MIL and FIL visiting - SIL tagging along [a vent]

[Anonymous]

I have the exact same situation. How weird. I no longer invite the in-laws to come because of the issue with the SIL.

[Anonymous]

We are in a similar situation. ILs live in CA and SIL in OR. MIL comes to see us about 4-5 times a year and FIL joins her maybe twice on those trips. She sees SIL about once every 6-8 weeks, will spend a week at a time in OR to help watch the kids if they are out of school, etc. We have never been able to fly out to see MIL w/o SIL coming too and I find it totally annoying. We invited SIL and her kids out here to spend a week with us this Summer and guess what? She told MIL and FIL to come too so we "can all be together". Of course MIL jumped all over it and they are coming too. I was actually really looking forward to showing SIL our town (they have never been) and letting the cousins enjoy each other for once. I'm pissed but it's already done. So, I decided that rather than stress out about 6 people crashing at our house and me playing hostess, I told them they can all stay together someplace else. They are renting a VRBO townhouse a mile from us and now I don;t have to host! For DH and I, this was a nice compromise b/c hosting them here is stressful and now we can retreat to our own house in the evenings and relax and unwind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just think of it as a chance for the cousins to hang, nurture that relationship?

This, assuming they get along. We have a similar situation where ILs live near SIL and provide day-to-day care for her kids. This coupled with a flight being necessary, and my ILs just aren't the type who travel (it's a really big deal for them). A couple things help in our situation. When DD was born, DH more or less demanded that MIL come stay for a while. I was really hoping to delay putting DD in nanny care for a couple months past my maternity leave, and this became a necessity when our first nanny fell through. He rarely asks much of his parents, so she took it seriously and SIL had to arrange alternatives (I think her ILs came in to help out).

But the other thing is that the cousins do have a great relationship...SIL's kids dote on DD and are over the moon about their baby boy cousin who is on the way. In fact, ILs are coming at the end of the month and bringing along the cousins (no SIL). I think being able to play with all the grandkids as a group makes MIL better able to connect with DD, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Similar switch here. But I'm finding as they get older that though it's sad they don't see their grandparents a lot, they also aren't getting spoiled in the wrong ways by them. My in laws are heavily involved in my sil kids care - they all live in California- at 10 and 16 yrs old, w pick up and drop off. They could say no more because the other grandparents live there. But every visit to see my three under seven results in multiple calls and checks to be sure the grandparents are returning to help out/ while we have no other family in this country. I just think it's crazy we rely on ourselves- we were the ones who wanted kids. Yet sil relies on them without thankfulness or self awareness. So she pawns them off when the grandparents come out and it annoys me.

I try to focus on the good of knowing their cousins but the boy is great whereas the 10 yr old girl has a whiny voice and attitude and I have to watch and explain as her picky eating is rewarded with candy by grandma. It sucks. Mine aren't dumb- they'll soon catch on what a pill she is and what an enabler grandma is.

[Anonymous]

This is a losing battle. I've tried to fight it for about 12 of the first 15 years of my marriage, and I realized that it's never going to get any better. My MIL wants everyone to be together and sees no issue with either inviting my SIL, BIL and the kids along or barging in a visit we have planned with SIL, BIL and the kids. I had a battle with my MIL that about ended our speaking relationship and I realized that I just have to let it go. My son loves spending time with his cousins, so I try to focus on that. Plus my husband keeps saying, "Do you REALLY want to be the favorite family with all the strings that are attached?" Hell no. I'll just be happy with our distant relationship with the inlaws.

[Anonymous]

On the positive side, all the cousins get a chance to spend time with each other. And the entire family of DH (mom, dad, sis) get to spend time with each other.

It is always great when everyone can be together at the same time. The workload gets easier because of the many helping hands and the children get to see the family together.

Keep a positive attitude and it will go well.