Houseguests

[Anonymous]

My sister started having lots of trips to DC for work, so she started staying with DH and I instead of a hotel. She is paying us, but only a few hundred dollars and the arrangement is pretty temporary. We enjoy her staying with us and don’t mind that at all. Her work here in DC has gotten increasingly busy and she’s not able to go home to her family often now and wants them to come stay at my place during spring breaks, summer and long weeks. While we love our nephews (preschool age) and BIL a lot, it’s too much. We don’t have kids and when they leave, DH and I are exhausted and the house is pretty wrecked. Last time they came for 3 weeks. I think the major thing is that they’re no longer “guests” but that we have no say over anything really. They do take over our house, kitchen, the washer/dryer and our only TV.

So we said no more, but now everyone is upset at us and we feel like we’re preventing my sister from seeing her family. While this has nothing to do with money, DH and I have really sacrificed to have our nice sfh here and we pay a lot to live in it and enjoy it. Were we wrong for setting limits? I’m really feeling like the bad guy here.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is taking advantage of you. It's one thing to have the whole family for a long weekend occasionally but what she's asking is unreasonable. They should get a hotel room with a kitchen or a similar set up. Don't feel bad. They are just unhappy that you essentially called them out for being rude and they're licking their wounds so to speak.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't your sister's employer paying for her lodging if she's out here for work? And also for her family to come and stay if she really truly cannot get back home? I can see why it might be nice to stay with you a few times to visit and catch up while she's in town, but having her family stay with you guys for extended periods of time is way too much. You are not the bad guy here. That is a LOT to ask of a family member. If your sister wants to see her family more while she's out here for work, it sounds like she should take it up with her employer instead of relying on you to rearrange your lives to make it possible. It's her issue, not yours. Sorry you've been put in this situation, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I just feel awful about it. I'm sure she cried about it and was upset. She wants her family to move out here, but they can't just yet. I think she underestimates how much work her kids are because she's used to it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people say "no" to something and sometimes people get upset.

[Anonymous]

Don't be so hard on yourself, it's hard having guests--especially family.

[Anonymous]

Your sister isn't trying to be a houseguest-she's trying to use your house as a second home for her and her family here in DC! And of course you're not preventing her from seeing her family, her job is. I'm assuming if she's paying you to stay with you that her company is paying for her lodging, so they can just as easily pay for a hotel. I can't imagine asking someone for my whole family to stay at their house for such long periods of time, for so often, even my sister.

[Anonymous]

You are not preventing your sister from seeing her family. Her work choices are preventing her from seeing her family. I'd point that out to her, once.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm unsure why she doesn't get a hotel for those visits. I understand your point of view. Their situation sucks. you don't suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister isn't trying to be a houseguest-she's trying to use your house as a second home for her and her family here in DC! And of course you're not preventing her from seeing her family, her job is. I'm assuming if she's paying you to stay with you that her company is paying for her lodging, so they can just as easily pay for a hotel. I can't imagine asking someone for my whole family to stay at their house for such long periods of time, for so often, even my sister.

This! Now that you and she have had ample time to catch up, she should be staying in a hotel on most if not all of these trips. Enough already!

[Anonymous]

OP here. She can't afford a hotel and work is not paying per diem or anything for her trips. They expected her to move already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister is taking advantage of you. It's one thing to have the whole family for a long weekend occasionally but what she's asking is unreasonable. They should get a hotel room with a kitchen or a similar set up. Don't feel bad. They are just unhappy that you essentially called them out for being rude and they're licking their wounds so to speak.

I agree with this. How incredibly crazy that your sister would even ask this? What kind of job makes her travel for months to be away from her family? why won't her job get her an apartment if she's here so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She can't afford a hotel and work is not paying per diem or anything for her trips. They expected her to move already.

Then she needs to stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. She needed a place to stay, you provided it, she then pretty quickly started demanding more. She can either deal with the fact that she needs to move her family out here if she wants to see them or give up the job. What she's asking of you isn't reasonable.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We enjoy having her stay with us. It's not a big deal and she's in a tough situation. I'm just falling short on reasons why we don't want more people. All the reasons sound trite and like I'm completely annoyed by them, which isn't true. I just have a lot of stress in my life and like my nice, quiet home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We enjoy having her stay with us. It's not a big deal and she's in a tough situation. I'm just falling short on reasons why we don't want more people. All the reasons sound trite and like I'm completely annoyed by them, which isn't true. I just have a lot of stress in my life and like my nice, quiet home.

Um that's a very good reason not to have houseguests for 3 weeks at a time, multiple times a year. If it were a once in a year visit, I'd suck it up. But it's not that...and it also doesn't seem like they are really there to see you. My extended family lives in India, so long visits aren't uncommon. But the purpose is to see the people we are visiting (or for them to come see us), and the visits occur once every few years...I think if it were more frequent or we/they felt more like hoteliers than family, it wouldn't work for our family either. And extended family visits is basically the cornerstone of Indian family life!!