Houseguests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She can't afford a hotel and work is not paying per diem or anything for her trips. They expected her to move already.

Then she needs to stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. She needed a place to stay, you provided it, she then pretty quickly started demanding more. She can either deal with the fact that she needs to move her family out here if she wants to see them or give up the job. What she's asking of you isn't reasonable.

+1000 It took a lot of courage for you to put your foot down. You did the right thing! Chances are that she took this job knowing that she would be inviting her family to stay at your home for extended stays since she has not officially "relocated" yet.

Some people deliberately withhold "the whole picture" and instead give it to you in pieces; she took advantage of your kindness.

Fortunately, you established some boundaries unlike a lot of other people who would reluctantly allow the extended stays by her family but then be miserable about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She can't afford a hotel and work is not paying per diem or anything for her trips. They expected her to move already.

As well they should.

Then she will be away from her family until they get their life in order. Absolutely ridiculous to expect you to host them for 3 weeks at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister started having lots of trips to DC for work, so she started staying with DH and I instead of a hotel. She is paying us, but only a few hundred dollars and the arrangement is pretty temporary. We enjoy her staying with us and don’t mind that at all. Her work here in DC has gotten increasingly busy and she’s not able to go home to her family often now and wants them to come stay at my place during spring breaks, summer and long weeks. While we love our nephews (preschool age) and BIL a lot, it’s too much. We don’t have kids and when they leave, DH and I are exhausted and the house is pretty wrecked. Last time they came for 3 weeks. I think the major thing is that they’re no longer “guests” but that we have no say over anything really. They do take over our house, kitchen, the washer/dryer and our only TV.

So we said no more, but now everyone is upset at us and we feel like we’re preventing my sister from seeing her family. While this has nothing to do with money, DH and I have really sacrificed to have our nice sfh here and we pay a lot to live in it and enjoy it. Were we wrong for setting limits? I’m really feeling like the bad guy here.

To me, this is the crux of the problem. You have people taking over your home, leaving a mess, and not acting like guests anymore. I'd tell your sister that you're fine with a long weekend now and then, but three weeks is just too long. You don't need to give her a bunch of excuses and explanations. Give her a list of nearby hotels with suites for her family to stay in.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is using your hospitality to make an unsustainable situation sustainable. She needs to fix either her job or living location. Maintaining the current arrangement won't work without you (and your family) as the glue to hold it all together and that's not fair to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She can't afford a hotel and work is not paying per diem or anything for her trips. They expected her to move already.

Well then yeah, she needs to just do it already. An occasional weekend is one thing, but the whole family for 3 weeks is being a bad houseguest. I agree with you OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She can't afford a hotel and work is not paying per diem or anything for her trips. They expected her to move already.

Just to clarify, even if there is no per diem, companies pay for expenses. In this case, a hotel room and meals would be covered. Why is this not happening?

And if your sister's job had expected her to move already, do they pay for this move or do the employees pay for their move? Usually companies pay for the entire move and employee is responsible for the sale and purchase of real estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She can't afford a hotel and work is not paying per diem or anything for her trips. They expected her to move already.

Just to clarify, even if there is no per diem, companies pay for expenses. In this case, a hotel room and meals would be covered. Why is this not happening?

And if your sister's job had expected her to move already, do they pay for this move or do the employees pay for their move? Usually companies pay for the entire move and employee is responsible for the sale and purchase of real estate.

Not all jobs pay for relocation. If I decided to apply for a job in Kentucky, and I got the job, I don't imagine they would be putting me up in a hotel all week, or paying for me to move to Kentucky.

[Anonymous]

OP you did the right thing, and it's nice of you to allow your sister to stay with you for so long.

It it completely unreasonable for them to refuse to rent an apartment for a few weeks, and then blame you for their separation. It's called AirBnB and it's usually not that expensive.

[Anonymous]

Does your BIL work? I'm a bit confused as to what's happening. Is she supposed to be relocating to DC? Why hasn't the move happenned yet? Hosting the whole family for weeks at a time is unsustainable. What is her plan going forward? Is she expecting you guys to keep hosting them for months?

[Anonymous]

How long is this arrangement supposed to go on? In other words, when is your sister and her family going to move to DC? If it's just another 3-week stint or two, I might agree to it with the clear understanding of an end date. And/or could you say, "We love you guys a lot, but three weeks with little kids is a lot for childless people." Also, could you and your husband take a trip out of town in conjunction with one of the visits, so there's less time together? Could you explain that cleaning up and being more quiet (or whatever) would make things easier?

[Anonymous]

^Meant to say could you offer 2-week stints instead of 3 weeks? Are the kids not in school??

[Anonymous]

Three weeks is overkill. You need to tell her you are stressed and having everyone staying with you is not working.

She needs to fly or drive home to see her family.

Stay firm. It will pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She can't afford a hotel and work is not paying per diem or anything for her trips. They expected her to move already.

Just to clarify, even if there is no per diem, companies pay for expenses. In this case, a hotel room and meals would be covered. Why is this not happening?

And if your sister's job had expected her to move already, do they pay for this move or do the employees pay for their move? Usually companies pay for the entire move and employee is responsible for the sale and purchase of real estate.

Not all companies pay and the firm probably thought her family would be moved in already. Not the op.