male colleague staring at lips

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing harassing or sexual or transgressive in this behavior OP.

OP here.
I understand. I am not planning to make a big issue out of this.
It is only that I have to work with this person on the same project and I am kind of avoiding it.

[Anonymous]

OP, you said "different accent". Is he foreign? Depending on where he's from, his culture may have a preference of not looking directly in someone's eyes - particularly someone of the opposite sex. I don't think he's staring at your upper lip, which you seem to be a little sensitive about.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is reading your lips while you speak, or has to watch them to follow your speech patterns. I had a colleague who had hearing loss from the Navy and couldn't hear the pitch level in women's voices so he did a lot of lip reading. Also, if English is his second language, perhaps he is staring at your lips to follow your words better. It is probably nothing personal. Or he could avoid looking at people's eyes because of a social issue. I don't think he's looking at you in any demeaning or sexual way. You could always ask him.

[Anonymous]

Please don't complain about being sexually harassed.

I agree with the poster above.

[Anonymous]

During a long face-to-face meeting, I find myself not knowing where to look. Holding eye contact for that length of time feels a bit too intenser, so I vary it by looking at the speaker's mouth, which makes it easy to concentrate on what he or she is saying. Then I look at the nose, or the hair, or I look at my notes and fiddle with my pen, or I write more than i intend to, just to give myself something to do.

I'm a woman.
If I were a man, I hope you wouldn't immediately jump to the wrong conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A) is there anything unusual about your lips.
B) maybe he doesn't like looking people in the eyes, I don't
C) does he do this with other people or just you?

I have hairy upper lip.

Did you post this OP? An unusually hairy lip on women is distracting, and I say that as a woman. There is one colleague who has the most hair I've ever seen on a woman and while I respect her decision to leave it there, I definitely notice it as one of her most prominent features. I compel myself not to stare, but perhaps if your coworker if from a country where staring isn't considered as rude as it is here, then he's not stopping himself and doesn't think it's an issue.

[Anonymous]

I read here that they focus on lip due to ADHD issues or could be doing that so they don't fall asleep at meetings. You be suprised how many people having hard time keeping awake at meetings.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
Thanks everyone for inputs. I was not planning on complaining.
It feels good to discuss this as it was bothering me.
I usually do not jump to conclusions. but have seen many people who jump to conclusions and its sad when people misunderstand or conclude the wrong meaning.

[Anonymous]

Call the police.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have ADD and have a really bard time making eye contact for more than two minutes. After that I get nervous and my eyes start wandering. I try really hard to focus but at some point I can't even hear what the other person is saying because I'm trying so hard.

[Anonymous]

Please report him for sexual harrasment. What he is doing is very inappropriate. He has no right to make you feel uncomfortable. Your feelings of safety are being violated when he looks at your lips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please report him for sexual harrasment. What he is doing is very inappropriate. He has no right to make you feel uncomfortable. Your feelings of safety are being violated when he looks at your lips.

You have no idea what sexual harassment is. Sexual harassment is frequent, severe, and pervasive, and from both an objective and subjective viewpoint, consists of behavior that changes the victim's working environment and renders it hostile and offensive.

Please explain how looking at someone's lips when they are speaking does ANY of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please report him for sexual harrasment. What he is doing is very inappropriate. He has no right to make you feel uncomfortable. Your feelings of safety are being violated when he looks at your lips.

You have no idea what sexual harassment is. Sexual harassment is frequent, severe, and pervasive, and from both an objective and subjective viewpoint, consists of behavior that changes the victim's working environment and renders it hostile and offensive.

Please explain how looking at someone's lips when they are speaking does ANY of those things.

the pp you're responding to obviously was being facetious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please report him for sexual harrasment. What he is doing is very inappropriate. He has no right to make you feel uncomfortable. Your feelings of safety are being violated when he looks at your lips.

You have no idea what sexual harassment is. Sexual harassment is frequent, severe, and pervasive, and from both an objective and subjective viewpoint, consists of behavior that changes the victim's working environment and renders it hostile and offensive.

Please explain how looking at someone's lips when they are speaking does ANY of those things.

the pp you're responding to obviously was being facetious.

I wouldn't be so sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A) is there anything unusual about your lips.
B) maybe he doesn't like looking people in the eyes, I don't
C) does he do this with other people or just you?

I have hairy upper lip.

You clearly are self conscious about that. Why not get that taken care of? It probably has nothing to do with where he's looking, but you have blown that part of it up in your head.