Possible for a smart but anxious girl to survive/thrive at Holton?

[Anonymous]

No advice on schools, but a thought: Consider whether you are increasing your DD's anxiety by encouraging her to always do her best. A kid like this needs to learn that she *doesn't* always need to do her best. That there are plenty of things that merit a "good enough" effort or even less than that. That it's okay to let some things go, the world won't come to an end.

I honestly think kids like your DD would benefit from occasionally having mom or dad say, "Let's just skip homework tonight and go get some ice cream instead. What's the worse that could happen?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice on schools, but a thought: Consider whether you are increasing your DD's anxiety by encouraging her to always do her best. A kid like this needs to learn that she *doesn't* always need to do her best. That there are plenty of things that merit a "good enough" effort or even less than that. That it's okay to let some things go, the world won't come to an end.

I honestly think kids like your DD would benefit from occasionally having mom or dad say, "Let's just skip homework tonight and go get some ice cream instead. What's the worse that could happen?"

OP here - We actually do exactly what you suggested. My daughter is in 5th grade at a public school and on average does about 3 hours of homework a night. At first I was annoyed that the teachers were piling on the work for 10 and 11 year olds in an effort to teach them time management and get them ready for public middle school. Then it occurred to me that it was a great opportunity for us to attempt to teach her what could possibly be blown off. That some times it's ok to take a short cut. It's clearly a work in progress, but rest assured that I am not a tiger mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice on schools, but a thought: Consider whether you are increasing your DD's anxiety by encouraging her to always do her best. A kid like this needs to learn that she *doesn't* always need to do her best. That there are plenty of things that merit a "good enough" effort or even less than that. That it's okay to let some things go, the world won't come to an end.

I honestly think kids like your DD would benefit from occasionally having mom or dad say, "Let's just skip homework tonight and go get some ice cream instead. What's the worse that could happen?"

OP here - We actually do exactly what you suggested. My daughter is in 5th grade at a public school and on average does about 3 hours of homework a night. At first I was annoyed that the teachers were piling on the work for 10 and 11 year olds in an effort to teach them time management and get them ready for public middle school. Then it occurred to me that it was a great opportunity for us to attempt to teach her what could possibly be blown off. That some times it's ok to take a short cut. It's clearly a work in progress, but rest assured that I am not a tiger mom.

Veteran public school mom here. Something is very, very wrong when a 5th grader is spending 3 hours a night on homework. That is NOT normal. What school is this?

[Anonymous]

I would not recommend given what you have said. A friend of mine's daughter's anxiety increased during her time at Holton and they have not been very understanding or accommodating. My impression is that you suck it up and do the program or you go elsewhere. If you're struggling for a reason like mental health (which is where anxiety falls), they don't really want to help you deal with it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with that pp. There are so many smart girls there it is stressful to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice on schools, but a thought: Consider whether you are increasing your DD's anxiety by encouraging her to always do her best. A kid like this needs to learn that she *doesn't* always need to do her best. That there are plenty of things that merit a "good enough" effort or even less than that. That it's okay to let some things go, the world won't come to an end.

I honestly think kids like your DD would benefit from occasionally having mom or dad say, "Let's just skip homework tonight and go get some ice cream instead. What's the worse that could happen?"

OP here - We actually do exactly what you suggested. My daughter is in 5th grade at a public school and on average does about 3 hours of homework a night. At first I was annoyed that the teachers were piling on the work for 10 and 11 year olds in an effort to teach them time management and get them ready for public middle school. Then it occurred to me that it was a great opportunity for us to attempt to teach her what could possibly be blown off. That some times it's ok to take a short cut. It's clearly a work in progress, but rest assured that I am not a tiger mom.

Veteran public school mom here. Something is very, very wrong when a 5th grader is spending 3 hours a night on homework. That is NOT normal. What school is this?

+1. My DD is a 5th grader at a public elementary school in Bethesda, and we are applying to various private schools for 6th grade. My DD definitely does not do 3 hours per night -- she does about 20 minutes, and seems to be fine. I doubt your DD's teacher is assigning that much homework to a 5th grader. It may be that your DD is just trying to go above and beyond. I was kind of like that myself, and spun my wheels a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice on schools, but a thought: Consider whether you are increasing your DD's anxiety by encouraging her to always do her best. A kid like this needs to learn that she *doesn't* always need to do her best. That there are plenty of things that merit a "good enough" effort or even less than that. That it's okay to let some things go, the world won't come to an end.

I honestly think kids like your DD would benefit from occasionally having mom or dad say, "Let's just skip homework tonight and go get some ice cream instead. What's the worse that could happen?"

OP here - We actually do exactly what you suggested. My daughter is in 5th grade at a public school and on average does about 3 hours of homework a night. At first I was annoyed that the teachers were piling on the work for 10 and 11 year olds in an effort to teach them time management and get them ready for public middle school. Then it occurred to me that it was a great opportunity for us to attempt to teach her what could possibly be blown off. That some times it's ok to take a short cut. It's clearly a work in progress, but rest assured that I am not a tiger mom.

Veteran public school mom here. Something is very, very wrong when a 5th grader is spending 3 hours a night on homework. That is NOT normal. What school is this?

+1. My DD is a 5th grader at a public elementary school in Bethesda, and we are applying to various private schools for 6th grade. My DD definitely does not do 3 hours per night -- she does about 20 minutes, and seems to be fine. I doubt your DD's teacher is assigning that much homework to a 5th grader. It may be that your DD is just trying to go above and beyond. I was kind of like that myself, and spun my wheels a lot.

OP here - I assure you that she has between 2-4 hours most nights. The nights when she has only 1 hour of work are like a holiday in our house. It is all legitimate work, not busy work. I've talked to many other parents in the grade and most of their children are doing the same thing. There are two or three kids that can whip through it in less time, but they are the laid back kids that aren't concerned about getting it done completely or correctly. Most of the work is writing or some times reading with a writing component. She is also in the advanced math class that has a good amount of work. They are doing keyboarding, spelling, greek and latin roots, etc. Most of which I think is not in the curriculum. She has learned tons since September and will likely find 6th grade to be a breeze no matter where she goes next.

I'd rather not say which school as I've already given enough personal information about my daughter. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

That's 90% Holton! Very smart, creative, kind, and anxious girls!

[Anonymous]

Just to let you know that middle school gives no more than 30min of homework per subject. If the girls hit 30min and haven't finished, they are allowed to stop. So the most the girls will have is 2hrs 30min. But because of study halls and block schedules it is really never over 2hrs a night.

I can't believe your daughter has that much a night. I promise you she is more than ready for Holton.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered Madeira? Great academics and smart girls but less intense, from what have heard from friends whose daughters attended.

[Anonymous]

Madeira doesn't start until 9th. She's going in to middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice on schools, but a thought: Consider whether you are increasing your DD's anxiety by encouraging her to always do her best. A kid like this needs to learn that she *doesn't* always need to do her best. That there are plenty of things that merit a "good enough" effort or even less than that. That it's okay to let some things go, the world won't come to an end.

I honestly think kids like your DD would benefit from occasionally having mom or dad say, "Let's just skip homework tonight and go get some ice cream instead. What's the worse that could happen?"

OP here - We actually do exactly what you suggested. My daughter is in 5th grade at a public school and on average does about 3 hours of homework a night. At first I was annoyed that the teachers were piling on the work for 10 and 11 year olds in an effort to teach them time management and get them ready for public middle school. Then it occurred to me that it was a great opportunity for us to attempt to teach her what could possibly be blown off. That some times it's ok to take a short cut. It's clearly a work in progress, but rest assured that I am not a tiger mom.

Veteran public school mom here. Something is very, very wrong when a 5th grader is spending 3 hours a night on homework. That is NOT normal. What school is this?

+1. My DD is a 5th grader at a public elementary school in Bethesda, and we are applying to various private schools for 6th grade. My DD definitely does not do 3 hours per night -- she does about 20 minutes, and seems to be fine. I doubt your DD's teacher is assigning that much homework to a 5th grader. It may be that your DD is just trying to go above and beyond. I was kind of like that myself, and spun my wheels a lot.

OP here - I assure you that she has between 2-4 hours most nights. The nights when she has only 1 hour of work are like a holiday in our house. It is all legitimate work, not busy work. I've talked to many other parents in the grade and most of their children are doing the same thing. There are two or three kids that can whip through it in less time, but they are the laid back kids that aren't concerned about getting it done completely or correctly. Most of the work is writing or some times reading with a writing component. She is also in the advanced math class that has a good amount of work. They are doing keyboarding, spelling, greek and latin roots, etc. Most of which I think is not in the curriculum. She has learned tons since September and will likely find 6th grade to be a breeze no matter where she goes next.

I'd rather not say which school as I've already given enough personal information about my daughter. Sorry.

So the question would be why you tolerate this situation (which is recommended by no expert anywhere) especially as the parent of a child with anxiety issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice on schools, but a thought: Consider whether you are increasing your DD's anxiety by encouraging her to always do her best. A kid like this needs to learn that she *doesn't* always need to do her best. That there are plenty of things that merit a "good enough" effort or even less than that. That it's okay to let some things go, the world won't come to an end.

I honestly think kids like your DD would benefit from occasionally having mom or dad say, "Let's just skip homework tonight and go get some ice cream instead. What's the worse that could happen?"

OP here - We actually do exactly what you suggested. My daughter is in 5th grade at a public school and on average does about 3 hours of homework a night. At first I was annoyed that the teachers were piling on the work for 10 and 11 year olds in an effort to teach them time management and get them ready for public middle school. Then it occurred to me that it was a great opportunity for us to attempt to teach her what could possibly be blown off. That some times it's ok to take a short cut. It's clearly a work in progress, but rest assured that I am not a tiger mom.

Veteran public school mom here. Something is very, very wrong when a 5th grader is spending 3 hours a night on homework. That is NOT normal. What school is this?

+1. My DD is a 5th grader at a public elementary school in Bethesda, and we are applying to various private schools for 6th grade. My DD definitely does not do 3 hours per night -- she does about 20 minutes, and seems to be fine. I doubt your DD's teacher is assigning that much homework to a 5th grader. It may be that your DD is just trying to go above and beyond. I was kind of like that myself, and spun my wheels a lot.

OP here - I assure you that she has between 2-4 hours most nights. The nights when she has only 1 hour of work are like a holiday in our house. It is all legitimate work, not busy work. I've talked to many other parents in the grade and most of their children are doing the same thing. There are two or three kids that can whip through it in less time, but they are the laid back kids that aren't concerned about getting it done completely or correctly. Most of the work is writing or some times reading with a writing component. She is also in the advanced math class that has a good amount of work. They are doing keyboarding, spelling, greek and latin roots, etc. Most of which I think is not in the curriculum. She has learned tons since September and will likely find 6th grade to be a breeze no matter where she goes next.

I'd rather not say which school as I've already given enough personal information about my daughter. Sorry.

FOUR hours a night in the fifth grade? I'm sorry, that's ridiculous. Yeah, tell us again how you are encouraging her to ease up? No wonder your DD is struggling.

What you are describing is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's 90% Holton! Very smart, creative, kind, and anxious girls!

That's the ticket! Just what we want for our daughters.

[Anonymous]

It's possible she may not survive. Choose another ecosystem.