5 year old girl very focused on her looks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from in the south this would be called raising your daughter right. Sure beauty comes from within and all, but everyone is also judged on appearances, women and girls even more so. The sooner she sees this and makes and effort the better, you are preparing her for the real world.

This is a bunch of bull and my mom's from the South.

The concern here is less that she might want to wear dresses or even lip gloss, and more that this is actively interfering with her DOING things. Lest she "get dirty" or whatever. This is coming from somewhere more specific than the general pressure to "look pretty," which is just in the air that we breathe. OP, you need to figure this out.

NP here.

While I disagree that OP needs to leap to figure this out, as if there's something deeply wrong here (I don't see it), I do agree totally that if the girl is starting to avoid doing things she otherwise might do - such as playing outside -- because of appearances, then OP needs to nip that in the bud. OP, I'd just tell her, "I'm glad you want to treat your clothes well. So take that off and put on this outfit to play outside for now." If she balks, make it into "I'm going outside myself and you need to come." Don't make it about "You need to like getting dirty!" or otherwise scolding her for wanting to keep clothes nice. Just be clear that there are times we dress nicely and times we don't.

OP, if your DD liked playing outside or being active previously, and you have seen a real change in her attitudes to the point that, for instance, she's giving up friends because they want to play outside and get dirty, or she used to be really into some activity that she now rejects because it's messy (maybe painting or crafting or a sport or whatever)-- then yes, I'd be more concerned that the focus on looks was interfering too much. But otherwise i'd see it as a phase and not give it too much attention, even negative attention.

And I, myself, likely would "lose" the lip gloss for a while, as in, "Oh, I left that in dad's car and it melted. Let's go do X." Redirect if it's out of hand. Otherwise don't give attention for it.

I am from the South, by the way, and though there was indeed an emphasis on things like dressing nicely for church or wearing appropriate clothes to certain events, there was never the kind of looks-are-your-value junk that a PP claims.

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old only wants to wear white, and managed to have fun at the school picnic and eat a sludgy, runny popsicle WITHOUT GETTING ANYTHING ON HER WHITE DRESS.

I thought this episode would teach her not to wear white. I was proved wrong. She reminded me beforehand where the picnic blanket was, carried it herself, ran around with her older brother, played tag but didn't fall, and ate very delicately with plenty of napkins. A veritable little lady, damn it.

Anyway. Kids will have their foibles. Make sure you convey that focusing on one's appearance has a time and place.

And make the outdoor fun for her.

[Anonymous]

Why are you giving her lip gloss? You are the problem here. Stop giving her beauty products. Stop telling her how cute/adorable/pretty/fancy/whatever she looks. Focus on things like strong/kind/thoughtful/effort/problem solving instead. YOU need to shift her focus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from in the south this would be called raising your daughter right. Sure beauty comes from within and all, but everyone is also judged on appearances, women and girls even more so. The sooner she sees this and makes and effort the better, you are preparing her for the real world.

You make a wonderful wife and mother. Now, can you baby sit my child on Thursday while school is out? I'm actually making money and doing real work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she's just girly!! totally normal and ok.

If you feel that she's influenced by peer group/comments at school, then you can work to counter that.

But, it's completely normal for girls to play dress up, and like lip gloss and want to look pretty (some more than others)

I'm not sure what is "normal" but posting from my grandmother's text book on 1950's normality is making me feel weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from in the south this would be called raising your daughter right. Sure beauty comes from within and all, but everyone is also judged on appearances, women and girls even more so. The sooner she sees this and makes and effort the better, you are preparing her for the real world.

This is a joke post, right? Please tell me you are joking or admit to being a troll. It's 2016.

It's 2016 and women are still judged on appearances, I'm not saying she girls need to focus on only being pretty but acting like it's bad to care about looking good is also not going to do anyone any favors.

Says Brock Turner's mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from in the south this would be called raising your daughter right. Sure beauty comes from within and all, but everyone is also judged on appearances, women and girls even more so. The sooner she sees this and makes and effort the better, you are preparing her for the real world.

You make a wonderful wife and mother. Now, can you baby sit my child on Thursday while school is out? I'm actually making money and doing real work.

Stop with the snark. This is not a SAHM WOHM debate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from in the south this would be called raising your daughter right. Sure beauty comes from within and all, but everyone is also judged on appearances, women and girls even more so. The sooner she sees this and makes and effort the better, you are preparing her for the real world.

You make a wonderful wife and mother. Now, can you baby sit my child on Thursday while school is out? I'm actually making money and doing real work.

I hope you're not wearing makeup or feminine clothes or jewelry while you work, apparently you would be devaluing yourself if you tried to look traditionally feminine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from in the south this would be called raising your daughter right. Sure beauty comes from within and all, but everyone is also judged on appearances, women and girls even more so. The sooner she sees this and makes and effort the better, you are preparing her for the real world.

This is a joke post, right? Please tell me you are joking or admit to being a troll. It's 2016.

It's 2016 and women are still judged on appearances, I'm not saying she girls need to focus on only being pretty but acting like it's bad to care about looking good is also not going to do anyone any favors.

It's 2016 and it's time to change things. How about having some courage and decency to raise a daughter that will not fall into these tired old traps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she's just girly!! totally normal and ok.

If you feel that she's influenced by peer group/comments at school, then you can work to counter that.

But, it's completely normal for girls to play dress up, and like lip gloss and want to look pretty (some more than others)

+1 I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being girly. Agree that she shouldn't derive her sense of self worth from her appearance, but I think it is very normal to want to be pretty, dress up, or be interested in makeup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be a stage, but it's one that I would be quick to cut off. This can lead nowhere positive. Why are you allowing a five year old to wear lip gloss in the first place?

Yes, OP is a monster, raising the next JonBenet Ramsey.

It may be a passing phase, just continue to encourage her in other activities. If not sports then maybe art, music, books, blocks, cooking. No 5 year old is totally lost to the world of superficial beauty just yet.

It all starts with a simple step, like letting five year olds wear makeup on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be a stage, but it's one that I would be quick to cut off. This can lead nowhere positive. Why are you allowing a five year old to wear lip gloss in the first place?

Yes, OP is a monster, raising the next JonBenet Ramsey.

It may be a passing phase, just continue to encourage her in other activities. If not sports then maybe art, music, books, blocks, cooking. No 5 year old is totally lost to the world of superficial beauty just yet.

It all starts with a simple step, like letting five year olds wear makeup on a daily basis.

Omg, it's lip gloss, which is basically just glorified chap stick and barely even qualifies as makeup. Not like the kid is going out with eyeliner, mascara and lipstick on every day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she's just girly!! totally normal and ok.

If you feel that she's influenced by peer group/comments at school, then you can work to counter that.

But, it's completely normal for girls to play dress up, and like lip gloss and want to look pretty (some more than others)

+1 I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being girly. Agree that she shouldn't derive her sense of self worth from her appearance, but I think it is very normal to want to be pretty, dress up, or be interested in makeup.

+2
And agree with a PP about the lip gloss; I'd met money it's probably just cherry Chapstick. No reason to sic the hounds on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where I come from in the south this would be called raising your daughter right. Sure beauty comes from within and all, but everyone is also judged on appearances, women and girls even more so. The sooner she sees this and makes and effort the better, you are preparing her for the real world.

This is a joke post, right? Please tell me you are joking or admit to being a troll. It's 2016.

It's 2016 and women are still judged on appearances, I'm not saying she girls need to focus on only being pretty but acting like it's bad to care about looking good is also not going to do anyone any favors.

It's 2016 and it's time to change things. How about having some courage and decency to raise a daughter that will not fall into these tired old traps.

It's 2016 and people, both men and women, are judged on appearance. How you choose to present yourself to the world matters. It's not the only thing that matters, but it matters.

[Anonymous]

I might try to fill my book shelves with lots of books about girls DOING STUFF, whether it's going out and getting dirty or not. Just *DOING*, and being active, vs. playing a passive pretty princess role. She can put her lipgloss on then go outside in nature and build fairy houses. You can find all kinds of fun nature crafts on pinterest that will spark her imagination. Build fairy houses/fairy gardens, make sun catchers, bird houses, who knows! Just get her out and doing so she is too busy to focus on how she looks all the time. FWIW my 9 year old and her friends still LOVE to play dress up although it is not usually focused on being "pretty," but on acting roles.

Check out http://www.amightygirl.com for book and activity ideas to encourage her to redefine girly in her own way. It's fine to wear lip gloss and be 'pretty" if she wants, but it's really the passivity and judging ourselves and others based on appearance that become problematic.