Let's have the abortion talk here. Right here. This thread.

[Anonymous]

I was adopted. My biological parents were in college when they had me. I don't know how/why they made the decision they did.

I am pro-choice.

I have take the "Morning After" pill.

Would I ever have an abortion? I don't know. It all depends on the circumstances.

In all honesty, though, I hope that I am never faced with that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never in my life have one. Especially since I am now a mother.

I don't care if another woman has one. It's her choice, her decision, her ethics and morals, not mine.

I have to admit that I do judge woman who have had multiple abortions, mostly because I think they should find another form of birthcontrol.

Five out of the seven women I know had them, have serious regrets. They all said it was too easy to get one done, and there wasn't the support after to help them cope. My other two friends had no regrets at all, and are quite happy with their choices, but still wish there was something more for them afterwards.

You know it sucks that those five women have regrets and furthermore, weren't able to get any support afterwards. I think there are now a few groups out there that do offer non-judgemental post-abortion support.

Re: multiple abortions and feeling judgemental, I try and remember that a woman's fertile years are LONG. Like, forty years long. Personally, I had two abortions fourteen years apart. The first time I was sixteen. Did I feel incredibly stupid the second time? You betcha. Did I make the right decision? For me, I did. I don't know that I would call accessing an abortion easy. That said, it sounds like it really wasn't the right decision for some of your friends, and that is very sad.

[Anonymous]

I wonder. I wonder every once in a while who that would have been. But it's not the same feeling as regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder. I wonder every once in a while who that would have been. But it's not the same feeling as regret.

Do you ever wish you had felt you had better options?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder. I wonder every once in a while who that would have been. But it's not the same feeling as regret.

Do you ever wish you had felt you had better options?

Hm... It's not exactly a yes or no answer. I wish to high heaven the circumstances had been different. I wish the morning after pill had been around. I wish I had enough stability at the time to even think about other choices.

I also think I really grew from the experience and gained a lot of insight. I became less judgemental, more humble, braver in some ways, more vocal. I'm the sum of my parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never in my life have one. Especially since I am now a mother.

I don't care if another woman has one. It's her choice, her decision, her ethics and morals, not mine.

I have to admit that I do judge woman who have had multiple abortions, mostly because I think they should find another form of birthcontrol.

Five out of the seven women I know had them, have serious regrets. They all said it was too easy to get one done, and there wasn't the support after to help them cope. My other two friends had no regrets at all, and are quite happy with their choices, but still wish there was something more for them afterwards.

You know it sucks that those five women have regrets and furthermore, weren't able to get any support afterwards. I think there are now a few groups out there that do offer non-judgemental post-abortion support.

Re: multiple abortions and feeling judgemental, I try and remember that a woman's fertile years are LONG. Like, forty years long. Personally, I had two abortions fourteen years apart. The first time I was sixteen. Did I feel incredibly stupid the second time? You betcha. Did I make the right decision? For me, I did. I don't know that I would call accessing an abortion easy. That said, it sounds like it really wasn't the right decision for some of your friends, and that is very sad.

I don't mean two, maybe even three. I mean woman who have several abortions, in a much shorter time frame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder. I wonder every once in a while who that would have been. But it's not the same feeling as regret.

Do you ever wish you had felt you had better options?

Hm... It's not exactly a yes or no answer. I wish to high heaven the circumstances had been different. I wish the morning after pill had been around. I wish I had enough stability at the time to even think about other choices.

I also think I really grew from the experience and gained a lot of insight. I became less judgemental, more humble, braver in some ways, more vocal. I'm the sum of my parts.

Since you are here I take it that you now have children. What are you hoping might be different for your own daughter (or son) so she (or he) doesn't have to have the experience of abortion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean two, maybe even three. I mean woman who have several abortions, in a much shorter time frame.

I'm not going to try and talk you out of a gut-reaction. We all snap to judgement about a variety of things. I snap to judge even when I intellectually know that I shouldn't and know that I have no idea what's going on in another person's life. Would it be different if I had had them two years apart instead of fourteen? Would it be different if I had had the first one at 35? And I know you're not talking about me personally. I'm genuinely curious. I'm interested in where the line is for people. I'm not sure where it is for me. I am very much of a mind that making that call in any sort of policy sense is a slippery slope, but I know there are things that make me cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Since you are here I take it that you now have children. What are you hoping might be different for your own daughter (or son) so she (or he) doesn't have to have the experience of abortion?

An openess about and healthier sense of sexuality, a better sense of self worth (enough to insist on a condom, enough to take care of their bodies), better access to safe affordable birth control. Financial and familial stability.

[Anonymous]

...and believe you me, I'm doing my best to foster the above.

[Anonymous]

I've had two abortions. No regrets. First time I was on the pill, and second time on the pill too, but had missed a day. Guess I'm pretty fertile. Have two young children now (and both times got pregnant as soon as I decided I wanted to fall pregnant).

Every once in a while I think about the fact that I could have a child who would be 12 by now, but never think about how he/she might have looked like or been like. Just don't think about it much at all. I was 2 months pregnant both times I had the abortion. Can't say either of them affected me emotionally: i.e., I didn't cry or want to cry, and didn't feel like I had lost a life. To me it was just some organic matter that had been scraped from the insides of my body.

At the time I told my family and my friends about it, and my boyfriend's family (both abortions were with the same guy when I was in my early 20s - at a time when I still very much felt like a baby myself; a student at college, living at home etc).

These days I will tell people about it, though those people I tell are usually women, and women I feel will not judge me.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to add to my above post, I didn't have a religious upbringing, and maybe that has something to do with my lack of guilt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder. I wonder every once in a while who that would have been. But it's not the same feeling as regret.

I don't allow myself to wonder. I had 2 abortions, almost 20 years apart. The second one was within the last year, and I am over 40. Sitting in the crowded waiting room with 20-30 other women was really strange. Despite the obvious differences between the various people waiting that day, none of us got pregnant on purpose, none of us got pregnant through immaculate conception, and yet we individually bore the consequences--even if a guy was there to support a woman, he wasn't the one getting his insides scraped out and checking his sanitary pad for hemorraging in the ensuing days.

I have 2 healthy, beautiful, amazing children, and when they are adults I imagine I will tell them about the two abortions and let them judge me. Without a doubt I will always grieve for both abortions.

[Anonymous]

I'm 22:33. I didn't feel guilty, either, just to clarify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and believe you me, I'm doing my best to foster the above.

What do you feel are some of the most important ways to do this?