Possible for a smart but anxious girl to survive/thrive at Holton?
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Anonymous
| My daughter tries hard, tests very well, is liked by other children and her teachers, but she is shy and puts lots of pressure on herself to please us and her teachers. She's about to enter middle school. My husband and I have said since pre-K that as long as she tries her best, we will be proud of her regardless of the results/grade. She still has anxiety about following rules, getting things perfect, etc. I'm wondering if anyone has experience or thoughts about whether Holton will be a supportive, encouraging MS and US environment or if it will crush her spirit. |
Anonymous
| Holton is definitely an intense place with a lot of smart girls. My daughter tends to be the opposite of yours and is very smart but laid back and I think it has helped her stay sane at Holton. The teachers are great and they are there to help support your daughter but that doesn't change that fact that lots of girls are still quite anxious because they care A LOT about being the best. So, it really depends on whether or not you think your daughter will be able to adjust her expectations of perfection and learn to enjoy the academic opportunities found at a place like Holton and not focus on needing to please everyone and be the best all the time - it's a lesson she will need to learn in life in general. If you're unsure, have her shadow again if she gets in and really look around at the interactions between teachers and students and see if that makes her anxious. If she wants to try it then have her attend for middle school and watch it closely in case she needs to change in high school. |
Anonymous
| Op, my DD is also applying for MS and from what I have seen a girl like your daughter would certainly do well there. In fact, I think it may well be the best environment for a girl like your daughter. |
Anonymous
| To OP _ does your daughter have any formal diagnosis about the anxiety and are there comorbidities like ADHD, etc. Your daugther sounds like mine. I toured Holton and knew it wasn't for her. |
Anonymous
| I am OP. I have two daughters. One has not been officially diagnosed, just know that she is so worried about pleasing everyone that she won't even share which school she likes the best for fear of disappointing us. The other has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and ADD, but she is medicated and handles stress and responsibility much better. |
Anonymous
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OP, they have classes like Study Skills, Speech, Health, etc... to get girls over their fears, learn to manage time, decrease stress, have fun etc... There is a wonderful guidance counselor there as well as a learning specialist. They have candy and drinks and the kids are always coming and going. Some to chat, some to talk, some to bring their planners and say "HELP". Some will go and talk when they are having personal issues.
The middle school head is leaving (going overseas) and wow, he was just the best. The school knows they have big shoes to fill so no doubt they will hire a fantastic head. I love the fact that it is just 7/8th. It isn't so overwhelming. They have advisories - a group of kids to talk with twice a week with a teacher as an advisor, per say. It is nice to vent and laugh with that group of kids. Sports are mandatory in middle school (it is considered their PE) and for some kids that are high stress/introverts, that is hard. But they have options for non-athletic kids like dance, badminton, indoor track, etc.. I also think it is a nice social and stress relieving activity to end the day. They also do a block schedule which really cuts down on the amount of homework each night. Has she shadowed there yet? My daughter had this mentality of uptight, full of brains school before she shadowed. Her mind was completely changed. So I highly recommend that. There is one school out there that is right for yours. Good Luck! |
Anonymous
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13:36 - Thank you!!!!!! Thanks for such a thoughtful, insightful response. I truly appreciate it.
I just know that an all girl environment is the best for my girls (for different reasons, but for both none the less) and I think that Holton is the best fit academically of all of local girls' schools. |
Anonymous
13:15 back. Then I would strong recommend really thorough testing. A good tester should also be able to tease out info on the anxiety and perfectionism problem. That testing then could help you in your search for the perfect school. My DS reads just like your daughter. We switched to the McLean School (not all that far from Holton) but left after three years. |
Anonymous
| I think Holton would be a bit intense for an anxious girl OP. Mine went there for 6 years and ended up at an Ivy, but she really never had any time for fun. I think you would be doing your girl a disservice...it's very pressure cooker there. |
Anonymous
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Similar to other rigorous schools, including the local publics, the pressure on the students is what they choose to make it. She can take the minimum required classes or as many AP classes as possible. That will ultimately decide how much work she has and if she has time to "be a teenager".
If it proves too much after a couple of years, you can always transfer to somewhere less rigorous and more warm and fuzzy. |
Anonymous
You are welcome. Please realize that there are so many different tracks in Holton. There are kids in 5 different math levels in 9th grade. There are kids that take two AP's a semester and some that take two their entire high school career. There are options for extra classes or extra study halls. My daughter chose (with encouragement from her advisor) to pull out of an extra honors class so she wouldn't overwhelm herself. It is not a cut-throat "take the highest class, get the highest grade" atmosphere. I think there are some individual parents that push their kids more than the school every would. It is very nurturing and they do have a lot of fun. They just had a DJ in the lunch room for Holton's birthday last week. The girls are all dancing, singing and goofing off. Something they probably wouldn't do if it was a co-ed school. They also just had lip synch battles which my daughter loved doing too. I think in any school, it is what you make of it. |
Anonymous
| I think you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole OP. Try something less stressful. Holy Child or SR. |
Anonymous
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OP here - We'd truly rather not go to a christian school. And we looked at Holy Child. It was WAY too small and doesn't have the academics at the higher end to super my daughter.
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Anonymous
Holy Child is the mini Mean Girls School. The NCS wanna-be. Please don't. Most kids go there if they can't get into other schools but their parents still want that private school brag. Stone Ridge, Holton and Sidwell were our favorites. Huge diversity at all three of those schools. Not just in race but culture, SES, and learning too. A little bit of everything. |
Anonymous
Please elaborate on NCS as a Mean Girl School. My DD is there and we just don't see it. Do you have a DD at all the schools you seem to know so much about? |