Sending kids to their rooms

[Anonymous]

I send six year old DD to her room to cool down when she is yelling and irrational. To me, it is sort of like time out (I think she has aged out of time outs). She is free to come out when she has calmed down. I don't think of it as an actual punishment, and she doesn't stay there for even an hour, let alone half the day.

I agree with this - it allows DS and I a break from each other, but half a day is too long. Until we've both calmed down a bit and are less aggravated with each other is good.

[Anonymous]

When DD acted up, I went to MY room.

[Anonymous]

I don't ever send my kids to their rooms as a punishment. I was never sent to my room, nor was my mother. Her mother believed a bedroom should be a sanctuary, where a child should want to go (to help with good sleep routines, I guess). Sending a child to his/her room as punishment would make that space a prison rather than a 'feel good' place. Not sure I feel quite as strongly about it as my grandmother did, but I share the general sentiment and have continued using it as a guide.

Anyway, alternative punishments always seem available. If my child needs a time out he goes to sit on the couch quietly for a period of time to calm down and/or 'think'. Seems to work for us.

[Anonymous]

When my child is angry, frustrated or just having a moment - I send her to her room to calm down, because her room is a sanctuary.

Her punishments, are taking away privileges.

[Anonymous]

What was the offense?

[Anonymous]

DH is now in agreement. He hadn't been thinking about how long that would feel from the point of view of a five year old. I guess he needed time to calm down.

The offense is the worst thing so far on his little five year old rap sheet, although I understand why he was so upset. We frequent a water park with a slide. He has been dying to go down the slide but hasn't been tall enough. His last trip, he finally made it and spent the whole time on the slide. We decided to go again, he's all excited about the slide. They said he wasn't tall enough and sent him down. I told the lifeguard that he'd done it last time so she suggested he go up and try again and they said no again and he comes down the stairs sobbing his little heart out. Then he jumps in the pool right under where the slide emptied out and he's crying and yelling. Lifeguard said he had to move and he would not. She tried to persuade him and he swam away from her. She said if she had to go in to get him, he couldn't get back in. She had to go in and get him.

She passes him off to me and he keeps pulling away to try to run back into the pool. I'm hanging onto him on my lap while I'm trying to get my other child to gather our stuff and put on his shoes so we could leave. The one I'm holding punched his brother and keeps trying to head butt me. I had to carry him out of there yelling and struggling, leaving one child at the pool by a guard, wrestle him in the car seat, drive around and leave him in the front while I ran in and got my other child. It was awful. He disobeyed the lifeguard - huge offense by itself - tried to hurt me and his brother, and had to be carried out bodily. What is the appropriate consequence?

Of course I understand why he was upset and I tried some "talk so your kids will listen" techniques at the pool that did not work at all!

[Anonymous]

Sending a five year old to his bedroom on Sunday for half a day for something he did Saturday, that he was already punished for, seems both stupid and excessive. When I send my kids to their rooms, it's for them to calm down so they can rejoin the household. It's for them to pull themselves together before I step in and punish. Being sent to your room is me saying "Check yourself, before your wreck yourself."

My two youngest are 9 and 12 so I rarely send them to their rooms, but if I do, it's never for a set amount of time, and then we talk about what prompted it. I say "go to your room until you can ..." Play nicely, share, speak without whining, explain why you lied, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sending a five year old to his bedroom on Sunday for half a day for something he did Saturday, that he was already punished for, seems both stupid and excessive. When I send my kids to their rooms, it's for them to calm down so they can rejoin the household. It's for them to pull themselves together before I step in and punish. Being sent to your room is me saying "Check yourself, before your wreck yourself."

My two youngest are 9 and 12 so I rarely send them to their rooms, but if I do, it's never for a set amount of time, and then we talk about what prompted it. I say "go to your room until you can ..." Play nicely, share, speak without whining, explain why you lied, etc.

+1

I send mine because I don't want to hear their screaming/crying, but don't want to tell them not to do it! I want them to be able to get it all out, and it seems like DS1 needs an audience to cry, so stops pretty quickly once in his room. My kids know the drill - they even ask if they can come out/try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is now in agreement. He hadn't been thinking about how long that would feel from the point of view of a five year old. I guess he needed time to calm down.

The offense is the worst thing so far on his little five year old rap sheet, although I understand why he was so upset. We frequent a water park with a slide. He has been dying to go down the slide but hasn't been tall enough. His last trip, he finally made it and spent the whole time on the slide. We decided to go again, he's all excited about the slide. They said he wasn't tall enough and sent him down. I told the lifeguard that he'd done it last time so she suggested he go up and try again and they said no again and he comes down the stairs sobbing his little heart out. Then he jumps in the pool right under where the slide emptied out and he's crying and yelling. Lifeguard said he had to move and he would not. She tried to persuade him and he swam away from her. She said if she had to go in to get him, he couldn't get back in. She had to go in and get him.

She passes him off to me and he keeps pulling away to try to run back into the pool. I'm hanging onto him on my lap while I'm trying to get my other child to gather our stuff and put on his shoes so we could leave. The one I'm holding punched his brother and keeps trying to head butt me. I had to carry him out of there yelling and struggling, leaving one child at the pool by a guard, wrestle him in the car seat, drive around and leave him in the front while I ran in and got my other child. It was awful. He disobeyed the lifeguard - huge offense by itself - tried to hurt me and his brother, and had to be carried out bodily. What is the appropriate consequence?

Of course I understand why he was upset and I tried some "talk so your kids will listen" techniques at the pool that did not work at all!

Just want to say - sounds like you all had a rough day!

[Anonymous]

I would have spanked him when we got home.

[Anonymous]

in our case, sending our kids to the room is also no punishment. They are happy to also be in their room. THey need larger consequences.