What would you do if you found out your spouse lied about having a college degree?

[Anonymous]

My now husband let me assume that he has his degree for the first several months we dated. It was a pretty big shock when he came clean about it. It was one of those cases where he was just missing one class. It took a couple of tries for him to sign up for the class and finish it, but he eventually graduated about a decade after he should have.

Since he never actually lied about it, I wasn't all that mad about it, more just really surprised that it hadn't been more of an issue for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. Did the spouse go to college at all-it would be more understandable to me if the person was close to finishing, but never got those last credits. In any case, I would strongly encourage my spouse to take the necessary steps to actually get the degree.

OP here. I think this is the case. He was definitely taking night classes but I just have a hunch he never finished even though he said he did. I've submitted a formal degree search but it will take a few days because it was back in the early 90's. We've been together a long time. There's no evidence of other lying and it's not something I'd leave him over.

Then why the formal degree search?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. Did the spouse go to college at all-it would be more understandable to me if the person was close to finishing, but never got those last credits. In any case, I would strongly encourage my spouse to take the necessary steps to actually get the degree.

OP here. I think this is the case. He was definitely taking night classes but I just have a hunch he never finished even though he said he did. I've submitted a formal degree search but it will take a few days because it was back in the early 90's. We've been together a long time. There's no evidence of other lying and it's not something I'd leave him over.

Then why the formal degree search?

Yes. I'm not understanding this. Your title gives the impression that he lied, but here you are not certain. Just have a hunch, and instead of having a normal conversation about it with your husband you go behind his back and conduct a formal degree search.

This will not end well no matter the results of the search.

[Anonymous]

PP to answer question. Assuming his job was one that didn't require a degree,I don't think I would do anything ,maybe encourage him to go back and finish if it's what he wanted. I'm also not obsessed with a guy having a degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people will actually lie about this? Is it really that serious?

In DCUM land it is. There are people who won't date someone without an advanced degree. I can picture a scenario where OP's husband as very much into her and knew she was all about the degrees. He hadn't earned one yet but was maybe a few classes short, so he told her he was in night school to stop the questioning and to keep seeing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe people will actually lie about this? Is it really that serious?

In DCUM land it is. There are people who won't date someone without an advanced degree. I can picture a scenario where OP's husband as very much into her and knew she was all about the degrees. He hadn't earned one yet but was maybe a few classes short, so he told her he was in night school to stop the questioning and to keep seeing her.

I know people that have got married in the DC area and one doesn't have a degree or near having one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now husband let me assume that he has his degree for the first several months we dated. It was a pretty big shock when he came clean about it. It was one of those cases where he was just missing one class. It took a couple of tries for him to sign up for the class and finish it, but he eventually graduated about a decade after he should have.

Since he never actually lied about it, I wasn't all that mad about it, more just really surprised that it hadn't been more of an issue for him.

This happens more often than you think. I think part of the lying is due to embarrassment. The idea that "everyone else" got it done but I fcked up.

[Anonymous]

I'm having problems with the OP. It's one thing to be blindsided by a lie, but to present an unknown as a lie is disingenuous. She knows he probably has a degree but she wants to catch him in a lie. I hope your husband divorces you when he realizes how poorly you think of him.

[Anonymous]

OP, why is this coming up now? What prompted you to do the degree search? Um, and what exactly is a formal degree search?

[Anonymous]

I think people an be very embarrassed that they don't have a degree. If this is the only thing he's lied about it I would approach him in slicing way and say I love you no matter what. If it's a string of lies, I would worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why is this coming up now? What prompted you to do the degree search? Um, and what exactly is a formal degree search?

If you contact a legitimate school asking if a person really went there, they will send you to a research company that charges a nominal fee to verify the degree. Most schools do it this way. You can't just call and ask if Joe Schmoe attended.

[Anonymous]

I lied to my now wife when we were dating and even engaged about having a college degree. There is no good reason, I just have naturally low self-esteem and worried it would have caused her to have no interest from the start.

I was eventually called out, which was obviously bound to happen at some point.

I mean really? Looking back on it how F'ed and low do you have to feel about yourself? Not to mention the ultimate damage you can do to the other person. Reality is I sold myself short, as I should have been looking for that person that was ok with me and who I was and where I came from. Plenty of people are successful in life without a degree.

I just was not confident enough, and truth be told she was the first person I had ever even lied to in such a way. Wasn't worth it for either of us. I lost more than I gained in the long run, as she was a great person when I met her and probably would have given me a chance anyway.

Now regarding the OP? I still don't understand. Are you worried about him lying to you about this? Or just the prospective employer? I would confront him before doing any behind the back searches.

[Anonymous]

I found out my H. lied about which degree he had (doctorate). He had a doctorate - just not in the subject he claimed. This came out after several years. He is extremely smart, so it was baffling. I found later that he lies about everything, even when there is no clear gain or even when the truth is a better story. Sociopath? I don't think so. he doesn't take pleasure in causing other people pain.

[Anonymous]

OP (and others) is it the lie or the education that bothers you most? I went to m man's Ph.D oral examination. We all had a great party afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out my H. lied about which degree he had (doctorate). He had a doctorate - just not in the subject he claimed. This came out after several years. He is extremely smart, so it was baffling. I found later that he lies about everything, even when there is no clear gain or even when the truth is a better story. Sociopath? I don't think so. he doesn't take pleasure in causing other people pain.

That's a sadist, not a sociopath.