Sister wants my DH to get nephew a job

[Anonymous]

Am I right in thinking nephew was a brat?

No, he's not a brat. He's new to the job hunting world and he made a mistake. That happens when you're young and inexperienced. As to helping again, I think it's a great idea to encourage your nephew to talk with your husband. Why would you hold this mistake against him forever? It's your nephew who seems to have learned his lesson the hard way.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask your DH to send along his resume. I'd also tell your sister that her son needs to send it to your DH.

So the convo would go something like this:

You:
DH will see what he can do, have Larry send him his resume.

Sister:
I can send it.

You:
I really think Larry should be in charge of this step, don't you? If he can't send his own resume, DH might not feel comfortable passing it along again since last time he never followed up. Please let him know he can call or email DH anytime if he has questions.

Then wash your hands of it.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell your sister that her son should speak directly to your DH, and not get involved beyond that advice. If I was your DH, and the nephew owned how he blew the opportunity the first time and seemed to have learned from that experience, I'd probably be sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Am I right in thinking nephew was a brat?

No, he's not a brat. He's new to the job hunting world and he made a mistake. That happens when you're young and inexperienced. As to helping again, I think it's a great idea to encourage your nephew to talk with your husband. Why would you hold this mistake against him forever? It's your nephew who seems to have learned his lesson the hard way.

+1 In OP's case, I'd like to see the nephew himself call the DH and explain that he made a mistake and ask for another shot. We've all made dumb mistakes, but the question is whether this kid realizes he made the mistake and is adult enough to admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's young and made a dumb decision. It's fair to make him reach out of he wants to interview again, because that's the mature thing to do. But you eventually have to write off the first time as him being young and naive.

OP here, that sounds reasonable and fair.

Plenty of mature adults in that boat, too. Hard to remember that the economy is a mere shadow of what it once was....

OP, you sound sort of mean-spirited, like he got what he deserved and you're happy he ended up getting into a dead end, low-paying job. Not nice.

[Anonymous]

He was a brat and yes, he blew his shot. That's what happens. He certainly can ask your DH again but maybe he should be more proactive first. Contact the place closer where he could have worked, send in his resume, then contact DH.

I can't get over people saying they wouldn't drive 45 minutes for a PT job. Out of college, when I was single, I did that after my FT job. It's what I needed to do to get by.

And 45 minutes in the DC area could very easily be a few miles away so it might not even be that big of a distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was a brat and yes, he blew his shot. That's what happens. He certainly can ask your DH again but maybe he should be more proactive first. Contact the place closer where he could have worked, send in his resume, then contact DH.

I can't get over people saying they wouldn't drive 45 minutes for a PT job. Out of college, when I was single, I did that after my FT job. It's what I needed to do to get by.

And 45 minutes in the DC area could very easily be a few miles away so it might not even be that big of a distance.

OP plus, he lives at home rent free so he could have made a PT position work. But he wanted it all, right away.
No doubt he would be so much farther ahead if he took it.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Your husband put himself out there once and the young man did not capitalize on it, which probably made a bad impression on the company. New graduates need to hustle and this guy's two-year hiatus proves it.

The young man has done nothing to earn your husband's recommendation. On the contrary, he blew a chance to prove himself. Now he's got to do it himself.

[Anonymous]

Too bad he didn't take the part time job. It would have given him time to look for a full time position while getting some experience. I am the it's too late for your DH to help. Your DH has a reputation to uphold.

[Anonymous]

He's not hungry enough for me to get involved. 2 yrs? 3 months is a long time. He should have eaten crow 3 months in with no job and asked for help and apologized to your dh himself.

I wouldn't have any side conversations. I'd tell sis larlo can call dh and speak with him himself. If sis gets annoyed by that I'd explore what enabling means to her. Rent free with no job for two years? I wouldn't have a job either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's young and made a dumb decision. It's fair to make him reach out of he wants to interview again, because that's the mature thing to do. But you eventually have to write off the first time as him being young and naive.

Anonymous wrote:
No, he's not a brat. He's new to the job hunting world and he made a mistake. That happens when you're young and inexperienced. As to helping again, I think it's a great idea to encourage your nephew to talk with your husband. Why would you hold this mistake against him forever? It's your nephew who seems to have learned his lesson the hard way.

Young and naive? No. OP says this situation occurred when her nephew finished his business agree, so it's reasonable to guess her was around 21 or 22. People at that age understand the importance of getting a job after graduation. He blew it off due to his own laziness and entitlement, not his age.

The posters who are apologists for the nephew in this thread must be raising irresponsible children who turn into irresponsible adults.

If he simply "made a mistake," he needs to learn from it and stop relying on others who he's behaved disrespectfully toward in the past to continue to do his leg work, two years later.

[Anonymous]

It could also be that the nephew doesn't WANT to work for the same company as his uncle but his mom is trying to steer him in that direction. In college, I worked as a summer employee for the bank my mom worked at and more recently, my sister and I worked for the same company in the same division. It can be pretty stressful knowing that everything you do reflects not only on you but your family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Am I right in thinking nephew was a brat?

No, he's not a brat. He's new to the job hunting world and he made a mistake. That happens when you're young and inexperienced. As to helping again, I think it's a great idea to encourage your nephew to talk with your husband. Why would you hold this mistake against him forever? It's your nephew who seems to have learned his lesson the hard way.

"Hold this mistake against him forever?"

The OP and her husband aren't punishing their nephew by not giving him another leg up that he previously turned down. He is an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could also be that the nephew doesn't WANT to work for the same company as his uncle but his mom is trying to steer him in that direction. In college, I worked as a summer employee for the bank my mom worked at and more recently, my sister and I worked for the same company in the same division. It can be pretty stressful knowing that everything you do reflects not only on you but your family member.

Right?? Seems like a kid smart enough to get a business degree is probably smart enough to ask for a job if he wants one. His mom wants him to get a job with your husband's company - but he's uninterested enough he already turned down one job, and didn't follow up on another one.

I think it's totally fair to let your sister know that her son is more than welcome to reach out to your husband, but that you're going to stay out of it. Let the kid deal with his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could also be that the nephew doesn't WANT to work for the same company as his uncle but his mom is trying to steer him in that direction. In college, I worked as a summer employee for the bank my mom worked at and more recently, my sister and I worked for the same company in the same division. It can be pretty stressful knowing that everything you do reflects not only on you but your family member.

Right?? Seems like a kid smart enough to get a business degree is probably smart enough to ask for a job if he wants one. His mom wants him to get a job with your husband's company - but he's uninterested enough he already turned down one job, and didn't follow up on another one.

I think it's totally fair to let your sister know that her son is more than welcome to reach out to your husband, but that you're going to stay out of it. Let the kid deal with his mom.

Exactly. Saying nephew needs to be the one to reach out will a - make sure nephew is really interested and b - get sister to stay out of it.