How do I get over this? Do I even try?

[Anonymous]

This website helped me:


http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

I also did therapy, worked on setting boundaries and eventually had to just stop seeing my parents when they couldn't accept any boundaries.

The Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend is good too.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you're mourning the mother you wish you had. Allow yourself to feel hurt and grieve the relationship but it's probably time to move on. You don't want your kids seeing her treat you like that - or worse, have her treat them that way. Focus on your growing family and be the mother you wanted to have. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

It's really sad OP. Give yourself time to grieve and spend lots of time loving on your new baby and your family. You have done nothing wrong except to try with all your might to maintain a relationship. Your mom might up the ante in a few months with more awful emails, etc. Stay strong with your boundaries, you did the right thing, believe in yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you're mourning the mother you wish you had. Allow yourself to feel hurt and grieve the relationship but it's probably time to move on. You don't want your kids seeing her treat you like that - or worse, have her treat them that way. Focus on your growing family and be the mother you wanted to have. Hugs.

+1 to all of this. This is a huge loss for you, the mother you wish you had, the mother you may have convinced yourself that you had. Find a great therapist to help you process this, and let her go entirely. I'm saying this as someone who has been there. It's really painful and not a quick process to "get it" and be able to let go, but I would validate to you based on the info you've shared that this would be a healthy and appropriate step for you to take.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You need to accept and process that people like your mother are mentally ill, and will never get better. There is something broken inside, and you can't fix it.

Perhaps visualizing the worst might help. Say something bad happens to you or your child. Will she storm and rant about how somebody is to blame? Will she blame you even when you're sick? Will she blame your husband if he's the sole survivor? Not offer an ounce of sympathy to anyone?

If that is the case, then consider the separation a blessing.