Should we discuss our estate with my son in law or just my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter. She can bring in the husband if she wants. You never know what is going on in a marriage. You are leaving money to her, not them.

+1

Yes this. Let her bring him into the conversation if she wants to. The money is for your daughter and the grandchildren, not him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter. She can bring in the husband if she wants. You never know what is going on in a marriage. You are leaving money to her, not them.

+1

Yes this. Let her bring him into the conversation if she wants to. The money is for your daughter and the grandchildren, not him.

+100

[Anonymous]

I think I am in your SIL's position. I just assume the $ will be my spouse's and children's. That's fine with me. I have a very good job and don't feel threatened or intimidated by the money. But I know that's rare. Money, especially as much as you have, can bring out the worst in people.
I'd vote discuss just your daughter first. If she wants to tell her husband, or invite him along for later meetings or more information, then it's her choice.

[Anonymous]

I'd vote to discuss with both or at least offer to. She's going to talk to him about it anyway and proactively inviting him makes him feel like family instead of an outsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter. She can bring in the husband if she wants. You never know what is going on in a marriage. You are leaving money to her, not them.

+1

Absolutely this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter. She can bring in the husband if she wants. You never know what is going on in a marriage. You are leaving money to her, not them.

+1

Absolutely this.

Another +1. I'd prefer you discuss it with both of us. My husband knows my inheritance is solely mine. He fully supports it. I am a SAHM, I generally manage the money as I spend most of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He handles the finances as she is a SAHM. We have four grandchildren but they are all under 15 years old. Yes only child.

You make it sound like she isn't qualified or allowed to handle finances since she isn't contributing to them. Please say this isn't the case

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am in your SIL's position. I just assume the $ will be my spouse's and children's. That's fine with me. I have a very good job and don't feel threatened or intimidated by the money. But I know that's rare. Money, especially as much as you have, can bring out the worst in people.
I'd vote discuss just your daughter first. If she wants to tell her husband, or invite him along for later meetings or more information, then it's her choice.

Are they getting 20 million and is your income over a million a year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He handles the finances as she is a SAHM. We have four grandchildren but they are all under 15 years old. Yes only child.

You make it sound like she isn't qualified or allowed to handle finances since she isn't contributing to them. Please say this isn't the case

And, if it is, then why on earth are you planning to leave her 20 million dollars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter. She can bring in the husband if she wants. You never know what is going on in a marriage. You are leaving money to her, not them.

+1

Yes this. Let her bring him into the conversation if she wants to. The money is for your daughter and the grandchildren, not him.

Lol. This mindset is ridiculous. So his income is for the family but now that she will have her own source of in one it is just for her.

Fuck that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He handles the finances as she is a SAHM. We have four grandchildren but they are all under 15 years old. Yes only child.

If she is a SAHM, it's weird that she doesn't handle the finances.

In my house the men are better with finances, I have a decent portfolio and my wife doesn't have a clue what's going on. She has no interest either. Just wants to spend it.

[Anonymous]

Discuss with your daughter and your estate planning attorney first. That way she can ask questions without her dh there and your attorney can provide advice about keeping inherited assets separate etc. She (and you) can share generalities with her husband but she should be informed about the details. I am very close with my MIL and know all the details of her estate plan (I'm a lawyer so she wanted me to read it). But I don't go to meetings with her estate planning attorney nor do I feel I should be there. Dh, his mom and his unmarried sibling go. It's not my money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter. She can bring in the husband if she wants. You never know what is going on in a marriage. You are leaving money to her, not them.

+1

Yes this. Let her bring him into the conversation if she wants to. The money is for your daughter and the grandchildren, not him.

Lol. This mindset is ridiculous. So his income is for the family but now that she will have her own source of in one it is just for her.

Fuck that.

My husband is ok with that. It will be our situation. He's glad I will hopefully inherent money so he knows I should be ok if something happens to him.

[Anonymous]

Daughter and lawyer first for a few sessions so that she can process it and still able to ask questions in the next meetings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter. She can bring in the husband if she wants. You never know what is going on in a marriage. You are leaving money to her, not them.

+1

Yes this. Let her bring him into the conversation if she wants to. The money is for your daughter and the grandchildren, not him.

Lol. This mindset is ridiculous. So his income is for the family but now that she will have her own source of in one it is just for her.

Fuck that.

I agree. My DH & I are not in this situation, but any money either of us earn or bring in is considered our family money. I can understand why a sum this large may be treated differently though (in case of divorce).