Stone Ridge Social Life (or lack thereof)

[Anonymous]

My DD applied to SR upper school and we are waiting for letters. One thing we were concerned about is if new girls can fit in easily since so many of the girls have been together for years. Admissions goes out of its way to make applicants believe this is not a problem. Is it?

I think the girls as a whole are friendly to outsiders BUT there is "lifer" mentality meaning the lifers tend to stick together only a chosen few get into that circle

[Anonymous]

The lifer mentality is real and many have sisters at the school and their moms were lifers too. It's only a small number per class ( maybe 10) but it can feel exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What "thoughts" could anyone possibly have about this situation? Make friends. It's easy.

OMG that was SO helpful. You should totally start an advice column. You are sitting on a gold mine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD applied to SR upper school and we are waiting for letters. One thing we were concerned about is if new girls can fit in easily since so many of the girls have been together for years. Admissions goes out of its way to make applicants believe this is not a problem. Is it?

Nope - it's pretty good. Our daughter came into 9th last year. Half of the class is new. Believe it or not the teachers all actually work some and are concerned about everyone getting along and finding a place they feel comfortable.
Our daughter had a small issue with one girl and when we mentioned it to a teacher she had already been looking into it. I don't know what they did but she and the other girl are having a much better year this year (not besties but friends enough).

Stone Ridge is a nice, welcoming place. DD loves to go to school (which is a little weird isn't it?).

Let your daughter join the activities that she wants. Don't worry that she don't have enough time to 'study' . They are pretty good at school/ life balance and the activities are great for the girls socially and for personal growth. It's a great place really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD applied to SR upper school and we are waiting for letters. One thing we were concerned about is if new girls can fit in easily since so many of the girls have been together for years. Admissions goes out of its way to make applicants believe this is not a problem. Is it?

Nope - it's pretty good. Our daughter came into 9th last year. Half of the class is new. Believe it or not the teachers all actually work some and are concerned about everyone getting along and finding a place they feel comfortable.
Our daughter had a small issue with one girl and when we mentioned it to a teacher she had already been looking into it. I don't know what they did but she and the other girl are having a much better year this year (not besties but friends enough).

Stone Ridge is a nice, welcoming place. DD loves to go to school (which is a little weird isn't it?).

Let your daughter join the activities that she wants. Don't worry that she don't have enough time to 'study' . They are pretty good at school/ life balance and the activities are great for the girls socially and for personal growth. It's a great place really.

That's nice to hear. My DD came home from shadowing at SR and said that it was the one school where she could see herself being friends with the girls she met. She comes from a Bethesda parochial school that is remarkably cliquish for its size. She doesn't play CYO sports which has been the kiss of social death for her and us. We're hoping for a more diverse and inclusive environment in high school.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to those who responded with helpful feedback. Of course, I was reluctant to post in the first place knowing that there'd be a handful of not-so-helpful suggestions ("make friends" -- really? genius). My daughter was involved in a fall sport and did make friends rather easily with several other girls new to SR. Though Catholic, she did not attend a parochial middle school, rather a public one. She was very happy socially at her public middle school, but academically, was v frustrated (one of many examples: loved Spanish, yet bc of a teacher's maternity leave, had 5 different subs over the course of the fall her 8th grade year). She was ready to be a part of a more serious academic environment (this was her choice, not ours; we were open to her attending public high school). So given that backdrop, she has been v happy at SR in terms of the classes. She enjoyed her fall sport at SR and plays on a team outside of school as well. She is also involved in the Best Buddies program. Still, with all that, she seems to have these big blocks of downtime on the weekend, particularly in the winter. And for all those who are getting ready to pounce: We are all in favor of ample downtime. But, she wants to be able to get together with her friends on the weekends w/o having to drive 20-30 minutes each way. She misses her public school friends and the spontaneous get-togethers that they had. While she has definitely remained friendly with her PS group, they obviously do not reach out like they used to given that she's left. She does have a group of 4-6 girls with whom she is friends at SR, but they do not get together on the weekends (though we have offered to host and to drive her to friends' houses). And to one person's earlier post, I do think there is a divide at SR between those who attended parochial schools previously and those who did not. So perhaps that too is playing into DD's dissatisfaction with the social scene. So we are considering sending her to our public hs, so she can be with her friends. And we are also reaching out to the co-ed private school that my son attends. But before we set this all in motion, I wanted to see if I could get a sense of what lies ahead on the social scene at SR.

[Anonymous]

I do not have a kid at SR but I do have 2 kids who started at new private schools in 9th grade. Freshman year is definitely a transition year. When my older son had nothing to do on weekends I would worry that he didn't have any friends. Now, by 11th grade I worry because he is out every weekend night until just before his curfew. His friends live all over the place but now that they are a bit older, they are comfortable metroing around town to meet up.

Because his social scene turned out fine (after 9th) I have not worried about our 2nd child who is having much the same experience.

What if your daughter went back to public and these MS friends who don't call her anymore still don't call her? Would she switch again? Just something to contemplate.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely a good point that the ms friends' reunion may not live up to her expectations. Something we are looking into (to the extent we can)..

[Anonymous]

OP, my daughter is at Holton and she stayed in touch with her public school friends and on top of that she has outside travel sports that is another group of friends. I made it clear that would be important and it should be for your daughter as well.

I completely understand the social issues of friends not living near each other at a private school. It makes it tough sometimes. The problem my daughter was having was these group chats of someone wanting to do something but then a few no's would make the whole group not go. Nothing would ever get finalized. I taught her to do one of two things to get a guaranteed plan in action:

1. Text one friend and plan an event with that one person. Then decide between the two of you if you want to invite others. Either all or none. Don't make a girl feel left out.

2. If you invite a large group anywhere, set the date/time/event and just say "I hope you can all come, we will be there!"

So one time her and a friend said they were going to go to Westfields in Bethesda. Sent out a group text and said we will be in the mall between 5-8pm. We might go to see "____" movie at 8:10pm. Text us if you arrive and we will meet up with you. They ended up having 9 girls show up. Most just last minute drop offs from parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my daughter is at Holton and she stayed in touch with her public school friends and on top of that she has outside travel sports that is another group of friends. I made it clear that would be important and it should be for your daughter as well.

I completely understand the social issues of friends not living near each other at a private school. It makes it tough sometimes. The problem my daughter was having was these group chats of someone wanting to do something but then a few no's would make the whole group not go. Nothing would ever get finalized. I taught her to do one of two things to get a guaranteed plan in action:

1. Text one friend and plan an event with that one person. Then decide between the two of you if you want to invite others. Either all or none. Don't make a girl feel left out.

2. If you invite a large group anywhere, set the date/time/event and just say "I hope you can all come, we will be there!"

So one time her and a friend said they were going to go to Westfields in Bethesda. Sent out a group text and said we will be in the mall between 5-8pm. We might go to see "____" movie at 8:10pm. Text us if you arrive and we will meet up with you. They ended up having 9 girls show up. Most just last minute drop offs from parents.

This is exactly what happened with my middle school daughter and we advised the same thing. It worked! There was way too much group texting and no plans resulting before and I think it was because nobody wanted to be the one to make the plans. It sounds simple but it worked and others ended up showing up because they knew two girls were definitely there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my daughter is at Holton and she stayed in touch with her public school friends and on top of that she has outside travel sports that is another group of friends. I made it clear that would be important and it should be for your daughter as well.

I completely understand the social issues of friends not living near each other at a private school. It makes it tough sometimes. The problem my daughter was having was these group chats of someone wanting to do something but then a few no's would make the whole group not go. Nothing would ever get finalized. I taught her to do one of two things to get a guaranteed plan in action:

1. Text one friend and plan an event with that one person. Then decide between the two of you if you want to invite others. Either all or none. Don't make a girl feel left out.

2. If you invite a large group anywhere, set the date/time/event and just say "I hope you can all come, we will be there!"

So one time her and a friend said they were going to go to Westfields in Bethesda. Sent out a group text and said we will be in the mall between 5-8pm. We might go to see "____" movie at 8:10pm. Text us if you arrive and we will meet up with you. They ended up having 9 girls show up. Most just last minute drop offs from parents.

This is exactly what happened with my middle school daughter and we advised the same thing. It worked! There was way too much group texting and no plans resulting before and I think it was because nobody wanted to be the one to make the plans. It sounds simple but it worked and others ended up showing up because they knew two girls were definitely there.

Same exact scenario here for my 9th grade DD. It worked for her as well.

[Anonymous]

good advice, thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD applied to SR upper school and we are waiting for letters. One thing we were concerned about is if new girls can fit in easily since so many of the girls have been together for years. Admissions goes out of its way to make applicants believe this is not a problem. Is it?

Nope - it's pretty good. Our daughter came into 9th last year. Half of the class is new. Believe it or not the teachers all actually work some and are concerned about everyone getting along and finding a place they feel comfortable.
Our daughter had a small issue with one girl and when we mentioned it to a teacher she had already been looking into it. I don't know what they did but she and the other girl are having a much better year this year (not besties but friends enough).

Stone Ridge is a nice, welcoming place. DD loves to go to school (which is a little weird isn't it?).

Let your daughter join the activities that she wants. Don't worry that she don't have enough time to 'study' . They are pretty good at school/ life balance and the activities are great for the girls socially and for personal growth. It's a great place really.

That's nice to hear. My DD came home from shadowing at SR and said that it was the one school where she could see herself being friends with the girls she met. She comes from a Bethesda parochial school that is remarkably cliquish for its size. She doesn't play CYO sports which has been the kiss of social death for her and us. We're hoping for a more diverse and inclusive environment in high school.

Yeah.... Those Bethesda parochial schools can be terribly cliquish. SR is a totally different scene. As a parent you will love it too.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD applied to SR upper school and we are waiting for letters. One thing we were concerned about is if new girls can fit in easily since so many of the girls have been together for years. Admissions goes out of its way to make applicants believe this is not a problem. Is it?

Nope - it's pretty good. Our daughter came into 9th last year. Half of the class is new. Believe it or not the teachers all actually work some and are concerned about everyone getting along and finding a place they feel comfortable.
Our daughter had a small issue with one girl and when we mentioned it to a teacher she had already been looking into it. I don't know what they did but she and the other girl are having a much better year this year (not besties but friends enough).

Stone Ridge is a nice, welcoming place. DD loves to go to school (which is a little weird isn't it?).

Let your daughter join the activities that she wants. Don't worry that she don't have enough time to 'study' . They are pretty good at school/ life balance and the activities are great for the girls socially and for personal growth. It's a great place really.

That's nice to hear. My DD came home from shadowing at SR and said that it was the one school where she could see herself being friends with the girls she met. She comes from a Bethesda parochial school that is remarkably cliquish for its size. She doesn't play CYO sports which has been the kiss of social death for her and us. We're hoping for a more diverse and inclusive environment in high school.

Yeah.... Those Bethesda parochial schools can be terribly cliquish. SR is a totally different scene. As a parent you will love it too.
Good luck!

Yes, Bethesda parochial schools are incredibly cliquish. It's good to know that SR breaks that mold. Nothing would be worse than to live another four years of that at triple the price no less.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your daughter is mourning for her MS experience. What a terrible Catch-22 to have to choose social over academics or the other way around. I would never discount a teenager's saddness and if you truly feel that she would be happier going back to public then let her go. Sounds like you and your DH were fine with the academics at the public school... maybe she is missing the co-ed experience. Did she choose Stone Ridge for herself? I would be a bit wary if her MS friends are really not reaching out to her at all to stay in touch.