made food from scratch or from a pouch wasn't a hill I was willing to die on.

Third, we had a nanny. My oldest went to daycare, but with costs, it became cheaper just to bring her on. It costs the equivalent to our mortgage, but it was absolutely worth it and I was able to work through two levels of promotions due to her support. We even kept the nanny on board as a house manager/nanny now that the kids are in elementary school. She's just an amazing, amazing person.

Fourth, my husband and I both handle meal planning, logistics, etc. Sometimes when things are hectic, he will work overnights or two doubles on the weekend so we can drive the kids to sports, etc.

Finally, I simplified my own life. I have a capsule wardrobe so I don't spend more than a few minutes determining what to wear (my sister who I love dearly admitted to spending 30 minutes trying clothes on. I ain't got time for that. I have a cute chin length bob that is easy to style. I have a fairly simple makeup routine. And I exercise pretty much daily at the gym at my office during lunch, opting to eat at my desk (where I eat pretty much the same salad from the restaurant below for the past 10 years). So, I'm boring in ways, but get things done.

I thought long and hard about being home, but I realized I enjoyed working and have seen a dramatic increase in what I make. I actually outearn my husband by 3 times. So, for me, it worked out.

This is exactly how people to this! Kudos to you, lady!

To OP - if you are not an organized person, you cannot even begin to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids 5, 7, 9 and work as a senior (C-level) marketing executive. My husband is an ER doctor. I worked through all three kids' baby, toddler, and preschool years and continue to do so. During that window, my career exploded and I went through several levels at my company (director, to senior director, to product VP, to VP, to CMO). How did I do it?

First, I am a very, very organized person. I was very organized prior to having kids and was the default manager of our lives, due to my husband's residency (we had kids once he finished training). Second, I know when to fold 'em. I am not going to do things 100 percent perfectly. I view getting things 80 percent done sufficient for my own sanity. So, I didn't push myself on things. I nursed until it was too inconvenient or my supply didn't keep up with demand. My kids were sleep trained around 6 months or so. I didn't get bogged down on the baby stuff. The kids were fed, clean, and loved. Whether or not I made food from scratch or from a pouch wasn't a hill I was willing to die on.

Third, we had a nanny. My oldest went to daycare, but with costs, it became cheaper just to bring her on. It costs the equivalent to our mortgage, but it was absolutely worth it and I was able to work through two levels of promotions due to her support. We even kept the nanny on board as a house manager/nanny now that the kids are in elementary school. She's just an amazing, amazing person.

Fourth, my husband and I both handle meal planning, logistics, etc. Sometimes when things are hectic, he will work overnights or two doubles on the weekend so we can drive the kids to sports, etc.

Finally, I simplified my own life. I have a capsule wardrobe so I don't spend more than a few minutes determining what to wear (my sister who I love dearly admitted to spending 30 minutes trying clothes on. I ain't got time for that. I have a cute chin length bob that is easy to style. I have a fairly simple makeup routine. And I exercise pretty much daily at the gym at my office during lunch, opting to eat at my desk (where I eat pretty much the same salad from the restaurant below for the past 10 years). So, I'm boring in ways, but get things done.

I thought long and hard about being home, but I realized I enjoyed working and have seen a dramatic increase in what I make. I actually outearn my husband by 3 times. So, for me, it worked out.

This is exactly how people to this! Kudos to you, lady!

To OP - if you are not an organized person, you cannot even begin to do this.

Agree, this is inspiring. Maybe I'll have a third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the kids' other parents involved?

No one really asks how men do this.

Yes because men are not mothers. Men and women are different.

[Anonymous]

I've asked men this question when I know their wives work. When I know men have a SAH partner, I already know how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids 5, 7, 9 and work as a senior (C-level) marketing executive. My husband is an ER doctor. I worked through all three kids' baby, toddler, and preschool years and continue to do so. During that window, my career exploded and I went through several levels at my company (director, to senior director, to product VP, to VP, to CMO). How did I do it?

First, I am a very, very organized person. I was very organized prior to having kids and was the default manager of our lives, due to my husband's residency (we had kids once he finished training). Second, I know when to fold 'em. I am not going to do things 100 percent perfectly. I view getting things 80 percent done sufficient for my own sanity. So, I didn't push myself on things. I nursed until it was too inconvenient or my supply didn't keep up with demand. My kids were sleep trained around 6 months or so. I didn't get bogged down on the baby stuff. The kids were fed, clean, and loved. Whether or not I made food from scratch or from a pouch wasn't a hill I was willing to die on.

Third, we had a nanny. My oldest went to daycare, but with costs, it became cheaper just to bring her on. It costs the equivalent to our mortgage, but it was absolutely worth it and I was able to work through two levels of promotions due to her support. We even kept the nanny on board as a house manager/nanny now that the kids are in elementary school. She's just an amazing, amazing person.

Fourth, my husband and I both handle meal planning, logistics, etc. Sometimes when things are hectic, he will work overnights or two doubles on the weekend so we can drive the kids to sports, etc.

Finally, I simplified my own life. I have a capsule wardrobe so I don't spend more than a few minutes determining what to wear (my sister who I love dearly admitted to spending 30 minutes trying clothes on. I ain't got time for that. I have a cute chin length bob that is easy to style. I have a fairly simple makeup routine. And I exercise pretty much daily at the gym at my office during lunch, opting to eat at my desk (where I eat pretty much the same salad from the restaurant below for the past 10 years). So, I'm boring in ways, but get things done.

I thought long and hard about being home, but I realized I enjoyed working and have seen a dramatic increase in what I make. I actually outearn my husband by 3 times. So, for me, it worked out.

Wow, amazing! Can I ask, how did you handle maternity / paternity leave? Your kids are pretty close together. Did your husband take time off?