MIL makes snarky comments re DD's use of words in my native language

[Anonymous]

does she like you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My native language is not English.

DD is 19 months old and calls me "mother" in my native language and sometimes calls DH "father" in my native language. DD has some other "words" or sounds that are attempts at words in my native language.

Every time DD makes these sounds or "says" these "words," MIL makes a snarky comment like, "I have no idea what you're trying to say?" Or "I don't like it when I can't understand you." Or "no, not [native language word], [English word]." Or "What does that mean?!" (after DH and I have told her 10 times what it means).

MIL is otherwise a very nice (but very ethnocentric and a bit close-minded) woman. I've asked her why it upsets her when DD uses words in my native language and she says she doesn't like it because she can't understand it. I get that but I don't want her correcting DD each time.

Any ideas?

Teach DD to call MIL "go fuck yourself" in your native language.

YES!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you want your child to be bilingual.

This!!!

And you should want your child to be bilingual

Bilingual person here, whose mother spoke her native language at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you want your child to be bilingual.

+1.

And add that, if she doesn't respect your wishes and your DD's wellbeing, she will unfortunately not be welcome to visit you.

[Anonymous]

Don't even get me started.

We call our son Sasha, and English speakers give me funny looks when they find out it's a nickname for Alexander. You won't believe it, but my SIL has a problem with it. What if the poor child learns his "Russian" name, and a teacher at school calls him by his "English" name? The horror. She makes me want to smack her, but what do I know. I'm just a drunken savage after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your MIL that if your toddler can learn the words, then she can, too. Remind her that her granddaughter is half [whatever nationality/ethnicity you are] and you're sure she wouldn't want to give your DD an inferiority complex or something. When she "corrects" your daughter, immediately swoop in and nip that in the bud. When she tells your daughter that she can't understand, then say in a playful tone "grandma is so silly! She knows that [whatever word] means [English equivalent]!"

This. Over and over and over again.

Disagree. I don't think it's being silly; it's being rude. I like suggestion of the PP who said make a list for the MIL of words toddler uses in OP's language. My preference is to encourage learning rather than to encourage thinking that pretending not to understand or looking down on other languages is silly.

Of course, it's rude. However, the suggested response is a way to correct another adult in front of a child without starting World War III.

[Anonymous]

Since it seems they have already addressed this with her the next time you catch her correcting your child you can say " please don't correct my child when he spraks in my native language. It's confusing to him and I'm raising him to be bilingual. " I would say it in a polite but firm tone .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't even get me started.

We call our son Sasha, and English speakers give me funny looks when they find out it's a nickname for Alexander. You won't believe it, but my SIL has a problem with it. What if the poor child learns his "Russian" name, and a teacher at school calls him by his "English" name? The horror. She makes me want to smack her, but what do I know. I'm just a drunken savage after all.

Your SIL is eye-rollingly stupid.

My very American, English speaking, been here since before the American revolution family always has nicknames. If a kid's name is "Grace Elizabeth," she is probably going to be "Ellie" or "Lizzie" at home and "Grace" at school. It never causes any confusion.

BTW, I love "Sasha" as a nickname.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't even get me started.

We call our son Sasha, and English speakers give me funny looks when they find out it's a nickname for Alexander. You won't believe it, but my SIL has a problem with it. What if the poor child learns his "Russian" name, and a teacher at school calls him by his "English" name? The horror. She makes me want to smack her, but what do I know. I'm just a drunken savage after all.

Your SIL is eye-rollingly stupid.

My very American, English speaking, been here since before the American revolution family always has nicknames. If a kid's name is "Grace Elizabeth," she is probably going to be "Ellie" or "Lizzie" at home and "Grace" at school. It never causes any confusion.

BTW, I love "Sasha" as a nickname.

Thanks! My SIL is something else. She's an odd one out though, because all DH's cousins are pretty cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Since it seems they have already addressed this with her the next time you catch her correcting your child you can say " please don't correct my child when he spraks in my native language. It's confusing to him and I'm raising him to be bilingual. " I would say it in a polite but firm tone .

This repeat as necessary.

Also possibly add with a laugh, in your native language, to your DD: "MIL is SO silly! Isn't she? LOL. We are just going to keep learning our language aren't we? Yes we are!" rattle on for a minute till you get a big smile out of your DD. Then smile and go on with your day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Since it seems they have already addressed this with her the next time you catch her correcting your child you can say " please don't correct my child when he spraks in my native language. It's confusing to him and I'm raising him to be bilingual. " I would say it in a polite but firm tone .

This, but also have your DH address this with her directly. It's not going to get better if you intend to share other aspects of your culture/heritage with your child. My MIL says things that are clueless, but she doesn't actively try to undermine my sharing my ethnic culture with DD...and it's still annoying and can be confusing to DD (e.g. DD now seems to be confused on the correct pronunciation of her name). Since you MIL is clearly undermining your attempts to share your culture with your child, you need to be more proactive/direct in saying it's unacceptable and possibly limiting visits until she agrees. It may seem minor now, but what's she's also doing is reaffirming the differences between your child and other children, and doing it in a way that paints them as negative instead of positive. This can be both confusing and destructive to your child's self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are so much nicer about this than I would be. I'd be livid! Tell your husband (though he should know without being told) how hurtful this is and insist he put a stop to it or limit exposure to her.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is a dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't even get me started.

We call our son Sasha, and English speakers give me funny looks when they find out it's a nickname for Alexander. You won't believe it, but my SIL has a problem with it. What if the poor child learns his "Russian" name, and a teacher at school calls him by his "English" name? The horror. She makes me want to smack her, but what do I know. I'm just a drunken savage after all.

Your SIL is eye-rollingly stupid.

My very American, English speaking, been here since before the American revolution family always has nicknames. If a kid's name is "Grace Elizabeth," she is probably going to be "Ellie" or "Lizzie" at home and "Grace" at school. It never causes any confusion.

BTW, I love "Sasha" as a nickname.

So funny! My daughter has a nickname from another language. Not only does it not confuse her to be called one name at home and another name at school, she has at least three different nicknames at school. She's three, and this does not confuse her in the slightest. Your SIL is a moron.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is a piece of work. I bet she's super vanilla WASPy.

Mine always corrects the ethnic people on TV when they say part of a name or phrase with their accent. It's so annoying but also a bit funny because it really does anger her. So irrational! "Your name is gone-zal-ehs, Erika!" to NBC4's Erika Gonzalez. Don't even get her started on the way Giada De Laurentiis pronounces spaghetti. Lawwwd.