Would you move to be closer to family?

[Anonymous]

I would do it in a second if I got along with my family better, or with DH's. We would love to be closer to family to have some help, but every time our families visit, we are reminded how it could make us crazy to live closer to either side...I would think that all of the rest of your concerns might become secondary if you had people close to you that are important. There are a lot of things here that aren't ideal for us, but we stay because we have a great network, even though its not blood relations.

[Anonymous]

We have been seriously contemplating this for about 6 months now. DC is getting older, we have another one on the way, and we have no family out here. We both grew up in close-knit families and I very much want my children to be close to their relatives, but DH's family has changed a lot and they are all pretty awful to be around. That is the main obstacle to us moving back -- can we stand to be closer to DH's family? I would love to be closer to my family, but it comes at a cost since our families live in the same area. If DH's family weren't an issue, we would've made the move months ago.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in your situation I would absolutely move. We moved back to the DC area because of family so that's my priority.

[Anonymous]

If your job options are decent I'd go in a heartbeat. Grew up in a similar environment as you and that family time was such a special part of my childhood, and really hope to give our kids the same.

[Anonymous]

I echo the PP above to think carefully about what role you see your family--and particularly grandparents--playing in your kids' and your lives. What does a "more active role" in your child's life look like? Does that square with what you want? What if they get sick (heaven forbid)? etc.

I think a lot of people romanticize what having family close by will look like, when the reality is more complicated. My mom was very excited to help us with childcare, then my younger sister acted up and mom had to keep working FT to help support her and her kids. And then she was able to watch our kids one day/week, but then she had surgery and after that found out she has cancer. She's better, thankfully, but the idea that having local grandparents = free, on-demand, outstanding childcare doesn't always pan out. I'm not saying that's what you expect, OP, more that it's worth considering what you want things to look like, and whether that's realistic.

And don't get me wrong: it's wonderful in a pinch that my mom can help with certain things, and I'm grateful for the relationship she has with my kids.

[Anonymous]

I have a nice family of origin, but every time I lived anywhere in their proximity, they found a way to disappoint me. Make sure you are not idealizing family just because they're not around much. The majority of families prove to be a major PITA when it comes down to the daily grind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved to CA to get away from family.

My sister moved to San Diego to get away from family and a nasty ex.

She has never returned. If we want to see her and her DS, we have to travel to her.

[Anonymous]

How well do you get along with your family? Do they like your DH and child? And vice versa. Have you visited each other often or once a year. Do the kids get along? Do you talk personal things to your sister and family.

I would only move if you are close, otherwise, it's a struggle with the relationships and making new friends.

[Anonymous]

I'm also a displaced Californian -- western Bay Area -- but we have decided not to move. It makes me (and my parents!) really sad but the high cost of living / housing, and the school situation, makes it a difficult sell. I am a fed and there are not a lot of CA jobs in my field; there are quite a few in DH's field but he doesn't really want to move so it's hard to get him excited about those options. The housing stock is pretty bad by comparison, and the traffic is no better than here.

The big difference between me and you, though, is that DH's family moved here to be near us when we had kids. It's not the same as having my own parents nearby, but we do have help. If we had no help we might be more open to the move.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Do it now before your husband changes his mind.

[Anonymous]

DW and I have jobs that would be hard to replicate elsewhere, but I would love my inlaws to live closer and would be very happy to buy a duplex or two apartments in the same building or something to make that happen. They hate DC traffic (they lived here for a few years) so it seems unlikely until they can no longer live independently.