Help me dissuade my friend from blended family honeymoon at Disney!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think her heart is really in the right place, but she's not really being sensitive to the fact that the stepkids (especially the teens) might be upset about the remarriage and not really feel like celebrating it. A bonding trip with the stepkids is a great idea; just make it later on, not as part of the wedding festivities. Also, the HS and MS kids might rather go someplace else than Disney.

+1000

[Anonymous]

You are way too vested in something that is none of your business.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a nice idea. Disney has some nicer restaurants now at Downtown Disney and you can hire Disney vetted sitters to watch the kids at your hotel room.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP. Normally I would mind my own business, but my friend tends to make rash decisions and then sob on my shoulders and ask why no one warned her. I DO think people should date a bit longer before engagement when there are minor children involved so that the kids get to know the parent's new partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Normally I would mind my own business, but my friend tends to make rash decisions and then sob on my shoulders and ask why no one warned her. I DO think people should date a bit longer before engagement when there are minor children involved so that the kids get to know the parent's new partner.

How about you just ask her if she wants some feedback before you actually blurt this all out at her? And if she wants it, give it. And if she doesn't, well, she had her chance.

I think a family vacation sounds very sweet.

[Anonymous]

If it's a bad idea from the kids' perspective, then trust the kids' actual parents to put a stop to it. None of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I think that starting your post with "she got engaged after less than a year of dating" is key to your whole attitude?

ding ding ding ding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Normally I would mind my own business, but my friend tends to make rash decisions and then sob on my shoulders and ask why no one warned her. I DO think people should date a bit longer before engagement when there are minor children involved so that the kids get to know the parent's new partner.

Then, you can ask her, apart from any discussion of the wedding, honeymoon or trip, if she wants your honest advice about issues/thoughts that she considers and that you disagree with or if she wants your support as a friend. *IF* she says that she wants your honest advice, then when some idea comes up that you think is bad, you start with something like "Well, I'm not sure I would do that." That tells her that you disagree, and it is then up to her to ask for more details if she wants. Then she can decide on a case-by-case basis when you disagree with her, whether she wants to hear your thoughts or not.

However, regardless of her past lamentations, you don't just jump in with guns blazing, criticizing her wedding and/or honeymoon plans when you don't know whether your comments will be do more harm than help.

[Anonymous]

Wow-- it is NONE of your business. If you're a good friend, you'll be there for her when she returns from this trip, whether it turns out great or otherwise. But do not say anything in advance. She won't listen and will just resent you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Normally I would mind my own business, but my friend tends to make rash decisions and then sob on my shoulders and ask why no one warned her. I DO think people should date a bit longer before engagement when there are minor children involved so that the kids get to know the parent's new partner.

Then, you can ask her, apart from any discussion of the wedding, honeymoon or trip, if she wants your honest advice about issues/thoughts that she considers and that you disagree with or if she wants your support as a friend. *IF* she says that she wants your honest advice, then when some idea comes up that you think is bad, you start with something like "Well, I'm not sure I would do that." That tells her that you disagree, and it is then up to her to ask for more details if she wants. Then she can decide on a case-by-case basis when you disagree with her, whether she wants to hear your thoughts or not.

However, regardless of her past lamentations, you don't just jump in with guns blazing, criticizing her wedding and/or honeymoon plans when you don't know whether your comments will be do more harm than help.

I would add, assuming she asks for your advice, that your comments need to be pretty carefully worded. First of all, it's clear that she means well, and it's lovely that she's thinking about the kids and wanting to connect with them. I'd start with asking about whether the older kids would be able to miss that much school. I might also suggest that there are likely to be some tensions and issues given that kids often have complicated feelings about their parents' remarriage. That's normal, but what's not normal is being stuck in a hotel room with your dad and his new wife for a week. Maybe a more gradual introduction might be more effective.

And then I would shut my mouth, since I would trust that the kids' parents would put a stop to it if they thought there was anything wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

1. DH proposed to me on the second date.

2. The first part of our honeymoon was at EuroDisney (the second part was at a more grown-up and elegant location )

3. If DH had had kids, I would absolutely have invited them to our Disney vacation.

4. We are still going strong.

5. You should really stop thinking that you know best!

[Anonymous]

I think it's a sweet idea, though probably not practical. What will probably happen is that she'll make the suggestion, the mom will say, "thank you for inviting them, but they can't miss that much school," and they will schedule a trip for later.

Your friend will get major brownie points for this, and nothing bad will happen.

[Anonymous]

Has your friend asked your advice or opinion about any of this?

If not, then you keep your mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

My parents "honeymooned" in a camper with both sets of parents. For three weeks together. Needless to say it probably ranks among the worst honeymoons of all time, but they've been married 35 years and when we talk about it now we are usually laughing so hard we cry.

The mother needs to be responsible for the well being of the children she has primary custody of, not you. If she thinks it's a bad idea because of absences or because the kids aren't happy about the wedding, she will say no. There is no reason for you to project feelings onto those three kids whom you don't know. Just let it be, however it works out it is THEIR honeymoon, not yours.

[Anonymous]

My sibling went on a cruise with both sets of kids. It was a disaster. They should have gone by themselves and left the kids with the other parents. His kids couldn't stand hers, that kind of thing.

The honeymoon should be your own time.