Affection That Comes With Strings Attached

[littlestarsmum]

Hi there. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, and wish I could give you a hug. I think different people express their affection in different ways. Do you and your husband communicate well with each other? Hope you guys work through this soon and I'll be praying for you. Hugs & prayers!

[Anonymous]

That would bug me, too, OP.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should most definitely bring this topic up during your next counseling session.
Whether he likes it or not.

As a Female myself, such behavior would turn me off to him as well.

I would be annoyed if he always had to cop a feel when showing any type of affection toward you.

[Anonymous]

I had this problem with my XH. No hug was ever just a hug. There was always a grope or pushing his erection into my hip. The same erection that always disappeared later if it wasn't being orally serviced. I had just learned that my grandmother died, and he slid his hand into my skirt top.
Our marriage therapist told him that this was inappropriate and made me feel anxious. We practiced 3 second hugs because he said that's all he could hold out for. But he kept doing it. At the on-gym, he asked for a hug while we were waiting for the doctor to come in and he tried to hump me as I lay on the table in a paper drape. I realized I couldn't have him in the delivery room with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband was never affectionate and would pull away from non-sexual affection. I grew to resent him so badly for it. We didn't have kids so I didn't even want to bother with counseling. It was just like, "you won't kiss me or put your arm around me, but you want me to have sex?" Um, no.

My current fiancé is really affectionate. Kisses hello and goodbye, hugs in the kitchen, holding hands walking around places. It's great.

I just will never understand women who actually marry a man and then pretend they were unaware of what his manner of expressing affection was like prior to marriage.

Perhaps your ex didn't want to engage in affection with you that never would lead to sex. In any event you knew what he was like when you married him. Yet it's all your exes fault.

Now your new guy hugs and kisses you and hold your hand and you seem to think this.means he doesn't really want to have sex with you. That's because he's courting you you moron. Your fiancee actually wants to have sex with you every single time. Cause he's a man. If you get married and you pull this crap a second time don't be surprised if he loses his patience with your games just like the first one did.

Wrong. My ex husband was affectionate before we were married. It died off over the course of the marriage (we got married after less than two years of dating). He became really lazy altogether--maybe he just thought since we were married he didn't have to "try" anymore. My fiancé now, we have been together over two years. I purposely want to wait longer to get married (wedding is not planned until 2018). He's been exactly the same since day 1. You don't have all the facts before commenting, with all due respect.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for the ladies that posted here that think that after marriage there should be no normal affection without turning it into something sexual. Are we no longer entitled to the person we married giving 100% the way they did before marriage. Does marriage give them a free pass somehow from being decent people who can give a hug without boo or as grabbing every time. Sometimes I want emotional attention/connection with my husband that isn't sexual and thank God he is able to give that to me. We are capable of having both ends of the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for the ladies that posted here that think that after marriage there should be no normal affection without turning it into something sexual. Are we no longer entitled to the person we married giving 100% the way they did before marriage. Does marriage give them a free pass somehow from being decent people who can give a hug without boo or as grabbing every time. Sometimes I want emotional attention/connection with my husband that isn't sexual and thank God he is able to give that to me. We are capable of having both ends of the spectrum.