Working mom with more than 3 kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the kids' other parents involved?

No one really asks how men do this.

Yes because men are not mothers. Men and women are different.

Without discounting the serious investment it takes to carry, birth, and breastfeed a child, what exactly do you think has to vary in the roles Moms and Dads play once those activities are completed? I'm guessing you don't look favorably on same sex couples or any couple who adopts or otherwise has a relationship with their child where their gender wasn't a necessary precondition of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids 5, 7, 9 and work as a senior (C-level) marketing executive. My husband is an ER doctor. I worked through all three kids' baby, toddler, and preschool years and continue to do so. During that window, my career exploded and I went through several levels at my company (director, to senior director, to product VP, to VP, to CMO). How did I do it?

First, I am a very, very organized person. I was very organized prior to having kids and was the default manager of our lives, due to my husband's residency (we had kids once he finished training). Second, I know when to fold 'em. I am not going to do things 100 percent perfectly. I view getting things 80 percent done sufficient for my own sanity. So, I didn't push myself on things. I nursed until it was too inconvenient or my supply didn't keep up with demand. My kids were sleep trained around 6 months or so. I didn't get bogged down on the baby stuff. The kids were fed, clean, and loved. Whether or not I made food from scratch or from a pouch wasn't a hill I was willing to die on.

Third, we had a nanny. My oldest went to daycare, but with costs, it became cheaper just to bring her on. It costs the equivalent to our mortgage, but it was absolutely worth it and I was able to work through two levels of promotions due to her support. We even kept the nanny on board as a house manager/nanny now that the kids are in elementary school. She's just an amazing, amazing person.

Fourth, my husband and I both handle meal planning, logistics, etc. Sometimes when things are hectic, he will work overnights or two doubles on the weekend so we can drive the kids to sports, etc.

Finally, I simplified my own life. I have a capsule wardrobe so I don't spend more than a few minutes determining what to wear (my sister who I love dearly admitted to spending 30 minutes trying clothes on. I ain't got time for that. I have a cute chin length bob that is easy to style. I have a fairly simple makeup routine. And I exercise pretty much daily at the gym at my office during lunch, opting to eat at my desk (where I eat pretty much the same salad from the restaurant below for the past 10 years). So, I'm boring in ways, but get things done.

I thought long and hard about being home, but I realized I enjoyed working and have seen a dramatic increase in what I make. I actually outearn my husband by 3 times. So, for me, it worked out.

Wow, amazing! Can I ask, how did you handle maternity / paternity leave? Your kids are pretty close together. Did your husband take time off?

I went back at 12 weeks with each kid. My husband took off for a month after this either because he had just finished residency and had a start date for a new job that he was able to push (1st baby), started at a new job (2nd baby) or just took unpaid FMLA (8-weeks) for the third baby. For my second and third, I took the 12 weeks and went back. I nursed each of them for roughly 5 or 6 months before I threw in the towel. My oldest was the most challenging because I did pick-ups and had hard stops at 5:30 to get him. When we got the nanny, we were able to stagger our schedules so I could work later and didn't have to do the 9-11 email clean up shift after the kids go to bed.

My husband is an involved parent, but in terms of the baby years, things were definitely more on me. What's funny is that now that the kids are older, I think he does way, way more than I do for the kids. He coaches things and knows more about their school stuff. I still manage the day-to-day details like bills, etc. but I openly admit having older kids really did change the dynamic.

The other thing is that my husband's job is very, very flexible. He can move his schedule around a bit depending on the needs of our family. Sometimes he works overnights, weekends, etc. if there are kid things he wants to do at school or in sports. That's helpful as is the nanny.

Financially, I was sort of at a wash when my first was born in terms of working. I was putting money into retirement, etc. but I think we only cleared a few hundred bucks a month. The promotions came through and eventually over the course of 10 years I went from a mid-career marketing professional to a C-level marketing professional. It blows my mind, but I really enjoy what I do and the company I work for so making the choice to work was the right thing for me. I am glad I didn't stop, but completely understand why someone would choose differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids and I work an 80% schedule (4 8hr days). My kids are 8, 7, 3, and 15m. I have a nanny share for the baby (nanny splits her time between 2 houses) and the older 3 are in school 8:15-3:30.

I work 6:30-4. DH does mornings and I am home when they get home from school. DH also works full time, often long hours but he has flexibility.

I schedule as many appts as possible for Fridays (my day off) and that's also when I do my errands and other stuff. Nanny works until 12 on Fridays so I am kid-free until then. I even make it to the gym sometimes!

I have a lot of friends who work with 3+ kids. Its hectic but we all seem to manage.

FWIW - I am a federal atty and my DH works in the private sector. I am also able to work from home often which really helps.

How long is your and DH's commute to work? Is your job relatively relaxed or you have a lot of deadlines to meet?

Oops, didn't respond to this before.

I have a steady stream of work that needs to get done and am accountable for my hours and production, but its all doable without much stress (with the exception of recent months where one of my child is having some medical issues and I have been working late nights to keep up). DH is in real estate so he has slower periods and then he has times with crazy deadlines with a big deal is closing (he was on the phone with a client while I was in labor for #4 "its ok, my wife is only 4cm dilated"). Both of us have flexibility and although I am the "default parent", he definitely steps in when he can and takes them to appts, does carpool, etc. He doesn't have any set sick or vacation leave policy, so sometimes its easier for him to take off but if he's not working, he's not making money, so I try to let him work whenever possible.

While we would love to have full-time help to ourselves, our older kids are in a parochial private school so all our money goes to tuition. We have a cleaning person come every other week to do the whole house and when shes not busy with the babies and she's at our house, our nanny folds laundry and does some light cleaning in the kitchen.

Its crazy and hectic and we are involved in other activities, including our synagogue and PTA and our older kids do one extracurricular each season but we love it and couldn't imagine life any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids and I work an 80% schedule (4 8hr days). My kids are 8, 7, 3, and 15m. I have a nanny share for the baby (nanny splits her time between 2 houses) and the older 3 are in school 8:15-3:30.

I work 6:30-4. DH does mornings and I am home when they get home from school. DH also works full time, often long hours but he has flexibility.

I schedule as many appts as possible for Fridays (my day off) and that's also when I do my errands and other stuff. Nanny works until 12 on Fridays so I am kid-free until then. I even make it to the gym sometimes!

I have a lot of friends who work with 3+ kids. Its hectic but we all seem to manage.

FWIW - I am a federal atty and my DH works in the private sector. I am also able to work from home often which really helps.

How long is your and DH's commute to work? Is your job relatively relaxed or you have a lot of deadlines to meet?

Oops, didn't respond to this before.

Thanks for the response. I am an attny too but I quit my job as I could not manage it with my constant sick infant at daycare, lack of flexibility at work and constant deadlines to meet. It stressed me out and left me exhausted. It was not easy to quit as I like working. I wish I had more help but DH and now have decided to do things a bit differently once I return back to the work force. Your post was helpful! Thx
I have a steady stream of work that needs to get done and am accountable for my hours and production, but its all doable without much stress (with the exception of recent months where one of my child is having some medical issues and I have been working late nights to keep up). DH is in real estate so he has slower periods and then he has times with crazy deadlines with a big deal is closing (he was on the phone with a client while I was in labor for #4 "its ok, my wife is only 4cm dilated"). Both of us have flexibility and although I am the "default parent", he definitely steps in when he can and takes them to appts, does carpool, etc. He doesn't have any set sick or vacation leave policy, so sometimes its easier for him to take off but if he's not working, he's not making money, so I try to let him work whenever possible.

While we would love to have full-time help to ourselves, our older kids are in a parochial private school so all our money goes to tuition. We have a cleaning person come every other week to do the whole house and when shes not busy with the babies and she's at our house, our nanny folds laundry and does some light cleaning in the kitchen.

Its crazy and hectic and we are involved in other activities, including our synagogue and PTA and our older kids do one extracurricular each season but we love it and couldn't imagine life any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids and I work an 80% schedule (4 8hr days). My kids are 8, 7, 3, and 15m. I have a nanny share for the baby (nanny splits her time between 2 houses) and the older 3 are in school 8:15-3:30.

I work 6:30-4. DH does mornings and I am home when they get home from school. DH also works full time, often long hours but he has flexibility.

I schedule as many appts as possible for Fridays (my day off) and that's also when I do my errands and other stuff. Nanny works until 12 on Fridays so I am kid-free until then. I even make it to the gym sometimes!

I have a lot of friends who work with 3+ kids. Its hectic but we all seem to manage.

FWIW - I am a federal atty and my DH works in the private sector. I am also able to work from home often which really helps.

How long is your and DH's commute to work? Is your job relatively relaxed or you have a lot of deadlines to meet?

Oops, didn't respond to this before.

I have a steady stream of work that needs to get done and am accountable for my hours and production, but its all doable without much stress (with the exception of recent months where one of my child is having some medical issues and I have been working late nights to keep up). DH is in real estate so he has slower periods and then he has times with crazy deadlines with a big deal is closing (he was on the phone with a client while I was in labor for #4 "its ok, my wife is only 4cm dilated"). Both of us have flexibility and although I am the "default parent", he definitely steps in when he can and takes them to appts, does carpool, etc. He doesn't have any set sick or vacation leave policy, so sometimes its easier for him to take off but if he's not working, he's not making money, so I try to let him work whenever possible.

While we would love to have full-time help to ourselves, our older kids are in a parochial private school so all our money goes to tuition. We have a cleaning person come every other week to do the whole house and when shes not busy with the babies and she's at our house, our nanny folds laundry and does some light cleaning in the kitchen.

Its crazy and hectic and we are involved in other activities, including our synagogue and PTA and our older kids do one extracurricular each season but we love it and couldn't imagine life any other way.

PP here. I am reposting as I posted in the middle of your post.
Thanks for the response. I am an attny too but I quit my job as I could not manage it with my constant sick infant at daycare, lack of flexibility at work and constant deadlines to meet. It stressed me out and left me exhausted. It was not easy to quit as I like working. I wish I had more help but DH and now have decided to do things a bit differently once I return back to the work force. Your post was helpful! Thx

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids and I work an 80% schedule (4 8hr days). My kids are 8, 7, 3, and 15m. I have a nanny share for the baby (nanny splits her time between 2 houses) and the older 3 are in school 8:15-3:30.

I work 6:30-4. DH does mornings and I am home when they get home from school. DH also works full time, often long hours but he has flexibility.

I schedule as many appts as possible for Fridays (my day off) and that's also when I do my errands and other stuff. Nanny works until 12 on Fridays so I am kid-free until then. I even make it to the gym sometimes!

I have a lot of friends who work with 3+ kids. Its hectic but we all seem to manage.

FWIW - I am a federal atty and my DH works in the private sector. I am also able to work from home often which really helps.

How long is your and DH's commute to work? Is your job relatively relaxed or you have a lot of deadlines to meet?

Oops, didn't respond to this before.

I have a steady stream of work that needs to get done and am accountable for my hours and production, but its all doable without much stress (with the exception of recent months where one of my child is having some medical issues and I have been working late nights to keep up). DH is in real estate so he has slower periods and then he has times with crazy deadlines with a big deal is closing (he was on the phone with a client while I was in labor for #4 "its ok, my wife is only 4cm dilated"). Both of us have flexibility and although I am the "default parent", he definitely steps in when he can and takes them to appts, does carpool, etc. He doesn't have any set sick or vacation leave policy, so sometimes its easier for him to take off but if he's not working, he's not making money, so I try to let him work whenever possible.

While we would love to have full-time help to ourselves, our older kids are in a parochial private school so all our money goes to tuition. We have a cleaning person come every other week to do the whole house and when shes not busy with the babies and she's at our house, our nanny folds laundry and does some light cleaning in the kitchen.

Its crazy and hectic and we are involved in other activities, including our synagogue and PTA and our older kids do one extracurricular each season but we love it and couldn't imagine life any other way.

PP here. I am reposting as I posted in the middle of your post.
Thanks for the response. I am an attny too but I quit my job as I could not manage it with my constant sick infant at daycare, lack of flexibility at work and constant deadlines to meet. It stressed me out and left me exhausted. It was not easy to quit as I like working. I wish I had more help but DH and now have decided to do things a bit differently once I return back to the work force. Your post was helpful! Thx

Thankfully, until this past month, all of my children have been healthy. My older 2 were in daycare as babies but rarely got sick and my younger 2 have been in nanny shares where they can still go with minor illnesses. If I have learned anything this past month, its that it is really hard to be the working parent of a sick child.

[Anonymous]

I am a mom to 4 and work full time now, though I took some time off between no. 3 and 4. Husband works full time as well (both of us are lawyers at small firms). My job is not as flexible as my husband's. No outside help of any kind - no family, nanny house cleaner or lawn care, though we had a nanny for about a year but my kids preferred aftercare at school. Things are pretty hectic and crazy when all the after school and sports activities are thrown into the mix but calmed down somewhat once a couple of the kids reached high school and are more independent.

I am very organized at work and at home. I almost never take a lunch break or socialize after work, and we do most of the shopping, cooking and cleaning on the weekends. The kids all help with the cleaning, laundry, lawn and now even some cooking. Yes, our family life/home is more often than not busy and messy but I'm okay with that. I like my job and all four are happy, do very well in school and have learned to be responsible - can't ask for more than that!

[Anonymous]

I am also an executive and mom to 4. In addition to the comments above, I would add that I shop for everything on-line, have groceries delivered by Harris Teeter each Monday, and keep a running spreadsheet of menu planning so the meals for the week are planned out each Sunday. I also use Evernote to keep track of everything so that when I am sitting in a meeting and someone needs to know what week they will be at soccer camp, I can look up the summer camp "note" and respond.

We live in a transit oriented neighborhood and my kids are great at taking the bus and texting me their progress. I also fund their allowances through a debit card program called famzoo so when I need the older ones to run an errand to pick up something for home or school, I can move money to them via the smartphone.

[Anonymous]

I am a program manager and have 5 kids and a working husband who does help out a lot at home. We do have an awesome Au pair but my husband and I both work from home half the time. We shop online a lot and the au pair is also able to help with errands and kids transpiration. I am an extremely hands on mom and my job flexibility fortunately allows for me to be very active in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Both of my best friends from college have 4 kids. They work full time and their husbands do too. For both, wife has the more demanding job (travel for one, long hours for other). They both have an amazing nanny who works 50 hours per week. They outsource a lot- Amazon prime, grocery delivery, lawn service, cleaning lady once a week. Neither has local grandparents but does have one set about 3-4 hours away who come one weekend every 4 or 6 weeks to help with kids so mom and dad can get projects done. One is done with 4 (last one wasn't planned). Other one still wants one or two more! I have 3 and would love 1 or 2 more but can't afford to outsource more so we are done at 3!

[Anonymous]

I only have 2 [e-mail], but could easily handle more, but didn't want to have anymore children after 32.

We have a housekeeper and school aged kids. She comes at noon each day and does all laundry, grocery shopping, meal prep and home organizing. She greets the kids around 3pm from school, makes sure they start their homework and have a healthy snack and some downtime. She then does basic dinner prep and shuttles the kids if needed to any of their practices. I arrive home to a clean, stocked and organized home and put the finishing touches on dinner. Sometimes I even leave my dishes soaking in the sink for her the next day.

I enjoy a relaxing night with lots of free time devoid of chores or errands. I go on bike rides at night with the kids, play card games and even sometimes watch a movie with them on a school night I've never worked my washer and dryer and have not done a major weekly grocery shopping in years. If I had another child, I'd hire a nanny and retain PT housekeeping services.