Hit the year mark TTC and just starting to feel like I am entering the "dark period" - advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry - OP, it wasn't clear from your initial post (or maybe I read too fast) but if you've never carried a pregnancy to term you should get started with ART/RE very soon. Good luck!

OP again - I have a 3 year old and got pregnant easily the first time around. Must have been dumb luck! I'm am very thankful that I do have a child. Sometimes I hesitate to even mention it here because I know it's not the same as struggling to have a first. I can imagine if I were going through this the first time around, I might read a post like mine and think "What is she complaining about? She already has a child." But we feel what we feel I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Hey there OP-

I'm very sorry for your losses and that you are feeling this way. I understand the apprehension to dive in with the RE and perhaps move forward with IVF. But I can also tell you, having been there, that your only regret will be not springing forward with treatment sooner! Yes, losses can be devastating but so can regret from waiting. IVF is actually kind of odd because while, yes, you're super invested in the process, it's also very scientific and you're learning more about your body as you go, so it does feel like progress. Others told me that IVF really is a diagnostic process - there is only so much that pre-testing can tell you, but you really won't know how it will go until you dive in.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey there OP-

I'm very sorry for your losses and that you are feeling this way. I understand the apprehension to dive in with the RE and perhaps move forward with IVF. But I can also tell you, having been there, that your only regret will be not springing forward with treatment sooner! Yes, losses can be devastating but so can regret from waiting. IVF is actually kind of odd because while, yes, you're super invested in the process, it's also very scientific and you're learning more about your body as you go, so it does feel like progress. Others told me that IVF really is a diagnostic process - there is only so much that pre-testing can tell you, but you really won't know how it will go until you dive in.

Best of luck to you.

+1.

Also, this period sucks, but welcome to the best sorority no one ever wanted to belong to. I found great support and info on this board and also Fertility Friend. You aren't alone in any of this and we all have felt the grief of IF---although it manifests itself differently for each of us. I also recommend acupuncture and therapy! And, when you do get to the needle point, if you are spiritual or religious, it helped me to think of every injection as a prayer. Even my agnostic DH got into that one. Take care of yourself during this time and don't be afraid. The bad things have already happened in some sense--the losses and the loss of a tube--so for treatments, don't think too much about it all and just do it.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I logged back on here today to see these two posts - 14:28/15:56 - and I just want to say thank you for the information and the support. I talked to my husband and we've both agreed that we need to go full force on this sooner rather than later. I feel good that we have an appointment and I'm glad people on the board encouraged me to make one. I was feeling so down yesterday and taking some action did make me feel a bit better. Thank you to everyone who responded.

[Anonymous]

If you qualify, I highly recommend a shared risk payment plan. It is pricey, but you get your money back if nothing works. I would have spent almost the cost of the shared risk plan on my IF journey had I been paying a la carte (we did one fresh and one frozen transfer). My FET took and I'm due this month, but the clinic doesn't earn the money until my baby is born. Not sure of the age and test result cutoffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I logged back on here today to see these two posts - 14:28/15:56 - and I just want to say thank you for the information and the support. I talked to my husband and we've both agreed that we need to go full force on this sooner rather than later. I feel good that we have an appointment and I'm glad people on the board encouraged me to make one. I was feeling so down yesterday and taking some action did make me feel a bit better. Thank you to everyone who responded.

OP glad to hear this. My sister, who also struggled with IF though didn't need ART to have kids (her problem was RPL), basically prodded me to go see an RE initially. I was kind of dragging my feet, thinking we'll wait a bit longer, and she more or less hounded me until I made the appointment. Testing quickly revealed MFI as a diagnosis. Not gonna lie, the next couple of years were rough. First, two failed IUIs. Then got up the courage to start IVF/ICSI (with our MFI dx, we should have started there but I wasn't ready). First IVF gave me a BFP, but ended with a miscarriage and D&C we later learned was due to chromosomal issues. Then another failed fresh IVF. Some testing. Then a failed FET. Then a chemical from FET. Then more testing with a new RE. Then surgery for Asherman's. Then a fresh IVF cycle...and, 9 mos later, the birth of my perfect DD. I'm now expecting DS, from a FET using embryos from the cycle that gave us DD. This was our second FET trying for a second; first FET ended in miscarriage.

There were some awful, awful days in the period above. I *never* cry in public, didn't even in office when RE told me embryo had stopped developing, but I bawled uncontrollably for like 20 minutes in front of everyone as I was leaving MedStar where I had my D&C. And I remember frequently starting to cry/get misty-eyed on Metro on the way to work in the morning over the next few months. There were so many times I wanted to give up. I pretty much had given up. I did the last fresh cycle more for DH than myself, since he wasn't ready to move on.

But, I can tell you today that I don't regret a moment of it. And while I obviously don't know how I would have felt if things turned out differently, with hindsight I think that final fresh cycle was, for me, the definition of having tried everything. If I had quit before then, I would have wondered...but I think afterward I would have been able to start the process of moving on. I'm not saying this to push you into treatments, since it's obviously rough. But please do whatever you think you need to do to feel at peace that you've tried everything you could have...and then stop whenever you need to.

[Anonymous]

Happy you have your appointment OP. "Go big or go home" especially when it comes to fertility at your age. I was in your shoes and had two miscarriages and a slew of chemicals. I decided to go big and did supplements, acupuncture, weight loss and a thyroid check. I then did IVF and got pregnant off the FET. It was a big out of pocket expense and while I do have a baby now to show for it, even if I didn't I'm pretty sure I would have been very regretful if I hadn't attempted IVF. Honestly, IVF was not as scary as I was expecting.