Disinterested Dad

[Anonymous]

I don't know how anyone with certainty can say what most men are like, one way or another. I bet it's because you have 2 daughters and he can't relate to them. On the plus side, that gives you freedom to shape your girls how you see fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH was involved with DD1 at the early beginning baby phases since she was our first. DD2 came 17 months later. And since then he just doesn't contribute that much except for cooking a meal here and there. He makes time for himself and all his activities, but is so clueless when it comes to the kids. They are 9 snd 10 now, and honestly, they don't seem to care for being with him either. They love him but want limited doses so I guess the feeling is mutual. I am moreso venting because it gets frustrating and has been. It just amazes me how different men and women are. Please don't start blasting about that comment. I know that there are some men out there that don't fit that mold, but the majority do. What makes a man grow up to be not so clueless and selfish?

Because you allowed it.

[Anonymous]

My husband is similar except he tries to show an interest but only in the things he thinks my son should do ( sports). So my son is miserable when my husband d tries to spend time with him. In some ways it was so much easier when my husband barely tried.

[Anonymous]

My DH is super engaged with DS and DD. Always has been. My observation is men either learn it at home from their father or they deliberately choose to act differently. My DH did not learn this at home and he was in military school from 12. He didn't want to be like his father so he's been the opposite - cooks, is engaged with their school, loves sharing history books with DD and cooking with DS. To OP - have you talked about this with DH? Could you be setting your kids up for choosing a husband who acts exactly the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have an extremely unusual situation, OP. Most fathers today are really active in their kids' lives.

What planet are you on???? Troll. You are a guy right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have an extremely unusual situation, OP. Most fathers today are really active in their kids' lives.

What planet are you on???? Troll. You are a guy right?

Not the PP, but I would like to stick up for fathers. In my family, all of the men are engaged dads. I was raised by a single father, one of my brothers is a single father. The other men in my family run the gamut from SAHD to WOHD- but still care about and engage with their children.

I'm sure there are some disinterested fathers out there- but certainly not all or most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have an extremely unusual situation, OP. Most fathers today are really active in their kids' lives.

No. Some fathers are active in their kids lives. More than half are useless when it comes to discipline or child related chores.

You're projecting your own life incorrectly onto the masses. This isn't actually, you know, true.

Yes, this is crazy. Some dads are like that but I think the majority in our culture are more like my DH who is very involved in the kids' lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you have an extremely unusual situation, OP. Most fathers today are really active in their kids' lives.

No. Some fathers are active in their kids lives. More than half are useless when it comes to discipline or child related chores.

You're projecting your own life incorrectly onto the masses. This isn't actually, you know, true.

Cites, please!

Military Mom, Disneyland Dad - there!!

[Amaze0707]

I have two daughters, too, and my dh is pretty much involved in their lives. I wonder if you have talked to your hubby to find out his reasons for keeping himself that way. Hugs to you and your dds!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? My husband is the main parent. Except for nursing, he is better at everything child-related than I am.

+1. Thank goodness my kids have him.

[Anonymous]

We have six fathers in my generation in my/DH's immediate family (i.e., my siblings and his) and every single one of them is very involved in their kids' lives. We both grew up with dads who shouldered a lot of the hands-on nitty-gritty parenting, which helped create the expectation that that's how family life would be.

Judging from my own circle of friends, I do think that working mothers are less likely to end up with an uninvolved dad for a DH. It's that everyday care--diapering, preparing meals, discipline, etc.--that creates closeness. And men who are married to women who work outside the home are just more likely to have to fill those roles. This isn't to say that WOH is inherently better. I wished many times that I could afford to SAH with my babies. But I couldn't, and DH had to learn how to handle childcare in the mornings after I left for work.

[Anonymous]

it's because OP's husband does't have any sisters growing up.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did he say when you asked him about this? Does he want to be closer to them but is not sure how?

(FWIW, I know way more dads who are involved and interested than who aren't, regardless of the gender of the kids, including my DH.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what did he say when you asked him about this? Does he want to be closer to them but is not sure how?

(FWIW, I know way more dads who are involved and interested than who aren't, regardless of the gender of the kids, including my DH.)

That must be why we see so many room dads, volunteer dads, dads at birthday parties, dads at the pool, dads at the park, dads reading to their children, dads doing their homework, dads grocery shopping with their kids, and most of all a dcurbandad.com. Pleeeeeaaaaasssseee people!!! Just be realistic and quit painting a picture that doesn't exist. Just look around. It is no way shape or form 50/50 as far as the majority is concerned. OP's situation is not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

There could be many different issues, OP.

There could be problems with the marriage that you are not aware of. Problems with raising kids, the lack of patience we as parents have with kids sometimes. The ineffective communications we have. And even how women tend to do this/that task because we think the other half is too busy, to stressed or don't know how.
Have you always been the main caretaker?
What do you do with the girls that makes them prefer you over him? What do you do on a daily basis?

For the beginning, I would just say, please take the kids to here/there, and be present. That means he will have to reduce his interests. You have father duty, so go do it.
It's like delegating the task to him.